{"id":25395,"date":"2025-06-29T20:52:08","date_gmt":"2025-06-29T20:52:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/25395\/"},"modified":"2025-06-29T20:52:08","modified_gmt":"2025-06-29T20:52:08","slug":"something-really-weird-happens-to-my-brain-when-i-orgasm-make-it-stop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/25395\/","title":{"rendered":"Something really weird happens to my brain when I orgasm. Make it stop."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a guy. When I masturbate, and I start to orgasm, suddenly my brain kicks into high gear. I start to think about the quality of the orgasm, reconstructing what I did to make it great or not great, and wondering why I\u2019m thinking about these things. Then I start to think about a problem at work I need to solve, what I\u2019m doing for the weekend, and so on, even while I\u2019m still feeling it. Why does this happen? Does some chemical get released in my brain that supercharges my logical side?<\/p>\n

\u2014In My Head<\/p>\n

Dear In My Head,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Straight up, I cannot tell you for sure what this is. It isn\u2019t widely reported enough to be able to say for certain (and if it were, you probably wouldn\u2019t even have to ask). I will offer a potential explanation below that could lead to action on your part in terms of curbing this, though you should determine for yourself whether or not this is something you want to change. From your description, it doesn\u2019t seem to disturb you too much, so the rest of this question may amount to much ado about nothing. Sometimes our thoughts race, no big deal! But if you\u2019re interested in potentially not going through the post-orgasm, high-gear brain, read on.<\/p>\n

One group that does report a similar-sounding phenomenon is people with OCD<\/a>. Do you think it\u2019s fair to call these thoughts \u201cintrusive?\u201d They certainly seem unwelcome and some (particularly those regarding the orgasm you\u2019re having) may qualify as obsessive. Perhaps you have noticed other times in your life when similar thinking manifests, but even if not, it could be somehow related to OCD.<\/p>\n

OCD is \u201cone of the most misdiagnosed disorders,\u201d according to psychologist Dr. Monnica Williams<\/a>, author of Sexual Obsessions in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Step-by-Step, Definitive Guide to Understanding, Diagnosis, and Treatment<\/a>. \u201cPeople with OCD can get stuck on anything,\u201d Williams told me when I reached her by phone to discuss your question. \u201cIt\u2019s not just germs, not just lining up things on your desk.\u201d The diffuse array of OCD\u2019s presentations can be challenging to clinicians. \u201cWe know from research that we\u2019ve done surveying psychologists and counselors that unless it shows up in these very stereotypical ways, it\u2019s often missed,\u201d she added.<\/p>\n

Williams said that what you describe could be OCD, but again, this is not a diagnosis\u2014it\u2019s a suggestion for future inquiry on your part, should you be interested in taking it up. Williams said that people with OCD generally \u201ctend to focus on things that are most important to them or central to their identity.\u201d If sex is particularly important to a person, \u201cit could certainly happen that the OCD would tend to strike in that area,\u201d said Williams. Certain events can be more triggering than others, so if you\u2019re only experiencing the intrusive thoughts during orgasm, it could still be a sign of OCD. And, if what\u2019s happening is OCD-related, your brain during these moments could indeed qualify as \u201csupercharged,\u201d \u201cin that you can look at a person\u2019s brain with a PET scan and you can see the increased activity in some of the circuits that are responsible for OCD,\u201d explained Williams. \u201cThe brain is in overdrive when a person has OCD. But, I don\u2019t know if I would necessarily correlate that with logic per se,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Identifying whether this is OCD or not is important because if it is, there are clinical methods to treat it\u2014namely exposure and ritual prevention, according to Williams. In the event that Williams had a patient who reported what you did, she would suggest the following treatment: \u201cWhat I might do is say, \u2018OK, when you masturbate afterwards, instead of thinking about the quality of the orgasm, you\u2019re gonna say to yourself: That orgasm was shit\u2014oh, well. And move on. And in that way, you\u2019re doing kind of the opposite of what your pattern had been. And that\u2019s how you break the cycle.\u201d Mindfulness can help facilitate this, as it can help you gain awareness of your thoughts and your ability to change course. Even if you don\u2019t pursue OCD treatment, I suggest you start practicing mindfulness (see this past column<\/a> for some general background). It may make intervening more easy when your mind starts racing.<\/p>\n

If you do at least want to talk to someone regarding OCD, Williams suggests checking with the International OCD Foundation<\/a> to find specialists who are specifically trained in treating OCD (not all clinicians are). Williams is the director of the New England OCD Institute<\/a>, which may be worth checking out as well\u2014the website offers a self-test that you may find useful.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My boyfriend (we\u2019re both men) recently suggested something that has me both excited and apprehensive.\u00a0He said he wanted to try fisting me.\u00a0I\u2019m a bottom, but this doesn\u2019t sound like a good idea. I know women get fisted, but let\u2019s face it\u2014vaginas can handle babies.\u00a0The backdoor wasn\u2019t built for that.\u00a0Is what my boyfriend wants to do safe or possible for a gay couple?<\/p>\n

