{"id":369240,"date":"2025-11-10T13:27:13","date_gmt":"2025-11-10T13:27:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/369240\/"},"modified":"2025-11-10T13:27:13","modified_gmt":"2025-11-10T13:27:13","slug":"my-first-girlfriend-is-now-a-part-of-my-family-its-going-to-send-women-running","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/369240\/","title":{"rendered":"My first girlfriend is now a part of my family. It’s going to send women running."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cTara\u201d was my first girlfriend from eighth grade until we graduated. Her home life was really, really horrible.<\/p>\n

So she ended up moving in full-time with my family when we were 15. I had already fallen out of love with her, but felt guilty, so we went through the motions until graduation. I went to college; Tara stayed living at home.<\/p>\n

Long story short: My parents officially adopted Tara while I was in college, with my blessings. She was already calling them mom and dad, and my parents always wanted another kid. Tara and I messed around but never had sex. I consider her like a cousin at this point and would call her my foster sister when asked about my family. My dilemma is that I am ready for a long-term relationship, and I don\u2019t want to lie, but telling someone my first girlfriend was my adoptive sister, who still lives with our parents, isn\u2019t the best icebreaker.<\/p>\n

    \n
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    We Invite My Daughter\u2019s Whole Class to Her Birthday Parties. There\u2019s One Type of RSVP Text I Dread.
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    I also had bad experiences of falling for girls who seemed cool with me being friends with my exes (I never really had a bad breakup), and it turned into a big deal. I\u2019d be in a month-long relationship where I would accept going out for drinks with old friends, my ex would be there, and then I\u2019d get grilled when I got home. So, what do I do about the Tara situation here?<\/p>\n

    \u2014Ready to Settle Down<\/p>\n

    Dear Ready to Settle Down,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Things become weird when you make it weird. Families are formed in all kinds of ways, and maybe this is because I\u2019m 40, but I wouldn\u2019t be weirded out if I were dating someone in this situation. I would, however, feel strange if the information wasn\u2019t disclosed. Going about it that way would make it feel like some kind of dirty secret when it doesn\u2019t have to be at all.<\/p>\n

    When you start dating and getting serious with someone again, be honest about who Tara was to you and who she is to you now. Be open and don\u2019t keep any secrets or tell any half-truths. The truth will pop up later, which is what makes for arguments.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    \n Arionne Nettles
    \n We Moved In to Help My Brother With His Kids. But the Aftermath Is Proving to Be Much More Difficult.
    \n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

    <\/a><\/p>\n

    Also, keep in mind that you\u2019re both adults now. Being friends with adult exes and teen exes is a bit different in most situations. But especially in this one. Anyone you are dating now shouldn\u2019t see your relationship with Tara and you being around her in the same way they would see you going out for drinks with a recent ex.<\/p>\n

    The key here will be ensuring that your future girlfriend feels secure in her relationship with you. Some of this will, of course, involve her being a good match and not having unrelated insecurities that sneak in. But build a relationship with her that is based on that honesty and openness, and when she feels safe in her connection with you, it\u2019s less likely she\u2019ll be upset just at the thought of you being around someone you really only see in a familial way.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Arionne<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I have two teenage sons just less than two years apart in age.\u00a0The elder boy is and has always been intense, with a powerful drive for mastery in whatever activity he tries and an almost painful need to know and understand.\u00a0He was one of those toddlers who peppers his parents every waking hour with \u201cwhy\u201d questions, and in some sense,\u00a0he never outgrew that phase.\u00a0He\u2019s a smart kid and does well in school\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":369241,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[159,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-369240","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-science","9":"tag-slate-plus","10":"tag-united-states","11":"tag-unitedstates","12":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115525639039738763","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=369240"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369240\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/369241"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=369240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=369240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=369240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}