{"id":148771,"date":"2025-08-15T21:00:11","date_gmt":"2025-08-15T21:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/148771\/"},"modified":"2025-08-15T21:00:11","modified_gmt":"2025-08-15T21:00:11","slug":"my-mother-in-law-is-pressuring-my-young-daughter-to-use-makeup-and-care-about-clothes-but-she-just-doesnt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/148771\/","title":{"rendered":"My mother-in-law is pressuring my young daughter to use makeup and care about clothes. But she just doesn’t!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My daughter, \u201cFiona\u201d is 12 and not a girly girl.\u00a0She\u2019s not unattractive by any means, just not interested in clothes or makeup.\u00a0The problem is that my mother-in-law has been constantly harping on this disinterest since last year, and claims that Fiona is \u201chopelessly ugly and desperately needs a makeover.\u201d\u00a0It\u2019s gotten to the point where Fiona doesn\u2019t want to spend time with her anymore because she\u2019s sick of the constant suggestions about how she should dress and offers to take her shopping for some \u201cproper clothes.\u201d\u00a0My husband says his mother is just trying to compensate for the fact that she only had boys and our daughter ought to \u201chumor\u201d her.\u00a0Personally, I am this close to giving my mother-in-law the wedgie from hell.\u00a0What\u2019s a good way of shutting this down?<\/p>\n

\u2014Grandma Wants a Daughter Do-Over<\/p>\n

Dear Grandma Wants a Daughter,<\/strong><\/p>\n

You have to shut this behavior down or cut off your mother-in-law\u2019s access to your daughter. It\u2019s bad enough that she\u2019s pressuring Fiona to change her style, but referring to her as \u201chopelessly ugly\u201d is both cruel and inappropriate. Let her know that you will no longer engage with her in conversations about your daughter\u2019s looks or clothes, and that if she wants to continue to spend time with her, she has to stop harassing her to go shopping. Do not let your husband use her desire for a daughter as an excuse for her to be nasty. Put your foot down; if she attempts to start one of these dialogues, interrupt her and say, \u201cI\u2019m not doing this with you again.\u201d If she is serious about maintaining her relationship with her grandchild, she\u2019ll get it together. If not, keep her far away from your kid; she has the capacity to cause Fiona serious harm and hurt.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife, \u201cLara,\u201d has always been on the touchy side, but recently she allowed her temper to cause a serious rift in the family.\u00a0 Lara and I have a 5-year-old daughter, \u201cNicki,\u201d and we had been planning to go out of town to see a concert for months.\u00a0 Then, the day before we were supposed to leave, the sitter we had lined up for Nicki was in a car accident.\u00a0 Luckily, she wasn\u2019t seriously injured, but still had to cancel.\u00a0 We asked my sister \u201cBree\u201d if she could come stay with Nicki, and she agreed.<\/p>\n

When we got back from our trip, everything seemed fine.\u00a0 Bree was about to head out the door when Lara stormed in from the kitchen, empty Icee drink cup in hand, and demanded to know \u201cwhere the fuck\u201d it came from.\u00a0 Bree explained that she\u2019d taken Nicki to the mall for some fun at the indoor playground she likes, and she got her a gift before they left.\u00a0 Lara has this ridiculous policy about Nicki not having sugar outside of special occasions, and got in Bree\u2019s face and cursed her out.\u00a0 Bree tried to explain that this was just a special treat, but Lara went after her and started hitting her.\u00a0 Bree is a former junior Golden Gloves girls\u2019 boxing champion, and Lara ended up on her ass with a broken nose before I could separate them.\u00a0 Now, Lara not only says Bree is out of our lives for good, she also wants to sue her.\u00a0 The fact that she attacked my sister over nothing has entirely escaped her.\u00a0 Is there any way to clean up this mess?<\/p>\n

\u2014Sometimes You Get the Worst of It<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jamilah Lemieux
\n I Just Discovered Something Very Troubling in an Unclosed Incognito Window on My Son\u2019s Computer. Oh no.
\n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    There\u2019s Something Very Off About the Way My Younger Colleagues Speak to Me. I Can\u2019t Take It Anymore.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    My Brother-in-Law Had a Tantrum Because I Wouldn\u2019t Splurge on Deep Sea Fishing
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    I\u2019m on a Leave of Absence from Work for a Very Personal Reason. I Think My Company is About to Use it Against Me.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Sister Made Fun of My Weight for Years. Well, You\u2019d Think She\u2019d Learned Her Lesson.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Dear Sometimes,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Is this part of a pattern of behavior? Your wife flew completely off the handle over something small and resorted to physical violence. It sounds like she could benefit from some anger management classes and\/or therapy. Let her know that you are concerned by her willingness to turn violent over a very trivial infraction and that you think she should get some help; if there are other examples of this behavior, gently point them out. As far as her vendetta with your sister goes, remind her that she started the fight and could be arrested herself as a result. Explain that your sister would have not ever touched her were she not defending herself and that she is the one who has the right to be reconsidering the relationship. Be clear with her that you and your child will continue to see your sister, as she is in no way responsible for what transpired. Apologize profusely to Bree and let her know that you are going to encourage your wife to seek help with her issues\u2013and mean it.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Jamilah<\/p>\n

    More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My younger sister has made a lot of choices in the last few years that my family has struggled with. After shocking us with a divorce, she\u2019s now engaged to a man twice her age who\u2019s in prison for an inappropriate relationship with a previous student (also half his age). My sister met him at church before he went to prison, and says that he\u2019s turned his life around and is heartbroken for his past transgressions. They plan to marry this fall. The entire situation has been tough for our family, but I\u2019ve worked hard to support her and love her through everything, even though she knows I don\u2019t necessarily agree with her decisions. The issue is how to handle this when her fianc\u00e9 gets out of prison, and they get married. My husband and I live across the country and only come home a few times a year, but we have a young daughter, and I\u2019m not comfortable with her being around a registered sex offender.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":148772,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[600,246,251,159,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-148771","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-kids","11":"tag-science","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115034798428554050","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148771","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=148771"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148771\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/148772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=148771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=148771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=148771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}