{"id":101685,"date":"2025-07-29T09:14:14","date_gmt":"2025-07-29T09:14:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/101685\/"},"modified":"2025-07-29T09:14:14","modified_gmt":"2025-07-29T09:14:14","slug":"how-do-i-get-over-the-guilt-of-having-to-borrow-money-from-my-parents-to-fix-my-own-disgusting-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/101685\/","title":{"rendered":"How do I get over the guilt of having to borrow money from my parents to fix my own disgusting problem?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? <\/strong>Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/strong><\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/strong><\/p>\n

A year and a half ago, I went through one of the most disgusting and stressful experiences of my life. It took all my emergency savings, and most of my mental reserves, to get through it. And now it\u2019s happening again.<\/p>\n

Last year, for the first time in my life, my apartment had bedbugs. While my landlord covered the cost of the treatment, I had to burn through the majority of my \u201cin case of emergency\u201d savings to get the apartment prepped for fumigation and to replace the items that had to be disposed of. It was horrible, but I was working under the assumption that I wouldn\u2019t have to deal with this situation again anytime soon, and I got through it.<\/p>\n

Well, here we are today, and it\u2019s happening again. No bugs have been found in inspection, but some mystery bites and some mystery stains have meant that the whole process needs to be repeated. I feel like I\u2019m on the brink of a mental collapse. I\u2019m exhausted, stressed, and embarrassed.<\/p>\n

But also, I don\u2019t have the money to cover it again! My savings still haven\u2019t recovered from the last time, and the costs are adding up so fast. My parents have offered me a no-interest loan, and my sibling has come through with making sure I still have clothes to wear and a sympathetic ear to talk to. I feel so privileged and grateful to have a family that loves me and supports me, but I feel so bad about even needing it in the first place. I live several hours away from anyone in my immediate family, and my parents have also offered to fly in from out of town so that I\u2019ll have a hotel to stay in for a few nights and so they can help me unpack once the treatment is done. When they offered this to me, I started crying in relief but also with guilt, since it\u2019s now going to cost them even more money than what they\u2019ve already given me.<\/p>\n

The loan and the support are being graciously given: no guilt-trips, no digs. But I can\u2019t shake the shame I feel not being financially stable enough to handle it myself. The fact that there are signs of an infestation but no actual bugs seen yet are also making me feel like I overreacted (even when my landlord has made it clear this isn\u2019t a situation to under-react to). It all feels so wasteful and irresponsible in a way that I know doesn\u2019t make any logical sense but that I can\u2019t get out of my head.<\/p>\n

\u2014Feeling Grateful But So So Guilty<\/p>\n

Dear Feeling Grateful,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pest infestations are no laughing matter. They can wreak havoc on your mental wellness, physical health and, as you\u2019ve seen, your wallet.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start by separating out your financial issues from your emotional ones. On the financial side, you\u2019re broke, in debt to your parents, and worried about running up the bill beyond what they can afford. Those are all real concerns and they are legitimately anxiety-producing. On the emotional side, you feel indebted to your parents, embarrassed that you can\u2019t pay your own way, and angry you\u2019ve been forced into a place where you\u2019ve used up all your savings paying for someone else\u2019s problem. Cue an additional level of anxiety.<\/p>\n

If you can\u2019t live in your apartment because of a pest infestation, you shouldn\u2019t be paying rent. Ask the landlord for a rent abatement while the property is being treated and for the time you couldn\u2019t live in the apartment the last time it happened. If they refuse, look up your local landlord-tenant code and see what it says about the landlord\u2019s responsibility to manage and eradicate pest infestations and what they owe you, the tenant.<\/p>\n

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    You didn\u2019t say where you live, but New York City has some of the strongest tenant protections and most stringent requirements when it comes to pest infestations, particularly bed bugs. The New York City Housing Maintenance Code<\/a> (Section 27-2017.2) requires landlords to keep premises free of rodents and insects and tenants have the right to a bedbug-free environment. Bedbugs are specifically named in the list of insects that building owners are legally required to eradicate. Chicago and California (on the state level) also have strong tenant protections.<\/p>\n

    Let\u2019s go back to the biggest issue: You feel financially inadequate. There\u2019s no short-term fix, other than winning the lottery<\/a>, which as I\u2019ve written about isn\u2019t exactly a winning strategy. Instead, thank your parents for their love and support. Then, start to map out a longer-term life plan that will give you the financial wherewithal to live your life on your terms, including finding a new job, adding in some side-hustles and for sure finding a new, bug-free place to live.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Ilyce<\/p>\n

    More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I\u2019m not a neat freak. I\u2019ve heard people sometimes do things like clean their baseboards, but I\u2019ve never done it myself, and it doesn\u2019t bother me. That\u2019s my baseline for what comes next. What bothers me is clutter and trash. I feel like I have a pretty normal threshold for not wanting \u201cstuff\u201d on the floor, tables, counters, etc. My wife is less bothered by messiness. She\u2019s not a hoarder. But lived for years with a hoarder roommate, with that level of actual trash in the hallway between our bedrooms, and it didn\u2019t really bother my wife. I\u2019m trying to find a middle ground on picking up after ourselves.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":101686,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[600,64,255,1087,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-101685","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-personal-finance","11":"tag-relationships","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/114935763301469753","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101685","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101685"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101685\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101686"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}