Jeffrey White never wanted to be the kind of parent who hid the truth about how he lost his 16-year-old son, Alec. He didn’t want people to tiptoe around him or avoid saying Alec’s name.

Instead, he wanted his son to be remembered for who he truly was: a vibrant teenager who loved skateboarding and skiing, and who faced a difficult battle with mental illness.

“I didn’t want that to be a secret. You don’t want to be the whisper in the room,” said White, who lives in Loudon.“It is part of my recovery. My healing is by helping you.”

For eight years, since his son died by suicide in November 2017, White has made it his mission to use every day as a chance to break the stigma surrounding mental health and to prevent suicide.

From raising money to help support mental health education to helping emergency personnel receive Crisis Intervention Team training, White has dedicated himself to advocacy in every form.

Jeffrey White with his team, Alec’s Antics, at this year’s NAMI Walks NH

He leads a NAMI Walks NH team each year in his son’s memory, raising funds and awareness and spreading the message that mental health is for everyone.

This year, his team, Alec’s Antics, raised $10,000.

He said his goal is to make people feel more comfortable talking about mental health and to help them see that it’s completely okay to not be okay. He hopes his advocacy will move people to ask for help when they need it and to take medication if it helps them feel better.

“These are things that I wish people like Alec, and before Alec, knew that it was okay,” White said.

Alec White

After Alec’s death, White found a lifeline through the National Alliance on Mental Illness New Hampshire (NAMI NH). There, he connected with others who understood his pain and began attending suicide loss support groups, something he still does.

Today, he serves on NAMI NH’s board of directors.

With his former sister-in-law, White also launched Pink Donuts for Alec, a campaign that quickly gained momentum on social media. Each year on Alec’s birthday, Feb 26, people across the country buy a pink-frosted donut — Alec’s favorite — snap a selfie and share it online.

White said Alec loved pink donuts, and the campaign is a way to inspire people to “open minds, mouths, ears and hearts” to conversations about mental health, suicide and hope.

Whenever someone asks him to share his story or to help someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, White never hesitates to respond.

Talking about his loss, he said, helps him to continue through his grief, and now he wants to be that same source of strength for others.

He reminds survivors that every emotion they feel is valid, whether they sleep too much or too little, cry unexpectedly, feel angry, yell, eat too much or eat nothing at all.

“Grief is a powerful struggle,” said White.

Losing Alec was both devastating and deeply eye-opening for White. He found purpose after his loss, a drive to keep talking about mental health and to help others feel less alone.

He doesn’t see himself stepping back anytime soon; instead, he wants to do even more.

 “I think experience and having people with mental health experiences telling their story is so powerful,” White said. “You really can educate a lot of people just by not being afraid to share your personal story.”

If you need help
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
NH Rapid Response Access Point: If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health and/or substance use crisis, call/text 1-833-710-6477 to speak to trained clinical staff.

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