{"id":215396,"date":"2025-09-10T11:45:09","date_gmt":"2025-09-10T11:45:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/215396\/"},"modified":"2025-09-10T11:45:09","modified_gmt":"2025-09-10T11:45:09","slug":"hey-alabama-and-auburn-cupcakes-should-be-stripped-from-the-menu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/215396\/","title":{"rendered":"Hey, Alabama and Auburn: Cupcakes should be stripped from the menu"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is an opinion column. <\/b>Get my weekly newsletter, The Barbershop. <\/b>Sign up here for free!<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t like \u2018em. Never did. Oh, I understand \u2018em. I know why they exist, why they\u2019re lifeblood to some. Still don\u2019t like them.<\/p>\n

Hate \u2018em now, in fact \u2014 in college sports\u2019 new, pay-for-play eco-system.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m talking about pay-to-play college football games. Pay-to-pound, actually. Pay-to-pulverize.<\/p>\n

Or paid and pitiful. Pitiable, really.<\/p>\n

Games against cupcakes \u2014 powder-conference teams paid millions by their Power Four brethren to be an elixir for all that ails. To be fodder for the foundering. A way station on the way to a place no powder team will ever know: the playoffs<\/p>\n

Pause: Nothing I say here is meant to disparage the overmatched teams or, especially, the young men who play for them. They practice just as many hours and compete as hard \u2014 sometimes harder \u2014 as the young men on P4 rosters. Their hearts are just as willing. They\u2019re just nowhere as big and strong and talented.<\/p>\n

And yet the leaders at their institutions toss them out there to get the crap beat out of them \u2014 in exchange for a few bucks. Crucial bucks that keep an athletic department afloat or at least dogpaddling to fund an array of other sports in compliance with Title IX.<\/p>\n

Late last Saturday night, the Louisiana Monroe Warhawks crawled out of Bryant-Denny, defeathered 73-0 by an Alabama team in dire need of a blood-sugar boost and nearly $2 million richer.<\/p>\n

Budgeted expenses for ULM athletics in fiscal 2025-26 are $22 million, reports Louisiana TV station KNOE in Monroe<\/a>. Of that, appearances as cupcake fodder at Alabama and this Saturday at Northwestern \u2014 the station politely calls them \u201cmoney games\u201d \u2014 will generate $3.7 million, the station reports, or almost 17% of the institution\u2019s projected expenditures.<\/p>\n

That just might keep the school\u2019s men\u2019s golf, and women\u2019s volleyball and soccer teams up and running (or swinging). So, on paper, the games are necessary, the aforementioned lifeblood for ULM and similar schools that gladly send their young men out as David without a slingshot to sustain their programs.<\/p>\n

And yet the cost?<\/p>\n

After the game, I reached out to a friend with grandsons playing for ULM. He was glad the Warhawks escaped without any major injuries but described the experience as \u201cbrutal and humiliating.\u201d<\/p>\n

The cost.<\/p>\n

Cupcakes always get eaten. (Or almost always; I\u2019m fully aware of 2007<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve picked on the Tide thus far, but Auburn deserves some of this, too. They paid Ball State, another FBS school, $1.3 million<\/a> to get bowled over 42-3 last Saturday at Jordan-Hare. Auburn is 2-0 in a season they hope will keep Hugh Freeze off the links well into January.<\/p>\n

Really, though, they\u2019re 1.5-0. That shouldn\u2019t even count as a whole W, just as Alabama did little more than run a four-quarter scrimmage in real-time.<\/p>\n

Ty Simpson was on the numbers, saying the win \u201cmeans nothing<\/a>.\u201d <\/p>\n

Alabama, Auburn and schools nationwide that partake in this practice generally prove nothing \u2014 it\u2019s an off week in an era where young men are being compensated (rightfully so) to compete, not cruise against cupcakes.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, the practice is waning. The SEC is moving to nine conference games next season rather than eight and will require teams to play at least one non-conference Power 4 team. That still leaves only two weeks for sweeteners, which is two too many.<\/p>\n

Shamelessly, 88,043 people ventured to Auburn, while 100,077 squeezed into Bryant-Denny last weekend to watch lions devour puppies. And cheer for the lions.<\/p>\n

The blinding sheen of naivety has been ripped from college sports. We all now know it is pure moneyball \u2014 without regulations.<\/p>\n

If teams with the phattest bags must share their wealth with those who need cash to stay in the game, at least call the pointless games what they are: Charity.<\/p>\n

Make them free and donate the preponderance of tickets to school children and their families, folks who may live close enough to the stadiums to hear the roars each Saturday but will likely never otherwise be able to attend a game.<\/p>\n

Then cover their eyes.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s be better tomorrow than we are today. Way better, I pray. My column appears on AL.com<\/a>, and digital editions of The Birmingham News, Huntsville Times, and Mobile Press-Register. Tell me what you think at rjohnson@al.com<\/a>, and follow me at twitter.com\/roysj<\/a>, Instagram @roysj<\/a> and BlueSky<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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