{"id":324515,"date":"2025-10-22T18:42:28","date_gmt":"2025-10-22T18:42:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/324515\/"},"modified":"2025-10-22T18:42:28","modified_gmt":"2025-10-22T18:42:28","slug":"my-girlfriend-begs-me-to-have-sex-every-time-i-come-home-from-a-certain-activity-theres-no-way-anyone-is-actually-into-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/324515\/","title":{"rendered":"My girlfriend begs me to have sex every time I come home from a certain activity. There’s no way anyone is actually into this."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Jessica and Rich here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My girlfriend loves to have sex after I get home very sweaty from the gym. This should be a good thing. Wrong!<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t stop feeling insecure about how much I must smell and how gross I am after an intense workout. But according to her, she loves it and it drives her wild. I really want to believe her, but it\u2019s hard to trust that someone could enjoy the smells of body odor and sweat. Is there a way I can let loose and enjoy this more? Or should I just put a stop to the post-gym second workout?<\/p>\n

\u2014I Smell!<\/p>\n

Dear I Smell!,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Take it from me, a disinterested third party, people enjoy the smell of BO and sweat. Not all BO and sweat are made alike, and if the sweat isn\u2019t fresh (and, for example, dries on clothes that aren\u2019t removed or, worse, reworn), it can smell sour. But good BO can be so good.<\/p>\n

Your girlfriend is hardly alone. In fact, there\u2019s a gay party in New York called Pheromone<\/a> that caters to<\/a> guys who want to stick their noses in each other\u2019s pits. Read up a little more on this kink, and it may be easier to understand that, yeah, some people like this a lot. It requires very little of you to allow your girlfriend to indulge (merely raising an arm, if that), and if you can be comfortable with that, you should. She\u2019s expressed how into it she is\u2014believe her.<\/p>\n

But getting to be comfortable with that can be a big ask. In the United States, we\u2019re generally taught to scrub away our natural odors, and that can ingrain in us a sense that we smell bad. There may be no getting around this for you. With the knowledge that what your girlfriend is asking for is highly common, see if you can just relax and let her do her thing with your post-workout body. If you find yourself unable to get into it or with lingering discomfort, maybe you don\u2019t rock full post-workout funk. Maybe you let her enjoy you in the morning, before you\u2019ve showered or put on deodorant. Or at the end of the day, when your deodorant has run out. Test your own boundaries of comfort. If you ultimately conclude that any amount of funk is too much for you to unleash, that\u2019s totally OK.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

When I married my husband 20 years ago, he was handsome, tall, witty, and athletic. Well, he\u2019s still tall, witty, and cute. But time is beginning to catch up with him. His hair is thinning, and he\u2019s not as slim and fit as he used to be. Basically, he\u2019s aging. And I\u2019m afraid I don\u2019t find him as attractive as I did before. For that reason, I\u2019ve been making excuses, and our sex life has been lacking lately. I\u2019m just not as attracted to him as I used to be.<\/p>\n

I know this sounds shallow. I\u2019m also aging, and what\u2019s worse, men often trade their wives for younger models. I don\u2019t want to trade my husband for a younger man, but is there anything I can do to feel more attracted to him as he (and I) keep getting older? I love this guy. I don\u2019t want to leave him just because he has a little less hair and can\u2019t fit into ultra-tight leather trousers anymore, but I never thought I\u2019d have to wonder how to stay physically attracted to your aging spouse. How do people do this?<\/p>\n

\u2014Don\u2019t Want to be a Shallow Gal<\/p>\n

Dear Don\u2019t Want to be a Shallow Gal,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Usually, when this issue comes up, at least in this column, it presents with less specificity. People feel less compelled to have sex with a long-term partner for reasons that they often can\u2019t quite spell out. The spark is gone, sex is less exciting. It\u2019s hard to even muster the effort to qualify \u201cblah,\u201d because, well, that\u2019s blah for you. In those cases, usually my advice is to apply Esther Perel\u2019s methods of creating eroticizing distance in your relationship, as detailed in Mating in Captivity<\/a>. The idea is to shake yourselves out of routine by, for example, changing venues (via a weekly hotel sex date, for example) or erotic letters. Seeing an old partner with new eyes can make sex more exciting. You may want to try something like this (or at least read Perel for more ideas and to think about whether they could even apply to your situation).<\/p>\n

But if this is an issue with type (i.e., you\u2019re into people who are younger than your husband), what can you do? You like what you like. You may want to play with the idea of sensation\/exploration to help bring you in\u2014if there is stuff you haven\u2019t tried but want to, like toys, kink, or groups, that might be a way to recharge things. You could also kind of do an anti-Perel and focus on sex as not a carnal way to get your rocks off, but as an expression of love and appreciation for this person who has been by your side for 20 years. That might not be so exciting, but it could at least give you an attainable goal. If nothing here works, consider counseling\u2014either solo or couples. The latter could, of course, require you to be honest about your lessened attraction to your husband, which might be hard. But a third party\u2019s help regaining it or at least relearning how to find sex exciting with your partner might make the momentary awkwardness worth it.<\/p>\n

