Dr. Oz tells us that by the midterms, Americans will lose 135 billion pounds. Surely he erred — he must have meant 135 million, meaning that to reach his goal, we would each need to lose 4/10ths of a pound by next November.
I propose that we can help meet his goal immediately by all of us taking a shit at once and mailing it to:
Dr. Mehmet Oz
Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services
7500 Security Blvd
Baltimore, MD 21244