Overview: San Diego Pride recognition

For the past three decades, they have lived in a house in University Heights with separate closets but a shared bed. 

Julie Hoffman and Summer White are being recognized for their inspiring relationship at this year’s San Diego Pride festivities – which coincides with the 40th anniversary of when they first got together on June 8, 1985.

The two were at lesbian bar Calamities after a Pride Parade, back when San Diego still held it in June, when Hoffman began looking at White across the room.

A jealous acquaintance tried to talk her out of approaching White. 

Hoffman said, “She started reading me all these things about Summer that she thought was gonna turn me off. And everything she said, it’s like, ‘I like that. I like that. I like that too.’ So (White) comes over to me and she says, ‘Is she bothering you?’ I said, ‘Yeah.’ (Summer) gave me a big old kiss. She said, ‘You want to go to my house?’”

The two left together and have been dating ever since. 

Fulfilling the U-Haul stereotype of many lesbian couples, they moved in together three weeks later. 

White described Hoffman as the light of her life while Hoffman said of her partner, “I cannot imagine my life without Summer. She completes every piece of me absolutely. I’m extremely lucky to have found somebody that tolerates me.”

Part of what makes their relationship work, Hoffman said, is having bad habits align. 

Some might only look to the good, but not fighting about bad habits can be more important, she said. 

“We shared a checkbook and money since the day we met, but she has her drawers and spaces in the house, and I have mine. And mine are gorgeous and organized, and hers are hers,” Hoffman said. 

For the past three decades, they have lived in a house in University Heights with separate closets but a shared bed. 

Passion for volunteering 

In addition to years as season ticket holders for the Chargers, they spent their time with such organizations as the gay rodeo, the Imperial Court and San Diego Leather Girls, but most of all volunteering. 

“Our biggest thing and passion that we do has always been volunteering. Since we got together right before the AIDS crisis, by 1988 there was, unfortunately, a need for volunteering, and so we really jumped on that,” White said. Since she is chronically ill with lupus, volunteering also gives her flexibility that a job wouldn’t. 

Hoffman worked as an RN in HIV care for 30 years. 

Today she volunteers at Ivy Pharmacy where occasionally men she has treated for decades come in, having survived a period where the couple sometimes went to five funerals a week.

“It’s fun to see the old timers,” Hoffman said. 

The pair endured the epidemic with support from each other, as even the community they sought to help turned on them. 

For a time, the two stopped going out because, as the charge nurse for Dr. Keith Vhrel, patients would accost Hoffman if they were not getting the experimental drugs they wanted, or if their treatments were making them sicker. 

White recalled dropping off condoms at bar bathrooms only for the staff to yell at them for reminding people about a disease when they were trying to have fun. 

“I don’t care. I’m here to save lives,” White replied. 

Decades later, White is proud that some of their work is now widespread. Bars carry condoms, Narcan, and drink covers to improve the safety of customers. 

Instead of condoms, the two now carry Narcan in case someone overdoses and often also have spare food to give to people in need. Beyond volunteering, helping people whenever they can is part of their ethos. Any extra money is given to charity or friends struggling. 

 “It’s just what you do,” White said. “I hope somebody would do that for me.”

Receiving the Inspirational Relationship Award from San Diego Pride encourages the two to keep going, both in serving their community and in dedication to each other. 

“It’s inspiring in itself, to have us keep going,” White said.