Send Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband, who is 63, and I, a 58-year-old woman, have been married for 39 years. We were married young, but all was well. In his early 30s, our sex life changed, and we started having more time between having sex. He was very into his hobbies, and at times, I felt left out since I was home with our daughters.<\/p>\n

Fast forward through his 30s to 50s, and there would be months between intimacy. I\u2019m almost 10 years younger and still wanted to be with him. I love him very deeply, and I know he loves me. But he just doesn\u2019t seem interested in me. This has harmed my self-esteem greatly. Time moved forward, and he began to have erectile dysfunction issues. I begged him to go to the doctor. He finally did and received medication. He tried them once, and that was it. They either didn\u2019t work or it\u2019s me that\u2019s the problem. I cannot remember the last time we had sex, but it has been years.<\/p>\n

As expected, we\u2019ve grown apart in multiple ways. Politically, he has become far more conservative, and I\u2019ve become more liberal.\u00a0This applies since it is one more division and one less thing we can discuss together. About 15 years ago, we went to therapy. He was fine with the two of us together. I don\u2019t know what happened in his one time in individual therapy, but our therapist stated to me in my next session that I should divorce him, which seemed a surprising statement to me. I didn\u2019t act on that because frankly, that\u2019s not how we were raised. He will not go back to therapy.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m older and more frustrated with the separation emotionally, physically, and with our differing perspectives. What can I do to make this change for the better, or is this as good as it gets? Is it too late at my age to consider divorce? I don\u2019t want to be alone for the rest of my days.<\/p>\n

\u2014Living Alone and Married<\/p>\n

Dear Living Alone and Married,<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s never too late for a divorce. If your concern is about restarting your life and finding another partner, realize that people can and do find love at any age. Besides, if that is what\u2019s preoccupying you, you\u2019re looking way into the future when you should be concentrated on your immediate situation. Forget how you were raised (easier said than done, I know)\u2014why stay in something if it\u2019s not serving you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a situation that you find sexually frustrating with someone whom you seem to be drifting further and further away from? If you do, you don\u2019t have much of a shot at finding new love, at least not ethically. If you leave, you open your world to chance.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jessica Stoya
\n I Began a Secret Affair With a Woman Online. When I Finally Met Her in Person, I Was Stunned by Who She Turned Out to Be.
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    I\u2019m not saying that your letter reads like the only way for you to be happy is to divorce. I\u2019m an optimist, and I know that even seemingly desperate situations can be turned around. I believe in the power of love. But some things concern me here. There seems to be a communication breakdown between you and your husband. He got ED meds, they didn\u2019t work, and why seems to be a mystery. From that, I infer that he talked little about what was actually going on with him. The thing about PDE5 inhibitors is that they don\u2019t tend to be effective without a will to have sex<\/a> (i.e., horniness). They facilitate blood flow, but something needs to get the blood flowing. This does not mean that the problem is you (though it certainly could be that your husband isn\u2019t attracted to you\u2014I don\u2019t want to sugarcoat this and dismiss that possibility entirely). It could also have something to do with him physically (a hormonal issue, for example) or sexually (perhaps he has a fetish that is not being catered to, or it could have something to do with his sexuality, like maybe he\u2019s asexual). We don\u2019t know because he\u2019s not saying, and maybe part of why he\u2019s not saying is that he\u2019s not investigating. Shame could also be a factor.<\/p>\n

    If I\u2019m reading your letter right, it seems like your couples counselor saw you individually, which is not usually how these things go, and that they then told you to divorce your husband without explanation. That entire interaction sounds strange to me. When you write that he will not go back to therapy, I am assuming that the situation turned him off therapy altogether, including couples therapy. If that is not the case, find a different couples therapist and go. If it is, what can you do? You can\u2019t make him get the help that your relationship greatly needs. Having a discussion in which you state that you are considering separation\/divorce might help him see the gravity of the situation. It seems that might be one of the few tools that you have left. Consider using it.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I am a bisexual cis woman who\u2019s been married to a heterosexual cis man for the past three years (both in our mid-30s). Throughout our relationship, we have spoken openly about our sexuality, and while he\u2019s had some explorative experiences with men, he\u2019s been sure that he is straight. Over the past several months though, he\u2019s been making more explicit comments about men\u2019s bodies.<\/a><\/p>\n

    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Jessica and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":324516,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-324515","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-united-states","12":"tag-unitedstates","13":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115419293427147880","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=324515"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324515\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/324516"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=324515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=324515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=324515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}