“Houston is a car city,” they say. That’s not exactly by choice, though. Between fresh bike lanes getting jackhammered down to rubble, nightmare sidewalks to nowhere, and an insultingly inadequate public transportation system, we’re forced into being a car city. And when a population in the millions pumps the accelerator…well, that’s when the freeway devolves into Fury Road. Stay safe out there, friends, and in the meantime, take a moment to (not) appreciate everything the local infrastructure has (not) gifted us.
NO MA’AM
Freeway drag racers. We’re spending too much time worrying about our own safety to be impressed by your lack of concern for it.
NO MA’AM
Crumbling sidewalks. Someday, an ADA lawyer is going to get really wealthy from suing the city for all its infractions against disabled Houstonians.
NO MA’AM
Critical Mass. Once a fantastic and thought-provoking bike event with an important “share the road” message, it has now become a cesspool of edgelords actively trying to cause accidents.
NO MA’AM
Roundabouts. This isn’t New England!
NO MA’AM
Demolishing bike lanes. Mayor Whitmire’s sleep paralysis demon must be a BMX or something.
NO MA’AM
SuperCabs everywhere. Unless you’re an urban farmer or work in landscaping, there’s no need to inconvenience other drivers with one of these low-visibility vehicular manslaughter mobiles.
NO MA’AM
Potholes. Houston may be Space City, but that doesn’t mean our roads have to resemble the surface of the moon.
NO MA’AM
Perpetual construction, part 1. It’s necessary, yes, but could you maybe do a better job of cleaning up after? We can only afford to replace our tires so many times after running over discarded nails.
NO MA’AM
Perpetual construction, part 2. Disrupting access to beloved local businesses without proper support from the city.
NO MA’AM
I-45 expansion. Destroying the East Side’s architectural and cultural history, because god forbid we go with the safer, more convenient, and less environmentally devastating option of building additional Metro rail lines.
NO MA’AM
Honking at everything. No, we’re not going to hook a left into oncoming traffic just because you sat on your horn. We assure you, the resulting crash will actually make you wait even longer.
NO MA’AM
Mandatory valet parking in tiny lots. All that needlessly complicated maneuvering just for your car to end up in the parking space you’re already standing next to.