Sloth is defined as a reluctance to make an effort. Online courses are an absolute manifestation of sloth. Did you know sloth is one of the seven deadly sins? Zoom sucks.
Now don’t get me wrong, I get it. Covid. But quarantine has been dead for years now. Why do we remain so comfortable with our abandonment of engagement? Of interpersonal connection? I’m supposed to be the “Old Man on Campus,” and I’m never on freakin’ campus. Isn’t this supposed to be the legendary college experience from my younger days? Where are the protests? The sweet game of frisbee in the quad? Making friends and mentors and waxing poetic at the crowded cafe near the library?
I am currently taking six classes and I am required to be on campus less than 15 hours a month. How will I ever get handed a photocopied flyer to a frat party? When will I get to fall asleep in the library like I used to? Gleefully survive an eight-hour day of class on only coffee? None of that?! Nope, because I’m too busy sitting on my couch in my underwear, alone, “going to class”. If I was going to break a mortal sin when I came back to college, I thought it would be cooler than this.
A recent study reports that almost 50% of college administrators plan to raise their spending for online programs. Another study reported on the “death of campus life as we know it,” and said almost 90% of colleges and universities plan to increase courses offered online over the next three years. Sorry, Charlie, Zoom classes aren’t going anywhere.
If you believe Zoom education compares to the quality of learning and life experience gained from going to college in person, I have swampland in Florida to sell you. I mean, who doesn’t love a professor who doesn’t know how to work their own Google Slides? How about the Ph.D. who forgot to bring the textbook to their dining room, so they dawdle off camera for five minutes, leaving us to contemplate our life choices?
But never fear! Online professors have a foolproof way to generate meaningful connections, genuine engagement and positive, fruitful discourse. The breakout room. Sorry, I just choked coffee out my nose even typing that. The only “breakout” in a breakout room is the rash I’m developing on my ass from Zoom class. Humans shouldn’t be allowed to get a degree in bed.
When I went to San Diego State University 25 years ago, it just felt different. It felt like you were a part of something. Something tangible and real. Hands on. Something bigger than you. Something bigger than the damned internet. Sometimes you showed up tired and unprepared. Sometimes you showed up unshowered in the same clothes you wore yesterday, maybe a little hungover. But you showed up. You showed up and shuffled into the back of that lecture hall, took a seat next to your buddy who had brought you a coffee and smiled, because you were living in the good ol’ days. You showed up. You might call me nostalgic or sentimental or old-fashioned, but… No, wait, go ahead and call me those things.