{"id":296581,"date":"2025-10-12T06:10:17","date_gmt":"2025-10-12T06:10:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/296581\/"},"modified":"2025-10-12T06:10:17","modified_gmt":"2025-10-12T06:10:17","slug":"my-girlfriend-is-refusing-to-touch-me-unless-i-do-something-that-could-make-me-very-sick","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/296581\/","title":{"rendered":"My girlfriend is refusing to touch me unless I do something that could make me very sick."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have a skin condition where my mouth and chin are covered in painful bleeding sores. Recently, I\u2019ve run out of medication to treat it, and for the first time in my two-year relationship, my girlfriend has seen the worst of it. She\u2019s almost outright stopped talking to me since the sores have come back, and physical contact has been literally nonexistent. I know that the sores are uncomfortable to look at, but I can\u2019t stand being walled off from my girlfriend until my medicine arrives. Well, yesterday, she came to me with a frightening ultimatum.<\/p>\n

The only way she says she\u2019ll engage with me is if I grow a beard to cover the sores. I\u2019ve tried before, but it only makes them more painful, and it\u2019s easier for them to get infected. I\u2019ve told her this, but she won\u2019t listen, and gives me the cold shoulder any time I\u2019m near her. She\u2019s a wonderful human being, and probably the woman I want to marry, and I can\u2019t stand being apart from her. What should I do\u2014grow a beard and worsen the sores, or not grow a beard and face the fact that she won\u2019t talk to me?<\/p>\n

\u2014To Beard of Not to Beard<\/p>\n

Dear to Beard,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wait a minute, how long is it going to be until you get your medication? Longer than it takes to grow a beard? This isn\u2019t just a cosmetic issue\u2014you\u2019re in pain! And I doubt the medication is a controlled substance. Can you ask your doctor for an early refill? Or an emergency supply so this doesn\u2019t happen again? Is there a Facebook or Reddit community made of people with your skin condition, where you could ask if anyone local to you has an extra tube? It just doesn\u2019t seem right that you\u2019re having to suffer through this.<\/p>\n

But you didn\u2019t ask for medical advice and that\u2019s not my area of expertise, so let\u2019s move on to your girlfriend: You say she\u2019s a wonderful human being, but how does withholding attention until you do something that will cause pain and infection fit into that? I think it disqualifies her from \u201cwonderful\u201d status. And I can\u2019t say enough that it\u2019s really, really important that the person you marry cares about your feelings and wants the best for you, or can at least be kind to you when the best thing for you and the best thing for her are in conflict.<\/p>\n

I understand that you\u2019re not going to break up with her just because I said that. I know. But I just ask that you refuse to grow the beard, observe her reaction, and pay close attention to whether this is a person who treats you in the way you want to be treated for the rest of your life. Yes, you\u2019re extremely attached to her and find it hard to be away from her, but that\u2019s not what I\u2019m talking about. I want you to think about the quality of the time you have with her and how it makes you feel, especially when one or both of you has something difficult to deal with. Metaphorically speaking, life has a lot of painful open sores. When they inevitably flare up, do you want to be married to someone who makes the situation more agonizing, or someone who helps you heal?<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband\u2019s aunt passed away last week, and I am wondering if it would be appropriate to bring our 16-month-old son to the funeral, as he tends not to do well with sitters. In general, he is not prone to crying fits, but he is a baby, so there isn\u2019t a non-zero chance. Thoughts?<\/p>\n

\u2014Roll the Dice on Keeping Quiet<\/p>\n

Dear Keeping Quiet,<\/strong><\/p>\n

A funeral is a perfect time to reflect on the entire cycle of life and how precious each part of it is, including the part that includes a lot of screaming. Bring your son. His presence will bring joy to everyone as you mingle before and after the main event. I\u2019m guessing this might be an opportunity for him to meet a lot of relatives. Sadly, weddings and funerals are often the only times these introductions occur. At the end of the day, it\u2019s the togetherness, not the official funeral program that is important. If you have to step out during the service (which you should plan to do if he gets loud), so be it.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My partner lost his wife five years ago. They have a 25-year-old son and a 20-year-old daughter, \u201cHannah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hannah disproves of her dad dating anyone, but especially me. I am very much the opposite of her mom: White, career-oriented, and non-religious. I have tried by best to build a bridge here, but Hannah can barely contain her disdain for me. I can\u2019t even have a civil conversation about the weather without Hannah having to get her jabs in. If her father defends me and tells Hannah to cut it out, she will have a meltdown and cause a scene. We actually were asked to leave a restaurant because of her behavior.<\/p>\n

Hannah refuses to go to therapy. She currently isn\u2019t talking to either her father or brother. My partner and I have talked about getting more serious and moving in together, but I could never live with someone as hostile as Hannah is. Is there any hope here?<\/p>\n

\u2014Home and Hannah<\/p>\n

Dear Home, <\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    I Went to a Strip Club to Feel Something New. Now I Can\u2019t Stop Lying to My Wife.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    Years Ago, I Had an Office Fling That Went Terribly Wrong. Now He\u2019s Back, and I\u2019m Furious.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    My Daughter Is a Mean Girl. But My Wife\u2019s Idea for \u201cPunishment\u201d Will Hurt Us All.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! I Was Written Up for Violating an Office Rule. The Only Way They Could\u2019ve Known Is a Total Invasion of Privacy.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Not much! So I\u2019m happy you\u2019re thinking about all this before moving in together. It sounds like Hannah has some pretty serious issues, separate from her relationship with you. And there\u2019s absolutely no plan to address them. Tell your partner you want to put the brakes on and pause any conversations about cohabitation until your presence doesn\u2019t trigger a tantrum. It\u2019s really important that you look at things clearly in this moment, when disentangling your life doesn\u2019t involve major financial or real estate decisions. Hannah is always going to be your partner\u2019s daughter. He\u2019s always going to love her\u2014and perhaps even give her some extra leeway because of the devastating loss of her mom. Combine that with the fact that it is nearly impossible to force an adult into therapy, and I can see a future in which an angry woman lives under your roof and makes your life miserable, you have absolutely no power to address it, and your end up resenting your partner over a dynamic that\u2019s just as hard on him as it is on you.<\/p>\n

    Don\u2019t let that happen! Stay in your home. Go on dates. And decide what you\u2019d need to see from Hannah to start thinking about moving in again. My suggestion: Six months straight of civil behavior and an unprompted apology for how she treated you in the past.<\/p>\n

    Catch up on this week\u2019s Prudie.<\/a> <\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    A few years ago, my little brother had an affair. He was eventually found out and filed for a divorce, which my sister-in-law fought tooth and nail. My brother is still involved in a relationship with \u201cthe other woman\u201d and they are planning to take the next step. To be honest, I never liked his ex-wife. The \u201cother woman\u201d and I have a lot in common, and had we met in other circumstances, I am certain that we would be friends. My mother absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of inviting her to family functions, and as a result, one round of Christmas and Thanksgiving have already been destroyed. I would really like to put the past behind us and move on\u2014with the other woman\u2014but my mom feels that there is\u00a0a moral red line against ever including her in our lives<\/a><\/p>\n

    Get advice on manners and morals in your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, I have a skin condition where my mouth…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":296582,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,29396,110643,210,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-296581","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dear-prudence","10":"tag-featured-rubric","11":"tag-health","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115359713216393029","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296581","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=296581"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296581\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/296582"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=296581"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=296581"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=296581"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}