{"id":172227,"date":"2025-08-24T17:26:09","date_gmt":"2025-08-24T17:26:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/172227\/"},"modified":"2025-08-24T17:26:09","modified_gmt":"2025-08-24T17:26:09","slug":"my-husband-surprised-me-with-an-x-rated-gift-now-i-want-revenge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/172227\/","title":{"rendered":"My husband surprised me with an x-rated gift. Now I want revenge."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband (we\u2019re both men) brought home a guy for a threesome without telling me, saying he wanted it to be a \u201csurprise.\u201d It was. The guy happened to be incredibly hot, so I went along with it anyway, but I think him springing this on me without consulting me first was pretty thoughtless.\u00a0Should I try pulling the same trick on him and see how he likes it?<\/p>\n

\u2014What Goes Around\u2026<\/p>\n

Dear What Goes Around\u2026,<\/strong><\/p>\n

You\u2019re asking if you should punish your husband for what? Bringing a hot guy home? Please. I agree with you that he should have asked you first, but he didn\u2019t and you tacitly forgave that by having sex. If the experience was nevertheless unenjoyable or even if the shock of the proposition outshined the actual sex, a conversation is in order. Just ask him to talk about it with you first, explaining that this is not the type of surprise that you find fun.<\/p>\n

But if the sex was really good and you\u2019re miffed purely on principle, I\u2019m going to urge you to try to center yourself in the realm of the practical. You could look at this as a new era in your relationship: your thirds era. Your husband\u2019s method was a bit sloppy but you had fun anyway, and now there is more of that kind of fun that you can have. By all means, you have been given an implicit pass to do the same (at least once), and you should if you are so inspired and can remain in the original sharing spirit. But doing the same thing to him for sheer retaliation is escalating; he was \u201cthoughtless\u201d in your assessment. Don\u2019t see and raise him with calculating and punitive. Keep sex fun and share a guy because it\u2019s a hot thing to do, not to settle a score. Not only is that adding negativity where it doesn\u2019t belong, it\u2019d be treating the third as a pawn, not a person.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a single, straight male who just turned 60. I\u2019ve never really had much of a sex life outside of masturbation. I\u2019m not a bad looking guy, as I\u2019ve been told, but have never had much confidence in myself. The limited sexual encounters I\u2019ve had have been mainly with escorts (that, however, is a topic for another day.) My question deals with ejaculation. Over the last several years, I\u2019ve noticed a marked decrease in ejaculate strength and volume. When I orgasm, the result is often a dribble, and generally one shot. I masturbate 3-5 times a week on average. What I\u2019d like to know is, is this normal for my age? If not, is there something that I can do to get a little more umph in my game?<\/p>\n

\u2014I Want More<\/p>\n

Dear I Want More,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your suspicion is likely correct: Your ejaculatory underwhelm may indeed be a product of age. From urologist Aaron Spitz\u2019s The Penis Book<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

As men pass the threshold of middle age, their pelvic floor muscles become weaker and less semen is ejaculated with less force\u2014even down to none at all. Also, the seminal vesicles tend to empty less completely and may become partially blocked by the prostate gland as it enlarges. These are normal consequences of getting older.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

To put an even finer point on this, a 2007 analysis<\/a> of more than 6,000 semen samples found that on average, the peak semen volume came from subjects between 30 and 35 in age, and the lowest volumes came from subjects who were ages 55 and up. Spitz adds that other factors that may play a role in semen volume include hormone balance, hydration, overall health, level of arousal and the strength of one\u2019s pelvic floor.<\/p>\n

