{"id":140516,"date":"2025-08-12T20:05:11","date_gmt":"2025-08-12T20:05:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/140516\/"},"modified":"2025-08-12T20:05:11","modified_gmt":"2025-08-12T20:05:11","slug":"i-found-the-long-list-of-what-my-boyfriend-wants-in-a-woman-now-im-questioning-everything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/140516\/","title":{"rendered":"I found the long list of what my boyfriend wants in a woman. Now I’m questioning everything."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Jessica and Rich here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was reading through my boyfriend\u2019s FetLife profile and writings, and it\u2019s concerning me. He claims to be Dominant, but he\u2019s really not. He says that he prefers women who are petite and flat-chested. He also talks a lot about how much he loves to give oral sex to women, and he wants his women to be willing to swing with him.<\/p>\n

I have been with him for six years, and I can\u2019t give him any of that! It makes me wonder why he\u2019s even with me. We recently had a brief breakup, and he told me he would give all that stuff up if he could be with me, but I am doubtful. I don\u2019t really trust that he has much self-awareness.<\/p>\n

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    There\u2019s an Alarming Trend Happening at Our Kids\u2019 High School. I Need to Stop It.
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    Do you think we have any chance of having a healthy relationship if I can\u2019t fulfill any of his desires? I used to do some of it, but I have matured and changed, and would prefer to have a relatively normal, heterosexual relationship. He says he\u2019s OK with such a relationship, but I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m OK with being such a huge disappointment to him.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Not What He Wants<\/p>\n

    Dear Not What He Wants,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    I\u2019m missing a lot of details here, especially around why the two of you broke up and what the FetLife page was built for. I think you\u2019re also missing some details, such as why he was with you for six years despite not checking every box on his fantasy list and why he wanted to restart the relationship.<\/p>\n

    If you\u2019re in an open relationship, is it possible that he feels significantly fulfilled by you in several ways and is looking for partners who fulfill the roles you aren\u2019t interested in? And, if he set this up during your break, could it be in some part a reaction to the breakup? Most importantly, though, you\u2019re going to have to ask your boyfriend what his motivations and goals were and be able to believe him when he responds. That\u2019s going to be the biggest factor in whether the two of you can have a healthy relationship\u2014whether you\u2019re able to trust and speak openly with each other.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    \n Laura Helmuth
    \n I Monitor the Security Cameras at Work. I Just Saw Something I Definitely Shouldn\u2019t Have.
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    <\/a><\/p>\n

    As much as the feeling that you don\u2019t measure up to your boyfriend\u2019s desires might hurt, do your best to put that aside and focus on evaluating how much faith you have in him and the relationship. Talk it over with some trusted friends who\u2019ve seen the two of you together but who aren\u2019t mutuals. If your family has met him, check in with them about their opinions (omitting the sex aspects as needed).<\/p>\n

    \u2014Jessica<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I am a 32-year-old cisgender woman on the autism spectrum. I am also asexual. I\u2019m living with an allosexual cisgender man, and I quite like him. However, sexual intercourse between us gets awkward, for lack of a better term. I\u2019m happy to put out to please him, but something is lacking in our sex life, and he seems frustrated by his inability to bring me to orgasm.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Jessica and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":140517,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-140516","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-slate-plus","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115017595376756628","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140516","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=140516"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140516\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/140517"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=140516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=140516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=140516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}