{"id":350936,"date":"2025-11-02T19:08:13","date_gmt":"2025-11-02T19:08:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/350936\/"},"modified":"2025-11-02T19:08:13","modified_gmt":"2025-11-02T19:08:13","slug":"we-had-feral-group-sex-with-another-couple-he-ruined-it-for-everyone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/350936\/","title":{"rendered":"We had feral group sex with another couple. He ruined it for everyone."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say you\u2019re in a couple play situation where there is lots of alcohol involved and one husband is feral for the other guy\u2019s wife, to the exclusion of everything else. If his wife is upset by this, and there is almost zero chance the drinking will be less, it seems like continuing the play another time will just lead to more hurt. Is there a way through this? The husband is not interested in moving forward if his wife is hurt by his drunken behavior, but is it worth trying again if his intent is to be more conscious of how his wife is doing during play?<\/p>\n

\u2014Tunnel Vision<\/p>\n

Dear Tunnel Vision,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think the most prudent thing to do here is to consider what the emotional fallout will be if the same thing were to happen again. You\u2019ve written your letter in a hypothetical voice without identifying yourself, which is uncommon for this column, but I have a hunch that if you\u2019re in this configuration, you\u2019re the wife. If that is true, envision what a scenario will be like if your husband follows the same pattern. Will it be upsetting, devastating, relationship-upending? Something else? What exactly would you be risking if the worst-case scenario were to play out?<\/p>\n

One positive here is that the husband no longer can claim plausible deniability should he zero in on a single target and others\u2019 feelings catch strays in the process. He knows what happened last time. If alcohol clouded his judgement, he should take it upon himself to drink less\u2014if getting loaded in the presence of available alcohol (and nonmonogamous sex) is an inevitability, that may signal an issue with substances or a general discomfort with this kind of play. Both should be interrogated. I know people love to get drunk and screw, but if they have to get drunk to screw, they might want to think about why and consider other means of social lubrication.<\/p>\n

Another positive here is that he actively does not want to upset his wife again, which suggests he\u2019s learning. Now is the time for the wife to voice her boundaries and for him to accept them. If these are successfully adhered to, you will both have grown from a negative situation, perhaps rendering it all worth it.<\/p>\n

So, I say give him another chance unless you (I mean \u2026 the wife) are fairly sure that a repetition of the first time will cause irreparable damage. Obviously, he\u2019s extremely into another woman there and part of the point of this kind of play is for people to have their fun. But it truly should not be to the exclusion of everything else, including consideration for one\u2019s partner. If he truly cannot maintain that very meager standard, this kind of play should probably be taken off the table entirely. But you should also consider the fact that his interest for at least one other woman will likely endure whether you go forward and incorporate her into group sex or not. If the very fact of his attraction is bothersome or distracting, it may deserve a sober discussion and your own efforts to come to terms with it.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a gay man and I don\u2019t get any enjoyment from my penis during sex. I don\u2019t enjoy anal, either. I love closeness and intimacy, including kissing and cuddling, and I am happy to give orally, but getting my dick sucked does nothing for me, nor does penetrating another guy and nor does bottoming. None of it is uncomfortable and I enjoy giving pleasure to others, but none of it is as satisfying as masturbation.\u00a0Is there something wrong with me?<\/p>\n

\u2014(Not) My Pleasure<\/p>\n

Dear (Not) My Pleasure,<\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a good chance there\u2019s nothing \u201cwrong\u201d with you here. Maybe this is just how you are, and all the psychological searching you can muster (alone and\/or with a therapist) won\u2019t give you any answers. Maybe you just know what you like and what you don\u2019t. Giving pleasure is a great thing, and there are guys who identify as cocksuckers who know this well. If masturbation is your primary vehicle for pleasure, maybe you\u2019re a bator. Maybe you are somewhere on the asexuality spectrum (some deep thinking on the subject, by reading a book like Angela Chen\u2019s Ace<\/a> or browsing\/participating in the discussion at r\/asexuality<\/a> could be useful). Maybe none of these labels appeal to you. My sense is that you\u2019re navigating your body\u2019s responses to sex very well and still finding activities that are fun. If you can be at peace with where you are sexually, that\u2019s more than can be said for a lot of people.<\/p>\n

