Hello everybody. College basketball rosters have the look of a drunk game of Yahtzee these days, so we will take a moment to try and figure out who is on your team. With the ever changing eligibility rules, I’d rather move used refrigerators, so keep in mind the sacrifices I’m making for our readers.

Indiana

Shot Into the Sun: Well, most everybody, but most importantly head coach Mike Woodson was given the one way ticket to the pocket universe. Outgoing coaches means portal time, and Malik Reneau got a flight to Miami while Mackenzie Mgbako will scout the Taco Bells of Texas A&M. We even have some #B10Crime, with Myles Rice headed to Maryland, Gabe Cupps headed to Ohio State, and Bryson Tucker going to Washington.

Eligibility has also hit, with Oumar Ballo, Anthony Leal, Luke Goode, and Trey Galloway running out of years. Also gone are Langdon Hatton (eligibility), Jakai Newton (Georgia State), and Kanaan Carlyle (Florida Atlantic).

Still Standing: Hoosier the Bison returns after a 56 year leave of absence.

Hi Everybody I’m New Here: For the coaching, the Hoosiers targeted Darien Devries, formerly of West Virginia and Drake. As it happens, he sired a fringe NBA prospect and top notch shooter in wing Tucker Devries, who followed him to Bloomington.

The portal backcourt includes Nick Dorn (Elon), Jason Drake (Drexel), Tayton Conerway (Troy), Jasai Miles (North Florida), Lamar Wilkerson (Sam Houston), and Conor Enright (Depaul). Frontcourt options include Josh Harris (North Florida), Sam Alexis (Actual Florida), and Reed Bailey (Davidson).

One freshman to be swirlied, and that is four star forward Trent Sisley. If he can shoot, I’m calling him the Sizzler.

Purdue

Shot Into the Sun: Ah, Purdue, the black and gold standard in continuity. Caleb Furst has finally run out of years to play college basketball. The portal claimed Myles Colvin (Wake Forest), Cam Heide (Texas), and Brian Waddell (Bellarmine). Sadly, massive ginger Will Berg has exited to Wichita State. Shocking, I know.

Still Standing: All sorts of Boilers staying put. The Big Three of Braden Smith, Fletcher Loyer, and Trey Kaufman-Renn are all coming back. They also get their Painter-style center back in 7-4 Daniel Jacobsen, who missed nearly all of last season with injury.

A couple young guards come back in C.J. Cox and Gicarri Harris, as well as forward Raleigh Burgess and redshirt freshman Jack Benter.

Hi Everybody I’m New Here: Two transfers and two freshmen. Center Oscar Cluff comes from South Dakota State after a season at Wazzu, and they also claimed wing Liam Murphy from North Florida. The frosh are three star guard Antione West and Israeli Omer Mayer for the international flair.