{"id":157572,"date":"2025-08-19T05:07:09","date_gmt":"2025-08-19T05:07:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/157572\/"},"modified":"2025-08-19T05:07:09","modified_gmt":"2025-08-19T05:07:09","slug":"neighbor-denigrates-chicago-chicago-tribune","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/157572\/","title":{"rendered":"Neighbor denigrates Chicago \u2013 Chicago Tribune"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Eric:<\/strong> We are a group of three female former co-workers who have gathered regularly for 10 years to celebrate birthdays and Christmas.\u00a0We have taken turns at each other\u2019s homes and always had\u00a0a nice time eating,\u00a0laughing and reminiscing\u00a0together.<\/p>\n

This year, one member of our group ghosted the other two of us. She will not respond to phone calls or messages. We are totally in the dark and confused by this and don\u2019t know if we should continue to reach out or let it go.<\/p>\n

She has given us no indication, at any time, of a problem. She recently became a grandma and didn\u2019t invite us to the baby shower.<\/p>\n

My feeling is to let it go and hope she is OK. What do you think we should do?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Heartbroken<\/p>\n

Dear Heartbroken:<\/strong> This abrupt shift is concerning. If you know someone else who knows her, even casually, you should reach out to them just to confirm that she\u2019s physically safe. You don\u2019t have to get into the details of your friendship, but something as simple as \u201cI haven\u2019t heard from her in a bit, do you know if everything is OK?\u201d could put your mind partially at ease.<\/p>\n

Since you know about the new grandchild, it\u2019s likely you already know that she\u2019s fine, just not responding. But if you have a doubt, reach out. It may not prompt her to re-establish contact with you but could affirm that she has a good social safety net, should she need it.<\/p>\n

Now, it\u2019s possible, though unfortunate, that she may have outgrown the friendship, or something may have shifted in her feelings, and you and the other friend may not have noticed. This can make you feel powerless, in addition to hurt. One way to take some of that power back is to perform a ritual of closure for your friendship. Don\u2019t worry, this sounds fancier than it is.<\/p>\n

Right now, there\u2019s just a sharp drop-off where your friendship used to be. That\u2019s going to feel like a wound that doesn\u2019t heal. Write her a letter in which you thank her for the times you spent together and the gift of friendship she gave you and wish her well. You may not even want or need to send it. This is a letter for you, as well. We may not always get to tell those we love \u201cgoodbye and thank you,\u201d but that doesn\u2019t stop us from saying it. And in speaking it, it becomes real.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I\u2019m a right above-knee amputee. I became an amputee two years ago due to an escalated argument with my mother who stabbed me seven times while I was knocked unconscious with a bat. She was given 12 years. She\u2019ll do six and a half.<\/p>\n

She is also my neighbor. Should I move? But also, why should I move? I bought this property as a teenager. I\u2019ve worked all my life. Why should I give up a home I have poured blood sweat and tears into? Is it worth the trauma to stay?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Want to Stay Home<\/p>\n

Dear Home:<\/strong> You shouldn\u2019t have to move. And it sounds like you have a number of years to figure out how to make your home a safe space. Talk to the local authorities and perhaps the DA that handled your case about your options for a restraining order or other protections.<\/p>\n

However, this isn\u2019t just about property or physical safety. Even with her incarcerated, this neighborhood is a site of violence for you and so it\u2019s likely that the trauma is going to keep being perpetuated if you don\u2019t address it. You\u2019ve suffered a huge loss, and a therapist or support group can help you process that. Tending to your emotional well-being will better set you up to make a healthy choice when she returns.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> Recently I was chatting with a new neighbor and said that I had lived in Chicago for a number of years prior to moving to my current city. This new neighbor looked at me and said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d When I said, \u201csorry about what,\u201d he turned and walked away. Can you shed some light on this?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Former Chicagoan<\/p>\n

Dear Chicagoan:<\/strong> As someone who loves Chicago whenever I visit, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any light to shed here, alas. People who feel the need to denigrate entire cities need to work on their conversational skills. Maybe get a hobby. It shows a real lack of understanding about how large the world is. It\u2019s silly to write off an entire city. It\u2019s silly to write off an entire block. If you don\u2019t want to live someplace, that\u2019s perfectly fine. But to say no one should live there or it\u2019s beyond saving? Wow, I can\u2019t imagine being so unimaginative.<\/p>\n

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at\u00a0eric@askingeric.com<\/a>\u00a0or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on\u00a0Instagram<\/a>\u00a0and sign up for his weekly newsletter at\u00a0rericthomas.com<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

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