{"id":241934,"date":"2025-09-20T17:28:09","date_gmt":"2025-09-20T17:28:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/241934\/"},"modified":"2025-09-20T17:28:09","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T17:28:09","slug":"my-wife-recently-started-making-more-money-it-was-awesome-until-i-found-out-how","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/241934\/","title":{"rendered":"My wife recently started making more money. It was awesome\u2014until I found out how."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Six months ago, my wife told me she got a promotion at work.\u00a0Our family has been enjoying the extra financial security and I thought life was pretty rosy. Then I found out how she\u2019s actually been making more money.<\/p>\n

In reality, she\u2019s been making customized porn videos through an OnlyFans account.\u00a0I feel like she\u2019s been cheating on me. My wife says it\u2019s just a job and that I\u2019m being stupid and possessive.\u00a0Is it so wrong of me not to want strangers getting off to the woman I\u2019m married to and the mother of my kids?<\/p>\n

\u2014OnlyFans Outrage<\/p>\n

Dear OnlyFans Outrage,<\/strong><\/p>\n

You boil this down to not wanting strangers getting off to your wife, but there\u2019s more to this situation than just that. First, there is the fact that she lied about the source of her income boost. Then, there is the question of her responsibility to you\/your arrangement (which sounds monogamous). And then there\u2019s the fact of others getting to partake in that which you believe you have the sole claim.<\/p>\n

So I believe the situation is more fraught than your ultimate question suggests. Your wife may have had her reasons for lying about her \u201cpromotion,\u201d but it ultimately cast a cloud over the situation. She did it wrong. I don\u2019t know why she thought that she could do something as public as OnlyFans, lie about it, and not get caught, but \u2026 she got caught. And it only took a few months. Big mistake. But she\u2019s still your wife, and if she\u2019s going to continue to be so, it\u2019s a mistake that warrants forgiving. You should talk to her about why she felt the need to hide this information. The reasons may have nothing to do with you or they may reflect certain feelings she has about your social and\/or sexual dynamic. It could be a fertile area of exploration and learning\u2014a great thing to come from a not-great situation.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    My Son\u2019s Teacher Is Way Out of Line With Her Class Policy. I\u2019m Ready to Tell Her Off.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    I\u2019m Happily Married. But I Can\u2019t Deny What Happens Every Time I See My College Roommate.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n
    \n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

    My Mom Has Made a Ridiculous Request About an Upcoming Visit. It Involves My Husband\u2019s Sleeping Arrangements.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    I Caught My Direct Report Stealing. It Didn\u2019t Lead to the Outcome I Thought It Would.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Does what she\u2019s doing constitute cheating? I can see how you\u2019d feel that way. In a monogamous arrangement, a reasonable expectation would be that your partner is not engaging in sex work of any kind. In order for the situation to remain ethical, the responsibility would be for the interested party to discuss such a vocation with their partner. Your wife did not do that. She may have plausible deniability by claiming that since doing OnlyFans wasn\u2019t explicitly verboten, she\u2019s not doing anything that is actually wrong. This would be very selective reasoning if there were no prior cause to assume she was interested in this kind of work. In relationships, much goes unsaid for the sake of efficiency. You don\u2019t sit your partner down to explain why you think they shouldn\u2019t become a drug mule because you assume they won\u2019t have any interest in doing so. It\u2019s up to them to bring new prospects forward as you aren\u2019t a mind-reader.<\/p>\n

    Is it so wrong that you don\u2019t want strangers to be getting off to your wife? I can see both sides here. It\u2019s your wife\u2019s body to do what she wants with, but you also get to choose what kind of partner you want to be with. In this economy, it might be worth getting used to your wife\u2019s new line of work, if you can devise a set of guidelines that could make it more comfortable (or at least not excruciating) for you. But with work in porn can come negative effects like ostracization and strangers feeling a sense of ownership over the body they have consumed with their eyes and thoughts. It\u2019s reasonable for you to have trepidation. It is unreasonable of your wife to get involved in this business without discussing it with you. You should at least determine what you will do if she refuses to give up her OnlyFans. Can you find a way to hang in there?<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I recently underwent an IVF cycle after an infertility diagnosis. It was a horrible experience: The daily injections made me nauseous and extremely swollen, I had to wake up at 6 a.m. to do transvaginal sonograms and blood tests every morning before going to work for two weeks, and the surgery left me in so much pain that I still have difficulty sitting and standing. I have sacrificed so much, and, because of the medicine and surgery, I also cannot have sex for over a month. My problem is that, for the last five days, ever since I came home from surgery, my husband has watched porn for 2-to-3 hours at a time every night. I am so hurt and so angry about this. It feels like he\u2019s rubbing this in my face, and it makes me feel so sad and worthless. What should I do?<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear How to Do It, Six months ago, my wife told me she got a promotion at work.\u00a0Our…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":241935,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[600,5598,5597,158,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-241934","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-technology","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-sex","10":"tag-slate-plus","11":"tag-technology","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115237808166084676","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/241934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=241934"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/241934\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/241935"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=241934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=241934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=241934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}