Last week, I committed a grave violation of the Eastern sportswriter protocol by talking about the Pacific Division. Specifically, how comically bad it was.

Apparently, some Eastern Conference teams were jealous. And like a toddler who hasn’t quite grasped the distinction between good attention and bad attention, they responded by making a nasty mess all over the floor. Is that chocolate? I really hope that’s chocolate.

OK, fair’s fair. Let’s talk about a few of the utter disasters unfolding.

Bonus five: Eastern Conference misery

5. Florida Panthers – The good news is Matthew Tkachuk is almost back, and we all kind of agreed not to worry too much about their record until he returned. But that was when we assumed their record would still have them in a playoff spot. They’ve lost four of six, including a pair to the Montreal Canadiens and a rough one against the Toronto Maple Leafs, and they woke up this morning in seventh in the Atlantic. If it’s not panic time yet, we’re getting awfully close.

4. Columbus Blue Jackets – They won a game last night, their first in over a week. By Eastern Conference standards, that makes them “red-hot.”

3. New York Rangers – It’s over. That’s Vincent’s reaction to their recent spiral, and he’s right. They’ve lost six of seven, and on Saturday they got absolutely lit up by a Boston Bruins team that isn’t exactly a powerhouse. The question is how many of these veterans Chris Drury can actually move. Artemi Panarin could be a good starting point, but there shouldn’t be any untouchables at MSG these days.

2. Ottawa Senators – They had a weird week. You may have heard about it. You know what, they probably need their own section down below, let’s punt them down to the bottom five.

1. New Jersey Devils – Yikes. They’ve lost four straight, including a 9-0 embarrassment against the New York Islanders. The lost to the Winnipeg Jets last yesterday, and nobody loses to the Jets. Now they get to travel and then play in Minnesota tonight. Hey, does anyone cool play for Minnesota? Anyone they traded for recently, thanks to properly managing their cap space for just such an opportunity?

Speaking of trades, the latest news in New Jersey is some breaking drama with Dougie Hamilton, who was healthy-scratched over the weekend and now sounds like he wants out. He has a no-trade clause, and maybe more importantly, has two years left on a deal with a $9 million cap hit, so this one may be tricky. But between this and the Luke Hughes booing and a GM on the hot seat and an offense that’s scored less than two goals in six of their last ten, and it all adds up to a season slipping away.

On to the rankings…

Road to the Cup

The five teams with the best chances of winning the Stanley Cup.

Sure, why not.

Speaking of the Wings, tonight is Sergei Fedorov’s jersey retirement. If you’re going to the game, be sure to avoid this article because it gives away the winning goal-scorer.

5. Carolina Hurricanes (28-14-3, +18 true goals differential*) – The Jesperi Kotkaniemi trade watch has apparently begun. It’s not often you get a chance to add a forward with two goals and four years left on his contract, so here’s hoping NHL GMs can form an orderly line and patiently wait their turn to make their offers.

4. Minnesota Wild (26-11-9, +21) – They get the Devils and Jets next, which should be easy wins, but then have to play the red-hot Sabres and Leafs. Imagine reading that sentence in November. This league makes no sense.

3. Dallas Stars (26-10-9, +28) – They snapped the losing streak with an impressive showing in Washington, then went out and lost to the San Jose Sharks. They still hold a slight edge on the Wild for home ice in that inevitable first-round matchup, but at some point you’d like to see them warm up again.

2. Tampa Bay Lightning (27-13-3, +39) – They’ve pretty clearly emerged as the class of the Atlantic. Sure, the Red Wings are technically ahead by one point, but that’s thanks to three games in hand. Meanwhile, Tampa has nine straight wins and has scored four or more in every one of them (including putting up a converted touchdown in two of their last three). The Jon Cooper lifetime achievement award Jack Adams is finally going to happen, folks.

Also: Here’s Pierre with Julien BriseBois.

1. Colorado Avalanche (33-4-7, +83) – They responded to their first regulation losing streak of the year by winning back-to-back games by a combined score of 12-2. Tonight, they get a fun one with the suddenly decent again Maple Leafs.

*Goals differential without counting shootout decisions like the NHL does for some reason.

Not ranked: New York Islanders – Over the course of a week and a bit, they beat the Leafs and the Wild, two of the league’s better teams over the last month. They destroyed the Devils. And then, because this is the NHL, they also lost to the Predators. Whew, things almost made sense there for a second, glad we nipped that in the bud.

They’ve got five games left on a season-high seven-game road trip, with the Jets up next tomorrow night. They’re comfortably in a playoff position, and are just four points back of the Hurricanes for top spot in the Metro. And Ilya Sorokin is starting to generate some awards buzz — not just for the Vezina, but maybe even as an MVP candidate.

But my main reason for mentioning the Islanders here was to flag a list that Mirtle put together in the most recent newsletter: Olympic representation per team. The Lightning have 10 players on Olympic rosters, which is the most in the league, one ahead of the Panthers. Three more teams are tied for third with eight players each, and one of them is a surprise; you’d expect the Avalanche and Wild, but maybe not the Devils.