If, however, this is distressing and something you\u2019d like to work on changing, definitely seek the services of a therapist (preferably a sex therapist, or even a sex coach) who can help you sort out whether these feelings might be a response to something that\u2019s happened in your life or just a regular facet of your particular sexuality. There are no guarantees that you will be changed by the process\u2014nor do I think you need to be\u2014but the more you think about it and the more you attempt to work on it, the more likely such a change will occur. We can\u2019t say for certain what\u2019s going on from here, but if you\u2019ve exhausted all potential reasons and this continues to bother you, you may want to look into whether what you\u2019re experiencing is sexual anhedonia, a condition marked by an inability to feel sexual pleasure. It has many potential causes<\/a>, physical (like low testosterone, neurological issues, or medication) and psychological (depression, performance anxiety), alike. A visit to a doctor, hopefully one with whom you are comfortable discussing sex, may be illuminating. Let them know what\u2019s going on, as they may want to run tests.<\/p>\n

Send Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My boyfriend and I are both very ass-eating curious\u2014especially him! He\u2019s been begging to try this since early on in our relationship. I\u2019ve always hesitated because it took me a while to open up to and get comfortable with being eaten out in the first place. With butt stuff, I\u2019m especially nervous because of cleanliness issues even after a shower. What if it smells or he gets dirty or it\u2019s gross! I don\u2019t want to turn him off entirely! But I also admit I\u2019m curious about it and think I could be into it. How do I get past my fears and give this a shot?<\/p>\n

\u2014Backdoor Curious<\/p>\n

Dear Backdoor Curious,<\/strong><\/p>\n

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    A shower, in most cases, is sufficient prep for rimming. Things that may complicate this solution include stray hairs that poop can cling to (especially if you are less than thorough with your wash) and fecal incontinence. If you have no reason to suspect you experience the latter (and you\u2019d know), you\u2019re already ahead of the game. To keep things extra tidy, you can trim the hair around your hole (I personally trust the Philips Norelco OneBlade Intimate<\/a>, as it\u2019s never nicked me unlike virtually every other shaver I\u2019ve used, even ones marketed for \u201cintimate\u201d areas). I think some would douche in a situation like this, though it\u2019s probably overkill in your case. Still, if you fear there\u2019s any poop lingering around your rectum that may present itself during play, washing out a few times with water (filter it if you\u2019re using tap and the water in your area isn\u2019t suited for drinking) with a small bulb (like this one<\/a>) may help you feel hygienically secure. Regular fiber supplementation via psyllium husk could also help quell your fears. It helps bulk stool, often leaving little to none behind after a bowel movement.<\/p>\n

    If he is so excited about eating your ass, he likely realizes what may come with it. A mishap is unlikely to turn him off entirely. Or if it does, then you\u2019d be no worse off than you are now\u2014at least you will have tried this thing that you\u2019re both curious about. So try to put those concerns out of your mind if you\u2019re going to go forward with this. Probably the most effective thing you can do is just go through with it\u2014take necessary steps to clean yourself as much as possible and let him have at it. You may gain a lot of confidence and security when the ass eating goes off without a hitch. It\u2019ll show you that you can do this and make next time even easier to get into. Of course, if you do feel discomfort, unclean or any kind of vague negativity, you have every right to stop the session, but I would follow my curiosity if I were you.<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    This might sound odd, but I\u2019m a 35-year-old woman, and I just found out that the female screaming orgasms you see in movies aren\u2019t actually typical. That\u2019s because I\u2019m lucky enough to orgasm in that way. Occasionally, I\u2019ll have an enjoyable orgasm that\u2019s a little more restrained. But for the most part, I\u2019m full-on Meg Ryan in the restaurant scene in\u00a0When Harry met Sally, except mine is real and not at all a performance. I realize this is the opposite of a problem. However, my question is: Have most or even all of my partners assumed I\u2019m probably faking it?<\/a><\/p>\n

    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Stoya and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":350937,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-350936","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-united-states","12":"tag-unitedstates","13":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115481680931080815","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350936","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=350936"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350936\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/350937"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=350936"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=350936"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=350936"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}