1806 Ditmas Avenue.
Photo-Illustration: Curbed; Photos: Corcoran

Listen, it’s not as though getting an apartment in New York has ever been easy. But one could probably argue it has never been harder than it is right now. The most god-awful studios are regularly renting for thousands and thousands of dollars with lines of interested tenants out the door. Here, we’ll find the actually worth-looking-ats, the actually worth-the-costs, and the surprisingly affordable-for-those-parquet-floors from around the internet. 

The Upper West Side is, sadly, not so affordable, or so I surmised from this week’s search. Still, I had fun zigzagging from uptown to midtown and then over to Brooklyn Heights, the Upper West Side of Brooklyn. The common threads: double-height ceilings, garish Baroque flourishes, and wood-burning fireplaces galore. Keep reading for a price comp at the bottom.

$2,900, studio: Nicely renovated alcove studio with not-so-terrible finishes and some Art Deco lobby tiling.

209 West 104th Street.
Photo: Compass

$3,700, studio: There’s something very Dickensian about this one. It’s like a whole brownstone has been collapsed into a tiny, cozy one-bedroom. Working fireplace!

$3,795, studio: This seems to be the going rate for a studio in these parts (I warned you), but at least all the studios seem to have working fireplaces? And bonus points for the tin ceiling here.

$3,995, 1-bedroom: Finally, we’ve graduated from the studio apartments and into the land of one-bedrooms. This renovation kind of took my breath away … no notes.

317 West 103rd Street.
Photo: Corcoran

$4,500, 1-bedroom: Standard pre-war with potential (nipple fixtures galore, though).

$5,800, 2-bedroom: Bad paint jobs and light fixtures, but, again, potential.

$9,000, 3-bedroom: The lobby reads Versailles, but the apartment itself is minimal and light on personality. Not cheap, but the natural light is plentiful, and the ceiling beams are elegant.

240 West 98th Street.
Photo: Courtesy of the owner

$14,000, 4-bedroom: Stunning brownstone built in 1886.

$7,500, 1-bedroom: This one is just for gawking — the Champagne tones, the chintz, the fact that every surface has something on it? Very Versailles meets the Upper East Side via Midtown.

321 East 43rd Street.
Photo: Corcoran

$3,900, 1-bedroom: This one is also just for fun and fawning. I’m kind of obsessed with the Slime Time Live accents everywhere.

$13,500, 3-bedroom: Amazing and truly Trumpian.

$4,125, 1-bedroom: I’m usually skeptical of these double-height lofted one-bedrooms, but the combination of the tatami mats and the oversize windows are calming me down.

$7,750, 1-bedroom: Okay, another one that’s really testing my assumptions about double-height ceilings. I truly didn’t know ceilings could stretch to such heights.

218 East 25th Street.
Photo: Sotheby’s International Realty

$2,850, 1-bedroom: Wide, painted hardwood floors and beautiful windows (and fire escape). Don’t look at the kitchen — just trust me, don’t do it.

$8,450, 2-bedroom: Stunning Provençal windows on the parlor floor of this duplex. Best block in the area, too.

170 Congress Street.
Photo: Corcoran

$12,995, 1-bedroom: Say what you want about the price point, this 1844 brownstone duplex  is possibly worth every penny.

44 Remsen Street.
Photo: SERHANT

$5,750, 1-bedroom: There’s a crazy bipolarity at play here — bury me in the historic, mahogany-clad study with a wood-burning fireplace, obviously.

This week’s matchup asks an important New York question: Would you rather be the richest person in Ditmas Park or an averagely rich person in your Prospect Park South co-op?

1806 Ditmas Avenue is full fantasy fulfillment or family compound, depending on your bank account. This sprawling Ditmas Park house has seven bedrooms (like, why, how?), a gorgeous wraparound porch, a lawn, a driveway, and a garage. Inside, it’s ornate and grand with chandeliers, carved wood, coffered ceilings, and so much molding everywhere. Only catch is that it’s $3.85 million.

1806 Ditmas Avenue.
Photo: Corcoran

Dropping back down to reality: a not cheap but more affordable apartment. 701 Albemarle Road D3 goes in a bit of the opposite direction of Ditmas Avenue — less compound, more modest. But it has three bedrooms, treetop views, prewar details, and a decent renovation. At least you’ll save money on water because you don’t have a lawn to spray down. Silver linings!

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