{"id":303445,"date":"2025-10-14T19:46:14","date_gmt":"2025-10-14T19:46:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/303445\/"},"modified":"2025-10-14T19:46:14","modified_gmt":"2025-10-14T19:46:14","slug":"im-dating-a-younger-man-his-inexperience-is-vexing-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/303445\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m dating a younger man. His … inexperience is vexing me."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Jessica and Rich here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 46-year-old, bisexual woman who is 10 years older than my partner. I have a ton more experience and kinks than him.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had to let the kinks go because it\u2019s not in his nature. He\u2019s also small compared to previous partners. He doesn\u2019t have a micro penis, but it\u2019s below average. You could say I was a size queen, as I used to only look for partners on the large end of the spectrum before I met him. I was also non-monogamous for five years before him. I had girlfriends, boyfriends, threesomes, and moresomes. It\u2019s been eight years, and there\u2019s no kink, no women, only one threesome, and a small penis.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sad about all of this all the time. The sex is OK, and he puts in so much effort, but I miss the feeling of a larger penis. I love to give oral (so does he), but it\u2019s a bummer that I can\u2019t even use my hands and mouth at the same time. I can\u2019t give him the full experience. I don\u2019t try to have threesomes because I\u2019m embarrassed by his size, and he would not be OK if I dated other men. I plan to be with him for the rest of my life; he is the best person I\u2019ve ever met. However, right now, it\u2019s me and my magic wand against the world. I don\u2019t want him to feel like I have to use it every time.<\/p>\n

Is there hope for me? How can I stop thinking about other, bigger penises all the time? I\u2019m somewhat OK without BDSM, but I need something. I also find myself craving a relationship with a woman. We don\u2019t have sex very often, which might contribute to the whole situation. Lastly, I\u2019m conventionally attractive and get flirted with all the time. That does not help. I wish I weren\u2019t experienced and \u201cfreaky.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014Crushed and Kinky<\/p>\n

Dear Crushed and Kinky,<\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s plenty of hope in several different directions. Our ability to control our thoughts is pretty limited, and mostly relies on mindfulness or actively thinking about something we want to think about instead of trying to push away the thoughts we hope to avoid.<\/p>\n

With direct answers to your questions out of the way, I have to point out: You sound pretty miserable. If you simply needed a place to vent, I\u2019m happy we could provide that, and encourage you to consider who you might be able to trust to be that place for you in the future. You\u2019ll want a friend who doesn\u2019t know your partner, or at least isn\u2019t socializing with them extensively, and who is able and willing to hold these frustrations without sharing them around town.<\/p>\n

Are you attracted to your partner? Your letter contained an extensive list of ways his physical attributes turn you off, and then a statement about him being the best person you\u2019ve ever met, so I\u2019m left wondering whether there\u2019s anything about him that does turn you on but that you didn\u2019t include.<\/p>\n

If you aren\u2019t attracted to him at all, in the sexual sense, could that be contributing to the infrequency of the sex you have together? I\u2019m also wondering whether your description of kink as \u201cnot in his nature\u201d means that you\u2019ve made an assumption, and whether there might be more wiggle room there than you think. Have you given him the chance to decide for himself whether he\u2019s up for any of the aspects of BDSM that you\u2019re missing? Reading between the lines a little, men who are respectful, solicitous, and follow their female partners\u2019 leads outside the bedroom often make great male doms with a bit of encouragement and support. What we might see as a man\u2019s \u201cnature\u201d lending itself to sexual dominance can sometimes be an alpha identity or a more explicit tendency to be abusive. Give that some thought.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, how much of your decision to stay with this partner is based on ideas about monogamy and vanilla sex being more \u201cnormal\u201d or \u201cbetter,\u201d or in fear that you\u2019ll never find a human as great as this one again, and, therefore, should rearrange yourself to keep him? If any of that resonates, spend some time with the friend I suggested you talk with up top, or with a sex-positive therapist, working toward a clearer understanding of what you actually need and want. It absolutely might be the case that you stick with your choice to forgo the extremely novel and varied sex life you used to have. Regardless, I think you\u2019ll have an easier time living with your decision if you\u2019re thorough about arriving at one.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for a little under two months now, and I think this could be a lasting relationship. However, I have one problem with him: His dick is GIGANTIC. It\u2019s both a length problem and a girth issue\u2014it\u2019s nearly as thick around as a soda can. Penis-in-vagina sex is possible for us, but it takes a ton of foreplay and lube to make it happen. Much of the time, I don\u2019t orgasm outside of non-penetrative sex because it feels like I\u2019m being stretched to the breaking point. Is there some way I can loosen myself up so we can make this work physically?<\/p>\n

