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\n Julia and Adriana each share their version of their past hookup, and it sheds new light on their entire relationship.
\n Photo: Jocelyn Prescod\/Bravo\n <\/p>\n
The bombshell that Julia dropped at the end of the first part of the reunion was so major that we here at the Real Housewives Institute had to rush to our panic room to write an emergency recap<\/a> of it for the Housewives Institute Bulletin. (What? You don\u2019t know about our twice-monthly newsletter? Sign up here for free<\/a>! Also, don\u2019t forget to like and subscribe and follow me on Instagram<\/a>.) As I said in that piece, the first part brought up more questions than it answered. After watching the second part, I still have a ton of questions. The biggest question is, does anyone know how lesbians have sex?<\/p>\n When Andy asks Adriana if she had sex with Julia, she says, \u201cI don\u2019t have a dick.\u201d What in the Clinton administration, stained blue dress, \u201cI did not have sex with that woman\u201d is going on here? The stunned silence after her answer kind of says it all. Andy tells her that you can have sex without a dick, and she says, \u201cNot really.\u201d Not really? There are a million ways to have sex without a dick. If a guy gave Adriana the best oral sex of her life and didn\u2019t penetrate her, would she not consider that sex? And if not, poor Adriana. She needs to go to the Ramona Singer school of gratification, where gentlemen are given directions south of the border, told to get a-munchin\u2019, and then shown the door without their boxers even hitting their ankles. When Stephanie says they could scissor, Adriana says that she didn\u2019t scissor anyone.<\/p>\n The ladies take a break for lunch, and Julia is in her dressing room talking to Alexia and Marysol, and Alexia says, \u201cDid you eat her out? Did she eat you out? I don\u2019t know what you guys do.\u201d Yes, you do. That\u2019s what they do! Adriana is talking to Lisa in her dressing room, and Lisa says, \u201cDid you do this?\u201d putting her two hands together in the universal symbol for scissoring. Adriana again says no. While there was a myth that lesbians don\u2019t actually scissor<\/a>, that has since been debunked<\/a>. So, lesbians do scissor, but it\u2019s also not the only thing they do. Sex is a wild and varied thing. A carnal buffet, if you will. Maybe not for the straight women on these couches who are only engaging in three to eight minutes of missionary and then turning the light out, but there are all sorts of things people can do to pleasure each other. If you think that the only things lesbians can do are scissor or go down on each other, then I\u2019m sorry, but both your imagination and your access to all the pornography on Al Gore\u2019s internet are sadly lacking.<\/p>\n The other crazy reaction is when Lisa first hears the news, she says, \u201cWhy were you sleeping [together] if you were married?\u201d Oh, you poor, ignorant Canadian. Married people have sex with people other than their partners all the time. What does she think Lenny was doing on all of those plastic surgery conventions? Tons of people cheat, so yes, Julia might have been married, but that doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s wearing a chastity belt and that Martina is the one holding the key. (If she did, you know she would hide it inside a sliced-open tennis ball.) As Kiki points out, not all relationships are the same, and Julia could have even been having sex within the confines of her relationship. For a group of international women, they certainly have a cloistered worldview.<\/p>\n To answer some of these questions, we get a lot more details about what happened thanks to Andy\u2019s astute questioning. (Hats off to our collective daddy, who is flying without a net on this one, with nothing on his cards to help him. But you can see by the sly grin on his face that he knows he\u2019s making excellent television.) Martina and Julia are not in an open relationship, but Martina was aware of Julia\u2019s hookup with Adriana because Julia had told her six months ago. She also told Martina that she was going to mention it at the reunion, which made Martina cry.<\/p>\n As far as what went down, when pressed by Alexia for the gory details, Julia demurs but says they \u201cwere intimate,\u201d which is sort of all I need to know. To me, that means there was below-the-belt contact, and that\u2019s enough to be considered \u201csleeping together\u201d in my book. Adriana acknowledges that they hooked up, but she said it was nothing more than heavy petting. She even does us the courtesy of putting it in Bravo parlance and saying she \u201cpetted the puss<\/a>.\u201d She says that there was no scissoring and that she doesn\u2019t know what Julia\u2019s lady parts look like. To use another bit of Bravo parlance, was it a \u201cno kiss fingerbang<\/a>?\u201d Anyway, I think what Adriana tells us paints a clear enough picture for the audience without getting into the nitty-gritty details of what went into it.<\/p>\n While they agree on the facts of the hookups, everything else about their stories is different. The way Julia tells it, she was in a dark place with Martina and she was vulnerable, and Adriana didn\u2019t necessarily take advantage of her, but was working the situation in her favor. After they hooked up, Julia says Adriana asked if she would leave Martina for her and supposedly said, \u201cImagine the story line!\u201d It was then that Julia thought that Adriana wasn\u2019t really into her or her true friend and was just using her for the show. But also, Adriana isn\u2019t wrong. Imagine the story line!<\/p>\n