First-time author Rob Tonkin doesn\u2019t sing or play any musical instruments. But he made an outsized and lasting impact on the San Diego and Tijuana music scenes when he lived here between 1982 and 1989. It\u2019s a period vividly chronicled in his new book, \u201cAsshole \u2014 A Memoir: Wild Stories of Trauma, Truths, and Transformation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBeing there was very important for me; it was like getting a college education without going to college,\u201d said Tonkin, who will promote his book Saturday at the KPBS San Diego Book Festival at the University of San Diego.\u00a0\u201cI was in San Diego during the same time period I would have been if I had been going to school. And I had such great opportunities there, especially for a young person.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tonkin moved here in 1982 from Sacramento, where he had fared well on the air at three different radio stations.\u00a0 After a brief stint as a weekend DJ at San Diego\u2019s XETRA-FM The Mighty 690, he became the station\u2019s promotions director. Tonkin simultaneously headed his own company, Party Sounds, which provided DJs for weddings, parties and other corporate events. He was 20 at the time.<\/p>\n
In 1984, Tonkin became the promotions directors at another San Diego radio station, 91X, then skyrocketing with its new \u201cRock of the \u201980s\u201d format. He was 24 when he bought his first home in Pacific Beach for $187,500. Yet, for almost every triumph he achieved, there were setbacks, self-doubt and emotional pain. All are recurring themes in his memoir, available in bookstores and at robtonkin.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u201cAs somebody who\u2019d never written a book, I almost feel like am imposter calling myself an author,\u201d he said, speaking from his Topanga Canyon home. \u201cI wrote about the things that happened in my life and it was absolutely cathartic for me.\u201d<\/p>\n Tonkin was instrumental in organizing and staging 91X\u2019s MeXfest, which drew drew 27,000 attendees to Tijuana\u2019s Caliente racetrack in 1987. The lineup included Oingo Boingo, The Bangles, Squeeze, Chris Isaak and several more.<\/p>\n The festival\u2019s success helped elevate Tonkin\u2019s profile. He become a co-owner of the Bacchanal, one of San Diego\u2019s most popular live-music clubs, and an operating partner in Noble Tonkin Enterprises, Inc., which teamed him with 91X owner Robert Noble.<\/p>\n In May 1989, the company opened Iguanas \u2014 billed as \u201cTijuana\u2019s largest showcase theater for live music\u201d \u2014 with a sold-out concert by Jane\u2019s Addiction. The three-level, 18-and-up venue was located near the U.S. border in Tijuana\u2019s Pueblo Amigo shopping center. It soon became a favorite for audiences and performers alike, including everyone from Nirvana and Red Hot Chili Peppers to Green Day and Soundgarden.<\/p>\n Tonkin should have been on top of the world. Instead, increasingly alarmed by the very shady business dealings of his business partners, he exited after less than a month \u2014 and washed his hands of both Iguanas and the Bacchanal.<\/p>\n \u201cMy dream of being a millionaire was just a mirage,\u201d he writes in his book. \u201cI wanted out.\u201d<\/p>\n Tonkin moved to Los Angeles. He became the head of artist relations for Westwood One and soon was negotiating major broadcast deals with U2, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. After several other jobs, he launched his own company, Marketing Factory, Inc., in 1999. He was its chief creative officer until 2019, when he retired.<\/p>\n He started therapy in his late 20s while he was still living in San Diego. Soon after his retirement six years ago, Tonkin gave up alcohol and drugs, started doing yoga and surfing, and dove much deeper into therapy.<\/p>\n For all his successes, he was not happy or fulfilled. The wounds of the intense neglect Tonkin suffered growing up in an irreparably broken home had not healed. Neither had the trauma he suffered in his teens after being sexually abused in two separate instances by two older men at two different radio stations where he worked. Tonkin\u2019s book is an outgrowth of the journals he wrote as part of his therapy.<\/p>\n Each of the 52 chapters in the 409-page memoir is named after a song. The book\u2019s partly self-referential title is not meant to shock.<\/p>\n \u201cMy sexual abusers were absolutely a\u2013holes. So were many of the people I met in the entertainment industry, and I caught some of those traits myself,\u201d Tonkin said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I wrote this book, I felt I needed to come clean about every aspect of my life. I\u2019ve learned the more vulnerable I am, the stronger I become. I hope my book might help other people who have been traumatized.\u201d<\/p>\n KPBS San Diego Book Festival, Presented by University of San Diego<\/p>\n