SAN ANTONIO – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports suicide is the second leading cause of death among those age 10–34. For preteens (age 8–12), suicide deaths have been increasing at about 8% per year from 2008 to 2022.
Moses Verbena lost his 18-year-old daughter Sydney to suicide.
“That horrible day was August 23, 2021,” he said.
“She had such a big heart,” he said through tears.
He said Sydney was known for helping others with their own depression.
“She was going through mental illness for years. She was going through a lot of a lot of pain and wasn’t open to talking with us,” he said.
Moses and Monica Verbena, who is Moses’ wife and Sydney’s stepmother, took their grief to ABC of Southwest Texas following Sydney’s death.
“The guilt of ‘Why didn’t we do more?’ And that comes with a negative stigma, and that’s one of the parts that people don’t always talk about when they encounter something like this,” Monica Verbena said.
ABC of Southwest Texas is where they found compassion, support groups and professional help all for free.
“We’ve created a community of trusted funeral homes and counseling agencies to support the family, and that way we will pay for the counseling, and we also do support groups as well,” said Desiree Holmes, the ABC of Southwest Texas Bereavement Director.
“The numbers are not decreasing. Just this month we’ve supported several families that have lost their teenager to suicide,” Holmes said.
Moses Verbena wants those other families to know they’re not alone.
“Just talking with us, who are going through the similar thing, it gives you strength and allows you to help others when that happens,” he said.
That’s what the Verbenas are doing now. They have found the strength and bravery to be honest and open in hopes of educating other parents and preventing more suicides.
They are doing that in part by helping other families learn the signs.
“She would close off. She would not speak sometimes or when she was with us sometimes, she just wanted to sleep. So those are signs, but it’s also very difficult to distinguish if that is a teenage thing,” Monica Verbena said.
Holmes said other red flags include “that isolation factor, the depressive moods, the child or the teenager wanting to sell their belongings or, you know, a drastic change in their health.”
They all encourage parents to push through the discomfort of talking to kids about their depression.
“I have a teenager myself; she’s 14 years old,” Holmes said. “Sometimes I have to just get in the middle and say, ‘Hey, can we discuss this?’ Even if it’s playing video games with a teenager or taking them out for a walk or grabbing a bite to eat. Don’t be afraid to ask, ‘Have you ever felt this way?’ Especially now with social media.’”
Moses Verbena said even if the child’s response isn’t immediate, keep trying.
“I wanted Sydney to know, and I want all kids to know that it’s OK to not be OK. We all make mistakes and as long as they’re working to get better, they’re going to make it,” Moses Verbena said.
Anyone needing emotional support or dealing with thoughts of suicide can contact the 988 Lifeline by calling or texting 988. There is also a chat option available 24/7.
Families needing bereavement services for a child lost to suicide can contact ABC of Southwest Texas to find support, free counseling and support groups.
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