A man earning about $85,000 a year wrote that his long-term relationship faced uncertainty after he learned the full amount of his girlfriend’s student loan debt.

In a post shared on the r/whatdoIdo subreddit, the original poster wrote that after a year of living together and preparing to renew their lease, he asked for a clearer picture of her finances. That discussion, he wrote, revealed a total far higher than what had previously been mentioned.

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Debt Revelation Raises Long-Term Questions

Before moving in together, the OP wrote, his girlfriend acknowledged having student loan debt and estimated it at around $60,000, adding that she was unsure of the exact balance. As they approached a second lease, he asked her to confirm the figure so they could plan ahead.

He wrote that her combined federal and private student loans totaled about $160,000 after interest and accumulated balances. For context, he added that he earns roughly $85,000 a year and carries less than $10,000 in total debt, while his girlfriend earns about $60,000 annually.

With those figures in mind, he wrote that he began reassessing longer-term plans such as travel, homeownership, raising children, and retirement. “Am I signing up for a lifetime of resentment?” he asked, questioning whether those goals could realistically survive under that level of financial strain.

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Trust And Transparency Come Into Focus

Alongside the financial details, the OP wrote that transparency became a central concern. He wrote that learning the debt had grown beyond earlier estimates raised questions for him, particularly since they were already sharing living expenses.

“I want people older than me who have experienced something like this to help me understand what the ramifications are,” he wrote, asking whether managing that level of debt was compatible with maintaining a stable relationship.

He added that he is open to supporting a partner but wants to avoid a situation where financial strain affects shared planning. The question, he wrote, is whether their long-term goals would remain achievable under those circumstances.

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Reddit Users Split On Responsibility And Red Flags

The post quickly drew reactions from readers with sharply different views. One commenter wrote that they paid off $135,000 in student loans over just more than 11 years, making about $1,000 in monthly payments on a combined income similar to the OP’s.

While calling it possible, the commenter warned that living below one’s means for years can breed resentment if major life goals are delayed, adding that the debt could become a dealbreaker if blame starts to build.

“$160,000 is not ‘some debt.’ That’s a whole financial future,” another commenter wrote.

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