{"id":333441,"date":"2025-10-26T08:40:21","date_gmt":"2025-10-26T08:40:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/333441\/"},"modified":"2025-10-26T08:40:21","modified_gmt":"2025-10-26T08:40:21","slug":"we-meet-up-for-weekly-family-dinners-at-my-parents-house-but-my-mom-refuses-to-follow-a-simple-rule-i-have-for-my-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/333441\/","title":{"rendered":"We meet up for weekly family dinners at my parents’ house. But my mom refuses to follow a simple rule I have for my family."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My parents are in their 70s and live around the corner. About once a week, we go to my parents\u2019 house for family time and dinner.<\/p>\n

My daughter is almost 2 and has a pretty strict bedtime; it becomes more difficult to get her to sleep if she goes past it. Here\u2019s the problem: No matter how hard I try, I can\u2019t get my mom to get dinner on the table early enough for us to get home in time for bedtime!<\/p>\n

I try to help her plan and make dinner, but even then, she\u2019ll get out the ingredients and just wait before she starts cooking. She works full-time and has always been bad at coming home on time, so getting the whole evening together to start sooner is not possible. She blames me for not adjusting our schedule (i.e., not letting our daughter stay up later \u201cjust\u201d one night a week or so). She has now declared that we just can\u2019t come over for dinner anymore, which is sad to me. Do you have a recommendation for solving this frustrating problem?<\/p>\n

\u2014Routines Are Important!<\/p>\n

Dear Routines,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I sympathize (very much) with your desire to keep your toddler\u2019s bedtime at an hour that works best for getting her to go to sleep. (Indeed, I\u2019m delighted for you that you have found the magic bullet for a stress-free bedtime! May it ever be so.) What you cannot do is make others, even your own mother, adhere to your schedule. This is unreasonable. (Yes, you are her daughter; you are also a guest in her house when you go over for dinner. Dinner guests do not get to dictate the time dinner will be served.)<\/p>\n

But your mother, too, is being unreasonable if she demands that you push back her granddaughter\u2019s bedtime for her sake (thus making your life more difficult). My generous interpretation of her putting off the start of cooking is that she doesn\u2019t want to miss that \u201cfamily time\u201d that occurs before dinner. Still: Why invite you to dinner, knowing that she won\u2019t get said dinner on the table until an hour that\u2019s too late for you?<\/p>\n

All of the above is why I am 99 percent certain this conflict isn\u2019t actually about dinner, but about 1) who\u2019s in charge;\u00a0 2) your mother\u2019s disapproval\u2014I\u2019m just guessing, but I\u2019ll eat my hat if I\u2019m wrong\u2014of your adherence to a strict routine for your child; and 3) your wanting her to prove that she trusts and supports you in your role as a parent. (And probably some other stuff I don\u2019t have enough information to guess at.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Michelle Herman
\n My Dad Remarried Very Soon After the Divorce. Turns Out, I Know His New Wife\u2014And It\u2019s the Ultimate Betrayal.
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    In any case, when it comes to the particular concrete issue you\u2019re dealing with (if not the sources of it, which I recommend also dealing with, forthrightly), you have three choices, as I see it: You can invite your parents to your house for dinner once a week, making and serving the meal on your schedule; you can propose to your mother that instead of her cooking for your family once a week, she allow you to bring a meal\u2014either home-cooked or picked up from a restaurant\u2014over to her house, and that she further allow you to serve it, so that dinner will be had on time; or you can dispense with a weekly extended family dinner altogether and instead invite your parents to join you for another activity once a week or so, perhaps during the day on the weekend, at a time that is convenient for you and works with your daughter\u2019s (also pretty strict, I imagine?) nap schedule.<\/p>\n

    You might even give your mom the choice between the three options\u2014or mix it up a bit and rotate among the three, week to week, depending on what works for all concerned. This would require both you and your mom to be more flexible than either of you has so far been inclined to be\u2014but perhaps this would be a good thing for all of you (including, in the long term, your daughter).<\/p>\n

    \u2014Michelle<\/p>\n

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