\u2014Too Much of a Good Thing<\/p>\n

Dear Too Much of a Good Thing,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Usually, I recommend the Ohnut<\/a> for length difficulties, and I do think it\u2019s still worth a try in your case, but nearly soda can level circumference might be beyond what the device can accommodate.<\/p>\n

Girth is a little more complicated than length. First, foreplay is fantastic regardless. Ideally, this foreplay includes at least one adequate-to-great orgasm for you, as that tends to help with relaxing the vaginal canal. You also might try very slow penetration at first, or even entering without thrusting at all, to give your body time to adjust.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak
\n I Confronted the Man I\u2019m Seeing About His Failure to \u201cMake a Move.\u201d His Reply Was Full of Lies.
\n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Speaking of time, you\u2019ve only been having sex with this man for a few weeks, so your body might do some adjusting of its own over the next few months. And you can work on letting the muscles in your pelvic floor relax. Try breathing techniques that encourage physical relaxation, and visualizing your body opening, until you find something that works for you or get fed up with the process. But do give each practice more than a single cursory attempt. Most likely, you\u2019ll need a combination of these tactics.<\/p>\n

Send Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband and I used to frequently hold porn viewing parties that would inevitably lead to an orgy. We enjoyed this for many years, but once we had our first kid, we stopped.<\/p>\n

We have two kids now (both under 5), and my husband has been eager to return to our old pastime. I really do not want to do this. Not only am I regularly left drained from dealing with two very young children, but the idea of a sex party taking place in an area where my kids play doesn\u2019t sit well with me, no matter how good a job I might do of cleaning it. I haven\u2019t given my husband a definitive answer on whether we will resume, but I know he\u2019s going to be crushed when I tell him this is a chapter in our lives that I want to remain closed. Any advice on how to break it to him?<\/p>\n

\u2014Party\u2019s Over<\/p>\n

Dear Party\u2019s Over,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    My Wife Pulls the Same Egregious Stunt Every Halloween. I\u2019ve Had Enough.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Son Is Doing Something Very Unconventional in His Marriage. His Dad Is Furious.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    My Parents Gave My Sister Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars to Be \u201cFair.\u201d Their Logic Makes No Sense.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! I Have a \u201cHug Buddy\u201d at Work. My Husband Would Never Approve.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You list some reasons that you want sex parties to permanently cease, but they\u2019re based on temporary circumstances and logistics that could be pretty easily mitigated. Your kids are going to get older and require less minute-by-minute care. They\u2019ll start going to school for large portions of every weekday and participating in activities that don\u2019t require your supervision in their free time. In a decade and a half, they\u2019ll probably be out of the home entirely.<\/p>\n

    You could attend orgies organized by other people, or at locations outside your home. If you go to your husband with explanations for your decision that are fairly easy to work around, he\u2019s almost certainly going to have hope that you\u2019ll change your mind when the kids are older or if he finds a way to throw the party elsewhere. If you\u2019re done with orgies for other reasons, get clear on that before you broach the subject with your husband and be prepared to share those reasons\u2014even if it\u2019s simply that you\u2019re done and aren\u2019t sure why.<\/p>\n

    As for how to break it to him, choose a calm moment where you have privacy and be direct. Something like, \u201cI know you really want this, and I need to tell you that I don\u2019t want it anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u2014Jessica<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I\u2019m a woman in her mid-30s who\u2019s been married for five years to my husband, and we\u2019re more than seven years into our relationship. Things are, on almost every count, good between us. We have one son and plan no more, our jobs are stable, and we have a full life with friends and family. But there is one issue he keeps raising with me, over and over, and it\u2019s starting to drive me nuts: He\u2019s terrified we\u2019ll become one of those couples whose intimacy dies and never has sex the longer we stay together\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Jessica and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":303446,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-303445","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-slate-plus","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115374247029922866","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=303445"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303445\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/303446"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=303445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=303445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=303445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}