This may be entirely out of your control, but you may want to consider exercising your pelvic floor (or doing kegel exercises, as they\u2019re called). This typically involves squeezing your pelvic floor muscles repeatedly for periods of time. You can locate the muscle by stopping your flow of urine\u2014working your kegels basically amounts to doing that same thing over and over. There are various online guides for these exercises\u2014I use the Stamena app<\/a>. Another thing to consider is the usefulness of abstinence. A study<\/a> of 27 men followed for 16 months found that semen volume increased 11.9 percent per abstained day for the first four days of abstinence and 7.1 percent thereafter. Try taking a few days off and see if that boosts your balls.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t recommend any kind of supplements that purport to increase semen volume. Any kind of reported success from them is anecdotal and generally on a person-to-person basis (I\u2019ve tried some for the sake of answering these very questions and saw no difference). \u201cI know there are some supplements and despite a friend being one of the \u2018founders\u2019 of one of these I would not say they actually do anything,\u201d Charles Welliver, director of men\u2019s health at Albany Medical College and my go-to urology source, wrote to me in an email regarding your letter. Something else you might want to look into: Medications (including urologic ones) may cause lower semen volume so if you had any changes recently in your regimen, that may be the culprit. Otherwise, \u201cThis isn\u2019t something you need to see a doctor about. There isn\u2019t much you can do,\u201d wrote Welliver.<\/p>\n

You should also pause to consider why this matters to you. Maybe it\u2019s a way of providing to yourself that your body isn\u2019t as old as the years suggest, or maybe you just like to think to yourself, \u201cLook what I made!,\u201d while gazing at the giant puddle of sperm you just produced. But since your play is largely solo, you\u2019re the only one who\u2019s judging. It\u2019s great to strive for more than what you already are and can do, but self-acceptance is key for happiness. If you can\u2019t boost your volume, find a way to be OK with that. Even if they aren\u2019t big, your loads are still yours.<\/p>\n

Send Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am having an issue that while not the biggest problem in the world, is still something I would rather not deal with.\u00a0 My wife and I have been together for seven years, married for four.\u00a0Within the last year and a half, if we don\u2019t have sex the previous night, I wake up with morning wood. I\u2019ve tried jerking off when my wife doesn\u2019t want to have sex, but it doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0If I don\u2019t get laid or at least a blow job, I will be guaranteed to be standing at attention come morning.\u00a0 Any suggestions?<\/p>\n

\u2014The Sun Isn\u2019t the Only Thing Rising<\/p>\n

Dear The Sun Isn\u2019t the Only Thing Rising,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    My Sister Squandered Her Entire Inheritance. Now She\u2019s Chipping Away at Mine.
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  2. \n
    \n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

    Help! My Husband of 30 Years Just Destroyed Our Marriage With a Single Horrific Word.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    My Husband Cheated With My Friend. It Made Our Sex Life Better Than Ever.
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  4. \n <\/p>\n

    My Mom Is Offering Me a Free Place to Stay for College. But There\u2019s a Big Catch.
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    Two thoughts on what\u2019s going on here: Your reporting is imprecise (no shade, you aren\u2019t a one-man scientist\/subject and no one except me is truly concerned about your data), or this has something to do with hormones. Anecdotally, at least one person<\/a> reports a more likelihood to get morning wood if he has had sex the night before. Regardless, a person like you and a person like him are both likely getting multiple erections a night. The exact reasons for nocturnal penile tumescence, as it\u2019s officially referred to, aren\u2019t known, but it may have something to do with the bladder\u2014perhaps as an alert of its fullness or because a full bladder stimulates nerves<\/a> that end up causing these spontaneous erections.<\/p>\n

    Morning erections can be a sign of penile\/overall health. They are something a lot of guys deal with, mostly by walking them off or peeing upon waking. If your wood is persistent, jerk off or ask your wife if she\u2019s down for a morning bone. Morning wood can be annoying, but its absence can indicate something worse. \u201cMorning and overnight erections are normal! They are good for penile health, bringing in nourishing and oxygenated blood,\u201d wrote Welliver, the urologist I quoted elsewhere in this column. Embrace your morning wood\u2014however you see fit.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I\u2019m a 52-year-old male who looks 42. I\u2019m healthy, fairly handsome, very intelligent, successful, musically talented, generous, and have a great sense of humor. But, I have the absolute most difficult time engaging any type of sex that involves my penis because it\u2019s smaller than average, and noticeably so. It\u2019s been over a decade since I\u2019ve had sex, been on a date, or even had a kiss, because at this point, I have so little self-confidence that I haven\u2019t even attempted to ask a woman out. The penis size issue is a mental block for me. How do I move beyond this?<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Stoya and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":172228,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-172227","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-united-states","12":"tag-unitedstates","13":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115084917806858522","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=172227"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172227\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/172228"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=172227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=172227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=172227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}