Dr. Ken Dellefield, a Clinical Psychologist who works with older adults, explained the title of his presentation to the Coronado Optimist Club: \u201cYour Complete Guide to Complaining.\u201d<\/p>\n
The definition of complaining is to find fault. He said that complaining is understandable and common and that it helps us recognize when someone is discontent. Sometimes, complaining is helpful and necessary \u2014 to protect your rights or to receive more effective services. But be careful \u2014 complaining can be contagious.<\/p>\n
Dr. Dellefield added that it is important for us to understand the state of mind of the person complaining. Depression can cause people to become chronic complainers. People often complain when they are feeling angry, frustrated, or fearful. They may not even recognize or articulate these feelings, but their reactions to those feelings are to complain.<\/p>\n
Complaining is an attempt at getting our needs met \u2014 it\u2019s an attempt at \u201cwinning\u201d when we may feel like we are \u201closing.\u201d People who complain often have problems adjusting to external circumstances beyond their control.\u00a0<\/p>\n
There are several ways to analyze complaining:<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the intent of feelings<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the method of complaint<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the content<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the duration<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the frequency<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is the purpose of complaining<\/p>\n
Complaining provokes an emotional reaction. When dealing with someone who complains, take a deep breath and restrain yourself. Be supportive of the underlying reason for the complaint. Share the expectations of others and offer options. Don\u2019t complain about the complainer.\u00a0<\/p>\n
So \u2014 how do we age graciously and not become chronic complainers who others avoid? Here are some words of wisdom from older adults:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Worrying is a waste of time<\/p>\n
\u2022 Know what is really important to you<\/p>\n
\u2022 People are more important than things<\/p>\n
\u2022 Lower your expectations<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be in the moment<\/p>\n
\u2022 Let go of self-hate and self-doubt<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t care about what others think<\/p>\n
\u2022 Forgive and move on<\/p>\n
\u2022 Learn to cope with adversity<\/p>\n
\u2022 Develop a good sense of humor<\/p>\n
Attitude is the most important thing. We have a choice every day of what attitude we will have \u2014 make it positive. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.<\/p>\n
VOL. 115, NO. 34 – Aug. 20, 2025<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dr. Ken Dellefield, a Clinical Psychologist who works with older adults, explained the title of his presentation to…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":76566,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5134],"tags":[5229,1582,276,51350,3549,7264,67,586,132,5230,68,2969],"class_list":{"0":"post-193392","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-san-diego","8":"tag-america","9":"tag-ca","10":"tag-california","11":"tag-coronado_island_news","12":"tag-san-diego","13":"tag-sandiego","14":"tag-united-states","15":"tag-united-states-of-america","16":"tag-unitedstates","17":"tag-unitedstatesofamerica","18":"tag-us","19":"tag-usa"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115133204675571685","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=193392"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193392\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/76566"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=193392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=193392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=193392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}