\u2014That\u2019s a Lot<\/p>\n

Dear That\u2019s a Lot,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, Virginia, there are men who get fisted. For some, this is a special occasional treat and for others, it\u2019s a Tuesday night. The gay community contains multitudes and a dude with a hand up his ass is never too far away.<\/p>\n

Is fisting safe? It can be if done properly, but it comes with risks in both the long and short term. For a previous column<\/a>, gastroenterologist Carlton Thomas (known on social media as @DoctorCarlton<\/a>) told me that most of the long-term consequences of fisting are a result of injuries\u2014getting permanently stretched out is a lesser concern, because of what Thomas refers to as the anus\u2019s \u201cincredible snapback,\u201d though it is possible. Said injuries can include bleeding, tearing, and hemorrhoids, according to anal surgeon Evan Goldstein<\/a>. Stephen Goldstone\u2019s The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex: A Medical Handbook for Men<\/a> elaborates:<\/p>\n

\n

Big toys or fisting can be dangerous. Any stiff, long object may not negotiate the natural bend in your colon and tear through the wall\u2014an extremely dangerous situation that requires emergency surgery to repair. Thick toys (especially fists) can damage your sphincter muscle and may eventually lead to an inability to control your bowels.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And as with other anal play, pain is a distinct possibility, as is the transmission of STIs.<\/p>\n

There are guys who absolutely love fisting and find connectedness through the act, in spite (and in some cases because) of the risks. More potential danger yields more vulnerability. That said, this is not really beginner play and the intensity alone makes it something that you should only try if you really want it. \u201cThis doesn\u2019t sound like a good idea,\u201d isn\u2019t convincing me that you\u2019re a good candidate to get fisted. One of Thomas\u2019s tips is to get fisted by an experienced fister, who can serve as a guide and hopefully troubleshoot in the moment. I\u2019m not sure if your boyfriend qualifies but if you really want to dabble, I suggest bringing in a fisting top who can show both of you the ropes. He should be communicative, use lots of lube, and offer a covering for his fist (like a glove<\/a>) which can help smooth the texture. You almost certainly won\u2019t be able to take a whole fist the first time you try (progressive dilation is key), so someone with the knowledge of this and attendant patience would also be essential. You can vet him ahead of time to see just how much of this he already knows and practices.<\/p>\n

Ask Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our new advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

A month ago my husband and I spent a week at my sister\u2019s home out of state.\u00a0The trouble is we left a cock ring behind. I went through our suitcases more than a dozen times without finding it.\u00a0We brought it with us, so I\u2019m certain it must have been lost there.\u00a0She hasn\u2019t contacted us to let us know she found it or mentioned it in the time we\u2019ve spoken since the visit.\u00a0It has sentimental value, but I\u2019m embarrassed as hell to ask if she came across it. My husband says to grow up: We\u2019re all adults, my sister knows what sex is, and to just ask her already.\u00a0Is he right?<\/p>\n

\u2014Ring Ruckus<\/p>\n

Dear Ring Ruckus,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Firstly, I love the idea of attaching sentimental value to a cock ring. It\u2019s like a grown-up Toy Story. Call it Sex Toy Story. Imagine what all the sex toys get up to when you aren\u2019t looking! Imagine how their existential grief intermingles with stigma-fueled shame when their owner wants to throw them away! After all, there\u2019s no Goodwill section for sex toys.<\/p>\n

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    Anyway, did any of the Toy Story movies ever introduce the idea that people should be less sentimental about things? I can\u2019t remember but I feel like no\u2014those movies, in my recollection, have consistently perpetuated the deep ties that we have to inanimate objects. With all due respect to those who find themselves sexually attracted to or even in love with said objects, if you can get over this, it\u2019s probably easier just to get a new cock ring. They are plentiful. That way you could avoid having the conversation with your sister entirely, since the prospect of it vexes you so.<\/p>\n

    Otherwise, I side with your husband. Just ask. You don\u2019t have to refer to it as a cock ring. Be vague and call it jewelry or a ring. Lie and say it\u2019s a bandanna ring or a napkin ring. Tell her it\u2019s a bangle for your doll\u2019s arm. Obfuscate entirely: \u201cWe left something behind.\u201d Or straight-up tell her it\u2019s a cock ring. Decide what terminology is least uncomfortable for you and go with it. You\u2019re both adults. This may be awkward and it may represent a new discursive frontier if you and your sister don\u2019t typically discuss sex, but she shouldn\u2019t hold your sexuality against you.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

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