{"id":336298,"date":"2025-10-27T15:26:18","date_gmt":"2025-10-27T15:26:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/336298\/"},"modified":"2025-10-27T15:26:18","modified_gmt":"2025-10-27T15:26:18","slug":"i-control-my-parents-final-trust-my-brother-is-insisting-on-a-new-plan-for-the-money-or-else","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/336298\/","title":{"rendered":"I control my parents’ final trust. My brother is insisting on a new plan for the money, or else."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? <\/strong>Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/strong><\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

When my parents died, I became the trustee for the fund they established for my niece and nephew, who are my brother\u2019s kids. To say my brother isn\u2019t good with money is an understatement. He has blown so much money over the years that our parents paid his child support so he wouldn\u2019t lose his license and his kids would be supported.<\/p>\n

My niece and nephew are both in their early 20s now and successful with no college debt. I was planning to split the remainder of the trust between them.<\/p>\n

Then my brother called, who is in his 50s, called.<\/p>\n

He announced that his new girlfriend, who is three years older than his daughter, is pregnant. He says that the baby is \u201centitled\u201d to the rest of the trust because that is what our parents would have wanted.<\/p>\n

The age gap would be bad enough, but this new girlfriend treats my niece and nephew like shit. My niece attempted to reconcile with my brother yet again (they\u2019ve been estranged), only for the girlfriend to show up uninvited and basically grind on my brother\u2019s lap while they were at a public restaurant. My niece left, and the next day the girlfriend posted about how \u201cprudes\u201d don\u2019t understand true love. (My niece is openly asexual.) My nephew sent me the receipts and basically said if the girlfriend got any of the money that he and his sister would never talk to me again.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t stop loving my brother no matter how much of a screw-up he is, but this is blackmail. I don\u2019t even trust that this baby is his, but honestly, I don\u2019t want to manage this anymore. I will be pushing 80 by the time this kid is ready for college. I am tired, but part of me cringes at burning this last bridge.<\/p>\n

\u2014Tired<\/p>\n

Dear Tired,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll bet you\u2019re tired. This situation has you tied up in an emotional knot. But, it\u2019s easily untangled because your brother\u2019s behavior is so egregious.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with the obvious: Your brother is wrong. You\u2019re not managing \u201cthis\u201d anymore because there\u2019s nothing to manage here\u2014the trust terms dictate who the beneficiaries are, and unless your parents explicitly included \u201cfuture grandchildren\u201d in the trust language, this baby has no legal claim. Period.<\/p>\n

Reread the trust document. If it names your niece and nephew specifically (or even \u201cgrandchildren living at the time of death\u201d), then you have a fiduciary duty to honor those terms. But, if the trust only names your niece and nephew, or if it refers to living grandchildren at a specific point in time (say, when your last parent dies), then you don\u2019t need to include this baby.<\/p>\n

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    Remember: Your feelings about your brother, his threats, or his girlfriend\u2019s behavior are irrelevant to your legal obligations as trustee. Make that clear when you speak with your brother. Your brother calling this baby \u201centitled\u201d to funds designated for someone else isn\u2019t just wrong\u2014it\u2019s financial manipulation. His girlfriend\u2019s cruelty toward your niece and nephew should tell you everything about how any money would actually be used.<\/p>\n

    Your next step is the easy button: Distribute the trust according to its terms. If your niece and nephew are the named beneficiaries and they\u2019re of age, give them their inheritance. Your job as trustee will be complete and you can close out the trust.<\/p>\n

    If your brother retaliates by cutting you off, that\u2019s his choice. But understand: He\u2019s already burned bridges by demanding his children\u2019s inheritance for his new baby. You\u2019re not burning anything\u2014you\u2019re refusing to enable his dysfunction one more time. You can love your brother while still protecting what your parents intended for your niece and nephew. They\u2019re the ones who\u2019ve been responsible. They\u2019re the ones your parents set up this trust for. Honor that.<\/p>\n

    If you\u2019re uncertain about the trust language, consult an estate attorney immediately. But I suspect you already know what it says\u2014and what you need to do.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Ilyce<\/p>\n

    More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My mother-in-law spent my husband\u2019s inheritance when my father-in-law died. She retired when he died at the age of 53. Now, she lives off disability, her Social Security, his Social Security, and she lives lavishly. She buys 40 Stanley cups and orders every meal out. She constantly complains about how unfair her life is. I want to cut ties with her because we\u2019re struggling to afford our lives with one child and six figures of student loan debt. Her lifestyle just makes me despise her. <\/a><\/p>\n

    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":336299,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[600,64,246,255,1087,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-336298","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-family","11":"tag-personal-finance","12":"tag-relationships","13":"tag-slate-plus","14":"tag-united-states","15":"tag-unitedstates","16":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115446833646746207","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336298","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=336298"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336298\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/336299"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=336298"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=336298"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=336298"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}