And the Islanders? Despite being one of the league’s better stories, they’ve got only one player headed to Milan. That would be Bo Horvat, who surprised a few of us by making Team Canada. That ties the Islanders with the Blackhawks for the league low. You could take that as a sign of disrespect, I suppose. Or you could think ahead to the post-break scramble, where the Islanders will be one of the best-rested teams in the playoff race. Come to think of it, maybe you’d rather do both.

Either way, let’s enjoy Simon Holmström casually beating one of the best teams in the league.

The bottom five

The five teams headed toward dead last and the best lottery odds for the top pick in this year’s draft.

This was weird.

If you’re wondering, here’s what was going on.

5. Winnipeg Jets (17-22-5, -8) – Two straight wins. As the kids like to say, we are so back. Chat. Sigma. Unc? I don’t know what any of this means and I’m embarrassing myself.

4. Anaheim Ducks (21-21-3, -22) – It was fun while it lasted. But with nine straight losses and counting, the Ducks become our 14th team to make a bottom five appearance.

3. St. Louis Blues (17-21-8, -45) – Philip Broberg has a brand-new extension, which he celebrated by recording an assist against the Knights and then leaving after a questionable hit from Mark Stone. It’s safe to say Brayden Schenn didn’t like it.

2. Calgary Flames (19-22-4, -19) – They still can’t score, but they didn’t really need to to beat the Penguins and snap a four-game losing streak. Also, if the Leafs give up Easton Cowan in a trade for Rasmus Andersson, I will have a full-fledged temper tantrum. Conduct yourselves accordingly.

1. Vancouver Canucks (16-23-5, -40) – With six straight losses and Thatcher Demko hurt again, the tank is well and truly rolling. The question is whether you can trust them to pull it off.

Not ranked: Ottawa Senators – Well, that was certainly a week.

It wasn’t the worst stretch in franchise history, or even the most ridiculous, because that bar has been set high. Higher than just about any team in history, actually. So no, we don’t have to get silly when it comes to placing the last week in some sort of broader context. It wasn’t the absolute worst. It wasn’t the end of the world.

But man, it sure wasn’t good.

Let’s get you caught up. This time a week ago, the Senators were coming off wins over the Capitals and Jets, last year’s two best regular-season teams. It was the latest up in a decidedly up-and-down season, one that’s seen them hang around the playoff race without ever really taking control of a spot. That was hardly disastrous, but for a young team coming off a 97-point season and expecting to take the next step, it would be fair to at least call their first half a mild disappointment.

A big part of that first-half story had been the goaltending, or lack thereof. Linus Ullmark was struggling, which is bad news when a guy is in the first year of an extension with an $8 million cap hit. Backup Leevi Merilainen had been even worse. Then Ullmark took a personal leave from the team at the end of December.

That leave was apparently enough for the online rumor mill to start churning, with speculation apparently reaching a point where GM Steve Staios felt the need to step in. You’ve seen the statement by now, and it’s a doozy. You basically never see a formal statement like this from an NHL team under these circumstances, but the organization apparently felt that staying quiet wasn’t an option. For what it’s worth, the players seemed to appreciate it.

But while the statement is getting a lot of attention, the far bigger story in Ottawa is the team’s diminishing playoff odds. They lost four straight this week, all in regulation, including an embarrassing blowout in Colorado the day the statement went out. That loss dropped the Sens to dead last in the Atlantic, and while they’re still very much in the playoff race, they now feel like a long shot.

And while it’s tempting to blame it all on fake locker room drama, the problems in Ottawa seem simpler: It’s the goaltending. Julian nails it – the position has been an issue all season, and it should have been dealt with. The Senators signed James Reimer this week, a veteran who split last year between the Ducks and Sabres and hasn’t played since. Maybe he can stop some of the bleeding. But unless he turns into this year’s Hamburglar, the Senators are going to need Ullmark back and playing like an $8 million goalie. If that doesn’t happen, a playoff miss is looming.

Meanwhile, an exhausted fan base watches on. Staios had already raised a few eyebrows a week ago when he told reporters, “We’ll contend when we’re ready to contend,” an odd turn of phrase from a team that was supposed to already be there. Now Senators fans aren’t just watching their team fall out of the race — they’re doing it while their team gets the sort of sideshow treatment that was supposed to be in the past. Oh, and in case you forgot, they don’t even have their own first-round pick this year, having lost it as part of the whole Evgenii Dadonov fiasco a few years ago.

That’s all the bad news, and it’s a decent list. The good news is that, through all of the recent mess, the Senators are still in the Eastern Conference, where nobody is ever out of the race. The schedule serves up the Canucks and Rangers this week, and trips to Columbus and Nashville the week after, so there are plenty of points on the table. The end of the month brings a nasty stretch of Carolina, Vegas and Colorado, but that’s two weeks away. In the East, that’s at least a couple of lifetimes.

For now, we can cut away the soap-opera noise and focus on the reality in Ottawa: A good young team that was supposed to take the next step forward and now could be falling back instead, in large part due to a crucial flaw that hasn’t been addressed. That’s bad enough, without any made-up sideshows to go along with it.