I have a very strange reaction to going down on my wife. I can’t for the life of me figure out why.

How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It, 

I am a 47-year-old man married to a 42-year-old woman. My wife and I have a decent sex life. But as in most marriages with children, my sex drive is quite higher than hers. I’d probably be good for two to three times a week where whereas she is good for about two to three times a month.

One of the things I like to do most is to go down on my wife.

She doesn’t necessarily want it every time, and so it happens about once a month, but when it does, I inevitably get sick in the ensuing days. Even during the act (usually I spend anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes down there), I often have a reaction where I build up sinus pressure and can get a runny nose. It’s difficult to diagnose sinus infections, and the symptoms usually pass after two to three days, but this last one lasted over a week. Have you ever heard of anything like getting a head cold/flu/sinus infection from cunnilingus?

—Going Down and Getting the Sickness

Dear Going Down,

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What you’re describing absolutely is a documented phenomenon. To figure out what’s going on with you, specifically, you’re going to need the help of a doctor. And you’ll be best off at that doctor appointment if you have some more data.

Keep track of three things for a few months—when your sinuses are stuffy, runny, or otherwise affected, when you give your wife oral sex, and when the kids are sick. However, you want to track this (a list, a calendar app, or a paper planner) is fine, but you need to be meticulous, and you should log everything to the exact day and keep logging throughout the entire duration. Do this daily. Your memory, like everyone’s, is fallible, and if you’re trying to remember a week’s worth of stuff, you’re going to make mistakes. You might also see whether your wife is open to trying a dental dam, mostly to figure out whether that prevents the sinus symptoms, but there’s also a chance that she really enjoys the sensation and it works for her in a way that raw oral doesn’t.

When you’ve got three to four months of information to look at, look at the information you’ve gathered critically and evaluate whether the catalyst really does seem to be oral sex with your wife. If so, bring the general issue to your main doctor (family doctor, primary care physician, or similar). They’ll be in the best position to refer you to whatever specialist you should see.

—Jessica

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