The Bravado has officially docked, and we finally have our answers: Nathan is a bosun, Gael is a mom, and Joe is … still a “fuckman.”
Photo: Bravo
When we embarked on the Bravado, the main questions driving the season were, Can Nathan hold it together as a bosun? And: Who is pregnant? As the season got under way, other questions concerning the deck team’s stability piled up like Jenga blocks. Will Tess and Christian do enough to keep their jobs? (No.) Who will take their spots when they go? (V and Joe, to disastrous consequences.) Can Nathan manage Max’s indomitable personality? (Uh …) Who will be appointed lead deckhand? (Joe, to Max’s never-ending grief.) Yet the two main questions never left us, and they are both answered in this week’s finale. Not only did Nathan get out alive, but he also realigned his priorities and grew into a more mature, responsible leader. In the final moments of this episode, we see Nathan leave for the new season and say bye to Gael and their baby, Kayden. The reveal isn’t very climactic since we knew all along that Gael was his baby mama. We knew this, of course, from Instagram, where we also learned that, to our collective disappointment, Nathan holds bigoted views. Really puts a dent in his arc.
Especially because, despite a lively boatmance landscape this season, the finale’s most dramatic breakup was the one between Nathan and Joe. They left last season BFFs — when Joe came back to the Bravado to aid the hamstrung deck team, they literally jumped into each other’s arms. Sandy was even worried that their buddydom would affect the precarious balance of the exterior crew; indeed, it triggered a weekslong grudge for Max, who felt left out of their rapport. And yet when it’s time to say good-bye, they don’t even hug; Nathan sends Joe off with a simple “Take it easy.” Joe shrugs that they want different things out of life. While Nathan is about to become a father, Joe will roam free on the streets of Liverpool, wreaking havoc on innocent women’s lives.
To locate the beginning of the end for Nathan and Joe, we have to recap the final charter. When we pick up this week, Joe is telling Nathan that the fact that he is “not allowed” to hook up with Kizzi is making him want to “smell her vagina,” just like that. It bothers him that Nathan judges him for this completely normal desire, but Nathan is trying to move on from his “boisterous, immature” side — the very basis of their friendship. (This, let me just point out, is the same man who was throwing chicken nuggets onto the boat in the company of said immature friend not even four nights ago.)
When Nathan gets back to the boat, he notices Max is quieter than usual. Max chalks it up to bad sleep, but the real reason for his distress is that his season did not go as planned. He was set on becoming a lead deckhand and advancing on his path toward one day being a bosun, but his “enemy,” Nathan, stood in the way. It’s probably not helping that things between him and Cathy are still uncertain. Though Cathy tells V she’s grateful for Max’s support during a difficult week (imagine, it’s been only one week since Cathy found out her stepfather died), she still hopes Max will agree not to label their thing. I thought this meant more trouble for them since Max doesn’t exactly seem like a play-it-by-ear kind of guy, but in the end, it all works out. Spoiler: They leave the boat together, open to possibility and willing to take life as it comes. My question: Where did they go?
Kizzi finally makes it back to the boat after the charter’s second breakfast with a fractured toe, boot, and crutches, which she doesn’t use, preferring to be carried places by Joe instead. The fact that Kizzi is down a foot does not stop her and Joe from being all over each other, while V watches on within an inch of losing her cool. Meanwhile, Josh works on pulling out all the stops for dinner. Since Annalise still won’t shut up about king-crab legs, even though she is leaving the boat in one day and can get king crab whenever she pleases henceforth, and since in her bid to ruin Josh’s life, she pushed for dinner to be served at 10 p.m., despite the fact that Josh has been awake and working since 4:45 a.m., he needs to work in truffles and crab legs into his menu. He does so — plus dry ice. The food finally lands with the guests, their dumb whims having been appeased. I’m glad for Josh that he avoided being berated on the final night of the season, but, honestly, a person like Annalise should not be encouraged.
Aesha stays up with Cathy and sends Kizzi to bed, where she is carried to by Joe. After talking a bit with Gael, who agrees to come back to Barcelona from her surfing trip, Nathan finds V crying on her back on the swim platform, earbuds on. He hugs her tight and reassures her that he has her back — in that moment, she reminds him of his sister. Later that night, in their cabin, Nathan gives Joe an elder-brother-style talking-to. “Don’t act the big man or I’m going to smack the shit out of you,” he promises, sounding serious. It only annoys Nathan more that Joe tries to charm him in all of his old ways, taking everything as a joke. In the morning, things are so weird between them. Even though Joe tells us in a confessional that he didn’t like getting chewed out by his best friend, he does not address his feelings or the conversation with Nathan. Instead, they sit in silence.
