{"id":237197,"date":"2025-09-18T20:35:22","date_gmt":"2025-09-18T20:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/237197\/"},"modified":"2025-09-18T20:35:22","modified_gmt":"2025-09-18T20:35:22","slug":"my-mother-wants-to-dictate-who-can-be-in-our-home-when-she-visits-this-is-too-rude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/237197\/","title":{"rendered":"My mother wants to dictate who can be in our home when she visits. This is too rude."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/strong><\/p>\n

My sister \u201cCharlotte\u201d is getting married soon, and the wedding is in the city where I live. Our parents want to stay with Aiden and me\u2014and my mom has a shocking stipulation about where Aiden should sleep.<\/p>\n

My mother insists that Aiden can stay with friends or at a motel! The reason? They want to visit with their dogs, and Aiden is severely allergic to dogs and cats.<\/p>\n

Even if I were willing to entertain this idea (which I am not), the entire house would have to be cleaned after the dogs left, and even then there would be no guarantee that Aiden\u2019s allergies wouldn\u2019t be triggered. It\u2019s not a risk I\u2019m willing to expose him to. My mother has never been fond of my husband \u201cAiden,\u201d but this request is beyond.<\/p>\n

When I explained to my parents that they needed to make other arrangements, they threatened not to come to Charlotte\u2019s wedding at all. Now my sister has joined my parents in insisting that Aiden stay elsewhere (she and her fiance have even offered to let him stay at their place), adding that her wedding will be ruined if our parents aren\u2019t there and it will be my fault. This is all so upsetting that I\u2019m considering not attending the wedding. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014Not a Hotel<\/p>\n

Dear Not a Hotel,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course your parents should be at your sister\u2019s wedding. But it is up to them\u2014not you!\u2014to figure out what to do with their dogs.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! I\u2019m Breaking an Annual Family Tradition. My Reason Why Is Bound to Stir Up Drama.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    I Caught My Direct Report Stealing. It Didn\u2019t Lead to the Outcome I Thought It Would.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Boyfriend and I Did a \u201cTrial Run\u201d for Marriage. It\u2019s Gone Horribly Off the Rails.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    My Boss Is a Wealthy Man. Some of His Working Habits Make Me Very Uncomfortable.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    As someone with a sensitive dog who can\u2019t really be boarded, I sympathize with the hassle (to a point). There are plenty of good pet sitters out there\u2014your parents can search for reputable local pet sitting businesses, ask their friends for recommendations, or try Rover.com. Pet-friendly hotels and Airbnbs also exist. And if your sister and her fiance were willing to let your husband stay at their place, they should also be willing to host your parents, if need be.<\/p>\n

    Your family should be able to understand that you don\u2019t want to see your husband displaced from his home, only to return and possibly have a serious allergic reaction to lingering pet dander. I think you\u2019ve already done about all you can to explain this to them. Let them know that as far as you\u2019re concerned, the conversation is over; if they try to pull you back into it, don\u2019t engage. Your parents\u2019 dogs are not your responsibility.<\/p>\n

    As for whether to attend your sister\u2019s wedding, only you can make that call. If you don\u2019t go, it could lead to a larger and more lasting rift in the family, which they might also blame you for. But they\u2019re already blaming you for the current drama\u2014and you mentioned that your mother has never liked your husband\u2014so maybe those are consequences you can live with.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Nicole<\/p>\n

    More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My husband and I frequently disagree about treating our daughter\u2019s various childhood ailments. He immediately rushes to our pediatrician for antibiotics and sees nothing wrong with daily over-the-counter allergy medicine as a preventative, even when she\u2019s not symptomatic. I tend towards a wait-and-see approach with minimal medical intervention. While I am not into the essential oil craze of my peers, I prefer healthy foods, saline nose sprays, teas, and other methods of easing common ear\/nose\/throat symptoms, with a doctor called in only for severe or prolonged symptoms. The kicker is that my husband is the stay-at-home parent and usually makes the medical decisions. I would prefer our daughter not become antibiotic-resistant because of overuse. How can we resolve our different approaches to our child\u2019s health?<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":237198,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,246,210,251,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-237197","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-kids","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115227218898622719","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=237197"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237197\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/237198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=237197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=237197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=237197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}