Photographs by Yvonne Vávra.

By Yvonne Vávra

Many years ago, when I was living in Spain, my best friend and I left our little room one day for no particular reason. We went downstairs and sat on a low wall by the boardwalk. With nowhere to be and nothing to do, we simply sat there, watching what the hours were offering. We laughed a lot, even though I remember not talking all that much. At some point, we got up to buy tuna sandwiches and huge bottles of yogurt drink — twenty-somethings make bold choices. Then more watching, more laughing, more being. We didn’t expect anything from the day, or from each other to fill it somehow.

When it got dark, we went back upstairs — full from it all, maybe too full of tuna and yogurt, but more than anything, full of time. We were completely ready to let go of that long, gentle stretch of nothing special, because it had shown us how generous time can be when you’re not fighting with it. Nothing more needed to happen. It was a perfect day, if there ever was one.

I’ve been thinking about that day because my algorithms on every platform have been pushing me to consider the perfect day that Condé Nast Traveler recently concocted. Their list of the best things to do on the Upper West Side goes: food, nature, food, shopping, food, more food, culture, and — finally — food.

Fine, one of those food stops is technically just coffee. But they suggest having it at the Hungarian Pastry Shop, and come on — who are we kidding? I dare you to walk into that place, look those beautiful little cakes in the eye, and walk out with only a coffee. A perfect day shouldn’t come with struggles like this.

I’m not knocking the list — it’s got some great spots, and those recommendations are genuinely helpful if you’re visiting for the first time, need a little guidance… or are just really hungry. Uncertainty, indecision, and overwhelm are uncomfortable feelings, and sometimes it’s a relief to be handed a tidy little plan: go here, do this, order that. There’s comfort in knowing someone once followed the same path and ended up happy.

But I do hope perfect-day seekers leave enough space in their itinerary to not just do, but to be. Run a day like an errand — hunting down the best spots to do this and that — and the city will never show you her real face. She’s a flirt, and the game isn’t fun with someone who’s trying too hard.

You’ve got to take a low-key approach — especially on the Upper West Side, the city’s unpretentious, charming, slightly neurotic side. This neighborhood doesn’t fall for flashy nonsense or anything too curated. It can smell performance from a block away. So leave time for the unplanned. Roam around noncommittally. Let the Upper West Side find you.

Not to stand between anyone and the pizza of their lives, but “best of” lists forget that “best” tends to be emotional — and highly personal. How much can a perfect slice really do on its own, without the moment to carry it? Scroll through posts in the Reddit r/UpperWestSide community — where to have brunch, meet singles, grab coffee, or take your Southern parents — and you’ll find a comment section full of bests.

My favorite bar used to be the now-closed Calle Ocho in the Excelsior Hotel on 81st Street. It actually made it into New York Magazine’s “The Thousand Best” list. A thousand, huh? We’re drowning in excellence around here. Anyway, I loved it simply because my friend and I always went there. How that started, I don’t remember. But with every visit, we poured more meaning into it — while it poured cocktails into us — until it became the best bar ever. More often than not, we were the only ones there.

Just last week, another list of the 23 best eateries on the Upper West Side was published — and concern is in order. Declaring something “the best,” or even trying to put it into words at all, shines a very bright spotlight. As New York writer Djuna Barnes wrote in 1916: “To have to tell the truth about a place immediately puts that place on its defense. Localities and atmospheres should be let alone. There are so many restaurants that have been spoiled by a line or two in a paper.” She continues: “The damage has been done, we find, and the wing of the butterfly is already crumbling into dust.” No inch of the Upper West Side deserves to be smothered under the weight of everyone’s expectations. Places have to be allowed to just be. So do days. So do we.

So how are we going to have a spectacular Upper West Side day now? Try not to. Just step outside. Left or right? What smells good? Is that a sound calling you? Why not follow someone? It’s not creepy, it’s curiosity in action. Or turn a corner. Surprise yourself. Do you feel something? Not yet? Keep going — your gut’s just getting comfortable behind the wheel. It’s been stuck in the backseat for far too long.

Take your time. I promise, the day will find you. I’ve seen it happen many times. The Upper West Side might be unpretentious, but don’t think for a second she’ll go unnoticed. She’s a New Yorker, after all.

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Yvonne Vávra is a magazine writer and author of the German book 111 Gründe New York zu lieben (111 Reasons to Love New York). Born a Berliner but an aspiring Upper West Sider since the 1990s (thanks, Nora Ephron), she came to New York in 2010 and seven years later made her Upper West Side dreams come true. She’s been obsessively walking the neighborhood ever since.

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