{"id":195058,"date":"2025-09-02T21:04:09","date_gmt":"2025-09-02T21:04:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/195058\/"},"modified":"2025-09-02T21:04:09","modified_gmt":"2025-09-02T21:04:09","slug":"my-husband-and-i-are-at-an-impasse-about-sharing-one-vehicle-his-solution-has-totally-not-worked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/195058\/","title":{"rendered":"My husband and I are at an impasse about sharing one vehicle. His “solution” has totally not worked."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? <\/strong>Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/strong><\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/strong><\/p>\n

The whole time we\u2019ve been together, my husband and I have only owned one car. We used to live in a pretty walkable area and work at the same place or work from home, so sharing a car was never a problem. When we moved to a new town three years ago, that changed.<\/p>\n

Now I have a 40-minute commute, and my husband has to do field visits for work a few times a week. The thing is, when we moved, my husband decided to finally buy a motorcycle. He has become quite an enthusiast in the last few year, and he has no problem riding the motorcycle for hours for fun or to meet up with friends. But when he has to do a field visit for work, he insists he needs the car. He says it\u2019s always too hot or cold or rainy or late or he doesn\u2019t feel like packing his gear into the bags or whatever.<\/p>\n

Plus, he chooses the schedule for his site visits and they often inconvenience me in some way, like he wants to drop me off at work an hour early or have me Uber somewhere and then wait to meet him after work. I find it really frustrating because my work schedule and commute is always the same. The last thing I want to do is extend my already long and inconvenient day or change my plans when he could have planned better.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s maddening to me that my husband spent so much money on what has amounted to just a pleasure vehicle that he doesn\u2019t intend to use for work at all. We could have bought a second used car outright, but now we can\u2019t afford it\u2014of course his motorcycle isn\u2019t worth what we paid it for and there\u2019s no recouping the cost of all the gear. Do you think I\u2019m justified in just saying no more often? That he can just suck it up and ride his bike instead of putting me out? We share finances and the car belongs to both of us technically, but because he made the choice to buy a motorcycle, and I drive the car eight hours a week, I do tend to think of the car as mine.<\/p>\n

\u2014Wouldn\u2019t Be a Problem If We Had Trains<\/p>\n

Dear Wouldn\u2019t Be,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hear you: The scheduling stuff is maddening. Spending money that could have solved your shared transportation problem on a vehicle he won\u2019t regularly use for work should have required your input. This wasn\u2019t \u201chis\u201d money\u2014it was household money that directly impacts your daily life. Now he gets his expensive toy AND priority car access while you handle early drop-offs, Uber fees, and constant schedule juggling?<\/p>\n

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    This pattern\u2014him choosing to make his life easier and more fun, you adapting to that\u2014is unsustainable and it\u2019s unfair. So, start saying no. When his work trips inconvenience you, respond: \u201cThat doesn\u2019t work for me. Take the motorcycle or reschedule.\u201d Don\u2019t negotiate or problem-solve for him. He created this situation; he can handle riding in less-than-perfect weather like millions of other motorcyclists.<\/p>\n

    Beyond this one issue, though, I wonder if his unilateral decision-making goes beyond choosing to invest significant household resources into something only he uses. If so, you\u2019ll want to start a bigger conversation about joint financial decision-making. Major purchases affecting shared resources aren\u2019t unilateral choices in supportive households.<\/p>\n

    At the end of the day, the real issue you\u2019re facing isn\u2019t transportation logistics\u2014it\u2019s a lack of respect and partnership. While I appreciate that some of the money was spent in pursuit of fun, choosing a motorcycle eliminated the practical second-car option, creating ongoing problems for both of you. I\u2019m not sure he spent a nanosecond thinking how this would affect you.<\/p>\n

    A considerate spouse doesn\u2019t spend money that could solve shared problems on personal entertainment, then expect their partner to manage the resulting chaos. He made adult choices about scheduling and spending; he should be able to handle the adult consequences.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Ilyce<\/p>\n

    More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I am a single mom to a 4-year-old boy, and while we aren\u2019t exactly struggling, finances are always pretty tight. We live in a city with a very high cost of living, and rent especially eats up a lot of my salary. My grandfather, who is quite well-off, has helped me out with preschool tuition payments once or twice when I\u2019ve been in a pinch. He has no other grandchildren other than my older brother and me and has been struggling with health problems for several years. He always made it clear that when he died, everything would be split equally, including his brownstone.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":195059,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[600,64,255,1087,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-195058","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-personal-finance","11":"tag-relationships","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115136735719179493","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195058","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=195058"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195058\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/195059"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=195058"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=195058"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=195058"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}