Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

A month ago, our 10-year-old son “Adam” accidentally kicked a soccer ball into our neighbor’s yard. Ever since, my wife “Ellen” and I have been in a dispute about the fallout.

The ball knocked a glass sun catcher from a tree, causing it to shatter on their patio. Unfortunately, it was an expensive sun catcher—$200. We paid our neighbors so they could replace it. The dispute is about whether Adam should pay us back.

Adam gets $20 in allowance per week, and I think he should have to reimburse us. Ellen doesn’t think Adam should have to be on the hook for it since it was an accident because “that’s what happens with kids sometimes.” I think 10 is old enough to take responsibility for something that gets damaged!

—No Glass Pass

Dear Glass Pass,

First of all, $200 for a sun catcher? That seems steep to me, but that’s beside the point here.

You’re right, this is a great opportunity to teach Adam about money and responsibility. I understand where your wife is coming from—accidents happen, and this was an unusually expensive one. But instead of viewing it as punishment, could you try framing it as a valuable lesson in financial responsibility and real-world consequences?

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This isn’t about teaching him to keep soccer balls out of neighbors’ yards—that’s going to happen again. It’s more about learning how to handle the inevitable financial setbacks that happen to all of us.

If he’s getting an allowance already, he’s old enough to understand the value of money. Your suggestion is an ideal way to show him how it works—a real world scenario that won’t set him back forever, but will also teach him that financial stability isn’t always guaranteed.

Could you compromise with Ellen and have Adam pay for half of it? Ten weeks of allowance might feel overwhelming to a kid, but five weeks would still drive the lesson home without feeling too overwhelming for him.

Next time you talk about this with Ellen, frame it as a perfect teaching opportunity rather than a punishment. You’re giving Adam a chance to learn an important life skill in a relatively low-stakes situation. Afterall, one of the best ways to teach kids about money is to include them in real-life financial conversations and decisions.

—Kristin

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