At least V gets the satisfaction of accidentally stepping on Kizzi’s fractured toe. The worst part of the Kizzi-Joe-V fiasco, I think, is that it sapped V of any sustainable story line in the last leg of the season. She was relegated to Woman Scorned, a place where no woman wants to be, and though she acted nobly when it was time to stand up for herself, she never quite regained her spotlight. V was more than just a victim to Kizzi and Joe’s scheming this season: She came on as a green stew and worked her way into being one of the strongest members of the deck team, she conquered everyone’s hearts, and yet reality-television machinery made her look small. We won’t remember her like this, of course, but it drives a person crazy.
Almost as crazy as Nathan trying to communicate with Max through one last docking. When the Bravado makes it back to port for the final time, Max fumbles the lines, which threatens to send Nathan into a spiral. When Nathan presses him on it, Max is just sort of like, “I’m tired and it’s the last minute of the last charter. Who cares?” I respect Nathan not wanting to drop his standards just because it’s the last docking, but on the other hand, it’s the last docking. The conclusion of the enmity between these two is that, when they are both drunk at the club, they hug it out: Nathan tells Max he has a good heart but it is really hard work. Max laughs. Happy ending!
After the guests leave, the crew gathers for the last tip meeting: They made $1,454 each from the charter, adding up to $19,900 each for the season. Should I get into yachting? I thought the $16,000 tip from these particular guests was kind of lacking given the state of their cabins and their determination to make things as difficult as possible for the crew, but all is well that ends well, I guess. Sandy praises every crew member for their growth, commitment, and performance. She won’t have dinner with them that night, though, because she is going out with her wife, Leah, who arrives on port shortly afterward. After Leah says hi to Aesha — who is eating noodles and doing a face mask with no pants on in her cabin, like any reasonable person after a long day of work — the captain and her wife bid adieu to the Bravado for now.
Meanwhile, the crew gets ready to go out. Cathy advises Max not to fight with Nathan so they can close the season on a positive note, but at this point, Max is the last thing on Nathan’s mind. He talks to Aesha about the situation with Joe and Kizzi, while Kizzi herself tells Cathy that the tension between her and Joe is unignorable. After all, she broke up with poor Tom — to whom, by the way, she is now engaged, per Instagram — because she wanted to kiss every single person onboard, which she did, with the (painful) exception of Josh. But Nathan’s focus is really on Gael for the rest of the night, if not for the rest of his life. Having agreed to go out with the crew, Gael arrives wearing a green minidress that sends Nathan spinning.
Kizzi doesn’t waste any time sidling up to Joe at dinner, making V, who’s sitting right next to them, suffer through their “banter.” Joe was already riled up from being rejected by Nathan, who decided to go to Australia to be with Gael rather than to Liverpool with Joe after the season. Jealous of the grip Gael has on Nathan’s attention, Joe officially throws all caution to the wind when it comes to flirting with Kizzi in front of V. In the club, Kizzi licks Joe’s eyeball (yes, you read that right — and you saw that right, too, when it was on television). At least Kizzi and Joe wait to make out until they are in a separate van from V. While Gael finally grants Nathan his last chance to make her happy, Kizzi makes out with Cathy, too, just for good measure. “Ooh la la,” says Max.
Kizzi and Joe’s long-awaited make-out doesn’t turn out to be very climactic. For one, Kizzi goes to bed before Joe can get other ideas — when he finds her sound asleep, he gives up and eats noodles in bed, while the people who decided to put others first (Gael and Nathan, Cathy and Max) share sweet moments in guest cabins. Secondly, as she tells Josh in the crew mess, now that she has ticked Joe’s name off her kiss list, Kizzi can live the rest of her life with no regrets. If anything, it made her realize she might be in love with Tom, whom she dumped so she could kiss the likes of Joe. Her brain should be kept in formaldehyde and studied by scientists in the future as a specimen of Realitus televisus.
Only one more thing happens before the crew departs the next morning. In the crew mess, there is a slight confrontation between Joe and V when Joe tries to make small talk, saying he remembers climbing the side of the boat the previous night. V retorts that he was all over Kizzi and calls him a fuckboy, which then sends Joe — in a confessional; as established, he becomes paralyzed during face-to-face confrontations — into a defense so cringeworthy I felt as if blood might stream out of my eyes and ears. He says he is not a fuckboy but a fuckman, because at least he owns his mistakes. He and Kizzi agree they don’t care about any of the stuff with V, now that the season is over.
By the time all of this happens, Josh has already left with his guitar and his eyeliner and his felt hat. V leaves after giving Sandy a card and apparently without having said much of a good-bye to Kizzi and Joe. Joe himself leaves after Kizzi, promising to focus on his career and “self-growth.” Before she leaves, Aesha tells Gael and Nathan they are invited to her wedding — but only if they attend as a couple. Cathy and Max, as established, leave together, as do Gael and Nathan. And I leave you now, dear reader. What a season we’ve had. Thanks for watching along!
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