![\"Multiple](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/Band-practice-1.jpg\")
\n\t\t\t\t\t\tBands get into the spirit rehearsing in the garage.\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\tBands get into the spirit rehearsing in the garage.\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n
Tom Wilde\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
Music and mental health are independent endeavors that bring people calm, focus and joy. They overlap a lot. (*Understand \u201cmental health\u201d as well-being in the overlapping life contexts of cognition, emotion, social, physical, spiritual and financial existence). This column will explore both to edify and entertain about how to use them to enjoy and thrive \u2014email column ideas to NTMusicandMentalHealth@gmail.com.<\/p>\n
Today, we\u2019re getting into Emotions.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be looking at the practices<\/a> of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Emotional Hygiene (EH). So far, we\u2019ve built out a CBT toolbox with mono-tasking, a primer on CBT basics,<\/a> meta-cognition, and using Intentional, Non-Judgmental, Self-Awareness. EQ is a logical next step.<\/p>\n Emotional Regulation is critical to being effectively proactive to any stressor.\u00a0 Think of it this way \u2014 if our emotions are in the \u2018driver seat\u2019 of our life on a moment-to-moment basis, we\u2019re mostly reactive not proactive. Which would you prefer as you engage in relationships, your job, your passion projects, events that surprise and challenge you, or just trying to get to sleep?<\/p>\n Understanding emotions starts with this fundamental fact: Emotions are not a choice<\/strong>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Emotions are an organic response of our central nervous system. They come with the package of being an animal. Emotions are our body\u2019s response to environmental stimuli \u2014 whether those are stimuli we want to be experiencing or those we\u2019d prefer not to.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Ultimately, the capital P Purpose of emotions is survival, or aka vigilance. When emotions are what we prefer to experience (ex: love, bliss, happiness, euphoria), the survival modality is about bonding and connecting with other homo-sapiens because there is safety in that context.\u00a0 If the emotions are those we prefer not to feel (ex: fear, disgust, anger, grief), the survival modality is about responding to a direct threat of harm.\u00a0<\/p>\n It makes sense to have a quick moment (or minutes) of reactive response if there\u2019s a bear chasing us or a person with a gun threatening us. But we definitely don\u2019t want that reactive period to continue for longer periods of time than necessary, which would mean we become hyper-vigilant, a core symptom of PTSD. We want to deal with the threat and then de-escalate back into emotional regulation of vigilance.\u00a0<\/p>\n When we\u2019re emotionally provoked (stressed), cortisol is released into our bloodstream. We need cortisol to help our body be strong for fight\/flight response; we don\u2019t want cortisol to be in our bloodstream if Amazon doesn\u2019t have the Classic Air Jordans we\u2019ve been jonesing about for months. (*There\u2019s quite a bit more to unpackage about \u2018what-if\u2019 we don\u2019t de-escalate, or the threat continues for long periods of time \u2026 that will be covered more in future columns about anger management, assertion, boundary setting, trauma, C-PTSD, CPT and more. <\/p>\n You could read\/listen to \u201cThe Body Keeps the Score\u201d by Bessel van der Kolk now if you prefer not to wait.<\/p>\n Emotional Intelligence is the way to: Let\u2019s focus on when we are the ones perceiving a threat of harm, when what\u2019s really going on is having to adjust to circumstances that we\u2019d prefer not to experience. Such as that jerk at work or the barista getting our drink order wrong. Those are not reasons to push the cortisol button and become emotional. <\/p>\n If we get emotional, then it is likely because: Emotional Hygiene (EH) is a prosthetic skill of EQ. Apply the concept of washing your hands after using the lavatory to your emotions, it\u2019s like cleaning up if there\u2019s been some emotional messiness such as humiliation, intimidation, embarrassment, betrayal, et cet. Most of us weren\u2019t educated about his \u2013 we were told to hide from our emotions or treat them like weakness. Being candid, folks \u2013 that\u2019s dumb. And toxic. Recall: emotions are not a choice. They are our nervous system telling us that it thinks survival might be a priority. <\/p>\n![\"Concert](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/concert-heart.jpg\")
Heart hands at concert. PongsakornJun\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
1. Acknowledge that emotions are not a choice.
2. Manage them effectively.
3. Get out of the business of provoking ourselves emotionally when not<\/strong> facing a direct threat of harm, where we are instead navigating contexts like challenge, adversity, and inconvenience. <\/p>\n
1. We\u2019re either already irritated by multiple things and don\u2019t have good EQ structure to deal with our stressors.
2. We have a sensitivity to certain stressors that is maladaptive.
3. Both. Dig what clinical psychologist Michael Benner has to say about \u2018the bruise.\u2019\u00a0 Too bad he didn\u2019t have two hours longer to get into the weeds on explaining the details, but lackaday, we\u2019ll keep calm and carry on. I strongly suggest you trust his explanation about the bruise because he\u2019s correct; we all have them, and healing them will increase the quality of life exponentially.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n