Neda Irene Butts Wenger Warmer
June 22, 1928 – October 24, 2025

Neda Irene Butts Wenger Warmer, beloved mother, family member and friend, passed away peacefully at her home on October 24, 2025. She was 97.

Born the first full day of summer 1928 in the lap of Larned, Kansas, Neda was the eldest daughter of wheat farmers Flossie and Sidney Butts. Neda’s character was forged in the hardscrabble early years of her life, defying the Great Depression, the Dust Bowl and polio. Ahead from the start, she took her first steps at just nine months old, wearing doll shoes, the only pair in town that fit.

Neda’s love of reading and vivid language began early. She would sneak away on the farm, climbing into a tree to steal a few extra minutes with her book, working her way through every print in the one room school house. Growing up alongside her younger sister Carol and with the steady presence and love of her grandparents, she became a strong student and the fastest runner in school. She graduated at the top of her class from Larned High School and earned a scholarship to the University of Kansas (KU), where she completed a Bachelor of Science in English. While at KU, she fell in love with Norman Edward Wenger, sharing a love of literature and song. Before finishing school, they were married in Danforth Chapel on the University campus. Norman finished medical school and Neda successfully tackled her first teaching assignment, three grades in one classroom.

As Norman pursued his medical degree, residency and naval service, they started a family and had four children, Katherine, Kurt, Kent and Karl. In the military, they moved every few years from El Cajon to 29 Palms, across the country to Camp LeJeune and Portsmouth, back across to Pearl Harbor and then back to the San Diego area for duty in Coronado. Everywhere they went, Neda led the family in exploring the local environment, history, culture and library. Neda loved Hawaii, where she took up yoga and enjoyed the natural splendor and relaxed pace. Though, like many other soon to be family friends, once they landed in Coronado, it stuck.

In the wake of the impact of the Vietnam war and cultural upheaval of the era, Neda found herself single in the 1970s with four teenagers. She resumed her career as an educator and for more than 20 years she taught in the Coronado Unified School District, primarily as a first-grade teacher. A curator of the best children’s literature, she loved teaching children to read (including her grandchildren), recognizing children’s developmental needs. She had a way of making everyone feel important. Outside of school, Neda built a full life in the community, supporting the arts, attending the theater, investing with the Sand Dollars ladies club, regularly attending meditation and bible studies, and also as a member of several book clubs, Soroptimist, and P.E.O. (Philanthropic Educational Organization). She was a passionate KU basketball fan, watching every game and hanging on every move (Rock Chalk!).

Later in life, Neda reconnected with longtime friend Rev. Dr. Thomas P. Warmer, whom she considered her soul mate. The two shared a deep connection and loving marriage. They held hands and played gin rummy, partnering through a life together full of admiration and respect for one another. With dear friends and fellow congregants, they founded the Coronado Community Church in 1996 and it continues on today.

Neda was humble and sincere and she led by example. She always saw the best in people and inspired those around her to live up to that generous view. Neda was fully accepting and appreciated people for who they were, not what they were. She was known for her integrity, moral clarity and compassion. Ever elegant, she was unfailingly good company and quick to laugh. She shied away from attention or admiration, though she often attracted it. To those who loved her, she was unwittingly the center of everything.

After raising four kids of her own, she delighted in seeing her grown children start new families. Neda was a devoted and active grandmother, often hosting grandchildren Melita, Neda Marie, Jim, Clemens, and Julian, taking them to the beach, library, and zoo, cultivating deep relationships with each of them which brought her immense joy. And just as her grandmother had done for her, she joined in the effort to raise her eldest granddaughter, taking baby and parents into her home and under her wing. Following suit, Kurt and Marcia supported her as she aged, enabling Neda to stay in her home.

Neda was known for her empathy and unfailing kindness. Often, even on holidays, she welcomed unexpected guests, rearranging her sumptuous table and adding a place for one more. Believing in equality and fairness, Neda considered herself a feminist. She was a rule abider and did nothing in half-measure. She continued all her life to strive for more understanding and compassion, which helps explain why she had so much of it.

Having grown up with the values of the heartland, and with a commitment to a healthy environment, she reused rubber bands and tin foil, fixed things and wasted nothing. She was a steady witness to all of life, fully present, appreciating a cup of tea with a friend, a wide brimmed hat trimmed with Easter ribbons, a favorite book, a Mr. Lincoln rose in bloom. A devout Christian, when it came to the big questions in life, she handled them with her typical grace, saying “we’re all just walking each other home.”

Neda is survived by her sister Carol Barstow Huffstutler, and four children, seven grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren: daughter Katherine Tuttle (Ben), grandson Jim, granddaughter Neda Tuttle Danniel and great-granddaughter Sophie; son Kurt Wenger and daughter-in-law Marcia Banks, granddaughter Melita Jampol (Thaddeus), great-grandchildren Zoe, Elena, and Theodore, and Kurt’s sons, Jordan and Rodale; son Kent Wenger (Sherry), grandsons Clemens and Julian; and son Karl Wenger, who all miss her and love her dearly. She also leaves behind dear friends and extended family members who are forever transformed by knowing her. Rest in peace, Neda.

A Memorial Gathering will be held on Sunday, November 16 at 11:30 am at the meeting house of the Coronado Community Church, 201 6th Street, Coronado. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Soroptimist International of San Diego, Coronado Public Library, or the Coronado Community Church.

Submitted by the family.