{"id":270326,"date":"2025-10-01T22:46:13","date_gmt":"2025-10-01T22:46:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/270326\/"},"modified":"2025-10-01T22:46:13","modified_gmt":"2025-10-01T22:46:13","slug":"my-sons-favorite-after-school-counselor-is-his-greatest-role-model-i-cant-believe-what-i-just-caught-him-doing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/270326\/","title":{"rendered":"My son’s favorite after-school counselor is his greatest role model. I can’t believe what I just caught him doing."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019re excited to welcome A.J. Daulerio, author of Slate\u2019s Ask A.J.<\/a> column, to Care and Feeding, where the father of three will be sharing parenting advice every other Wednesday. <\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/strong><\/p>\n

My 12-year-old son goes to an after-school program oriented around healthy living. They learn to cook vegetarian dishes, do yoga and meditation, and learn about various topics such as healthy sexuality and substance abuse. I\u2019m extremely passionate about all of these things and was delighted to hear that my son was enjoying it as well when he started going two years ago, especially because he had never particularly liked sports or other extracurriculars.<\/p>\n

He really looks up to the only male counselor, \u201cDrew.\u201d His father and I divorced when he was 7, and he only spends time with his dad over the holidays, so it is extremely important to me that he has positive male role models in his life. But recently, while running errands on the weekend without my son, I found Drew doing something horrible.<\/p>\n

I walked past a bar with some people smoking cigarettes outside\u2014and Drew was one of them! I didn\u2019t confront him but was shocked and concerned. To my knowledge there aren\u2019t official rules in the program about staff using substances outside of work, but I would hope that the staff believe in a \u201cpractice what you preach\u201d mindset! There are plenty of places they could work with kids that don\u2019t emphasize the values this program does.<\/p>\n

I feel let down and am worried about what other behaviors Drew might engage in outside of work, and if he would ever let anything slip that my son would find out about. I\u2019m worried that it would either damage my son\u2019s relationship with him, or, even worse, entice my son to dabble in these behaviors since he looks up to Drew so much. Is it appropriate to reach out to the leadership staff of the program about what I saw? I know smoking cigarettes isn\u2019t illegal (unfortunately), but they were also less than 25 feet away from the building, which is illegal in our state. Any thoughts on this?<\/p>\n

\u2014Healthy Hypocrisy<\/p>\n

Dear HH,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    The Neighbor Kids Keep Trespassing on Our Property. Their Parents\u2019 Response Is Unhinged.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    My Son Hasn\u2019t Seen His Father in 11 Years. It Might Be Time to Tell Him the Real Reason Why.
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  3. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! The Guy I\u2019m Seeing Is Really Close to His Roommate\u2026 Perhaps Too Close.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Son Shared a \u201cFunny\u201d Sleepover Story. Then I Heard What They Did to the Dog.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I had to read through this twice to ensure I was keeping your question in proper context, but based on what I\u2019ve gathered from the information provided, please don\u2019t take offense at the harshness of my response. But, Jesus Christ, NO. Please don\u2019t reach out to the leadership staff whatsoever. Drew is an adult who is enjoying some well-deserved downtime and is 100% allowed to have that.<\/p>\n

    Let\u2019s also assume that the bar is a little more lax about the 25-feet rule, so let\u2019s not call the cigarette police just yet because then you\u2019ll get the bar in trouble, which, as far as I can tell, as long as they\u2019re not serving your 12-year-old son martinis and cigarettes, is not your lane to angrily swerve into.<\/p>\n

    Remember that before you saw him smoking, you loved Drew\u2014and more importantly, your son still loves Drew. If you narc, it would ruin the relationship between him and your son, possibly forever, and you don\u2019t want that guilt. Trust that Drew is still a positive role model. This one incident doesn\u2019t mean that your son is destined for a life of crime or substance misuse. The only real damage that could be done to him right now will only be caused by you if you follow through with this disastrous plan to rescue him. Step back, practice yoga, meditate, and trust that, until you hear otherwise, your son is still in good hands. Namaste!<\/p>\n

    \u2014A.J.<\/p>\n

    More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My brother has a bizarre form of punishment that he uses on his kids. He makes them do exercise\u2014not like a few jumping jacks, but like 200 pushups or eight minutes of wall-sits with no breaks. The kids will be crying by the time they\u2019re done, and often their muscles are too sore to play for a while afterwards. I think that this is a form of abuse. I have tried to talk to my brother about it, but he insists it\u2019s within the range of normal discipline, and that since I\u2019m childless I don\u2019t understand. <\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. We\u2019re excited…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":270327,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[600,246,251,159,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-270326","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-kids","11":"tag-science","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115301343818561719","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/270326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=270326"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/270326\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/270327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=270326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=270326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=270326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}