{"id":314302,"date":"2025-10-18T20:50:10","date_gmt":"2025-10-18T20:50:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/314302\/"},"modified":"2025-10-18T20:50:10","modified_gmt":"2025-10-18T20:50:10","slug":"i-accomplished-a-sexual-feat-then-i-did-something-really-embarrassing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/314302\/","title":{"rendered":"I accomplished a sexual feat. Then I did something really embarrassing."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I recently finalized a divorce, after having been married to my wife for 10 years, and am now back on the dating scene. I\u2019m mostly looking to have casual sex with someone I can connect with more than once. The problem is I went on a few dates with this one woman, and after a night of drinking, we had sex. It was great, but then I did something that really embarrassed me.<\/p>\n

I inexplicably started crying. It was my first time having sex with anyone other than my wife and I guess it just hit me at that moment. She was really nice about it, and I hope we can patch things up. But it\u2019s so awkward and I really don\u2019t want that to happen again. How do I keep these particular waterworks out of it?<\/p>\n

\u2014Teared Up<\/p>\n

Dear Teared Up,<\/strong><\/p>\n

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    How do you stop an automatic emotional reaction that you never wanted to present in the first place? I don\u2019t know if you can. This was a sincere moment. Your feelings were indicating something that your brain didn\u2019t realize. Maybe you weren\u2019t really ready for this kind of contact after all that happened. Or maybe part of you was ready for it and another part of you wasn\u2019t. Ambivalence is the norm for a lot of situations. Our feelings can conflict and we may not even realize it until they\u2019re pouring out of us. Maybe the first post-divorce sex was just so momentous that your emotions followed suit and outpoured. Showing someone this side of you may feel vulnerable, even unsafe. It may even come off as taboo if you\u2019re a guy. Casual partners may feel it\u2019s too much. But not everyone will want to banish you for having feelings, even if they run deep and come out in a surprising display. In fact, if someone handles that kind of emotional release well, that says a lot about them\u2014like that they\u2019re a safe person for you to be yourself with. That might be asking too much of a casual hookup, but anyone who approached your feelings with curiosity and empathy could be healing for you right now.<\/p>\n

    I think you just have to feel your way through. This could have been a first-time thing. Maybe not. You won\u2019t know until you experience it more. Given the way that drinking can tease out emotions, I\u2019d lay off the sauce next time you think that whatever you\u2019re doing may lead to sex. It would be great if the fix were so easy as to subtract that one thing. If not, just give it time and seek out compassionate partners who can accept your emotions. Take your time and, most importantly, accept yourself.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

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    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Stoya and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":314303,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[600,5598,5597,158,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-314302","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-technology","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-sex","10":"tag-slate-plus","11":"tag-technology","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115397147128482235","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=314302"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314302\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/314303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=314302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=314302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=314302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}