{"id":38830,"date":"2025-07-04T19:24:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-04T19:24:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/38830\/"},"modified":"2025-07-04T19:24:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-04T19:24:10","slug":"my-ex-and-i-hooked-up-and-one-part-of-him-seemed-smaller","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/38830\/","title":{"rendered":"My ex and I hooked up, and one part of him seemed \u2026 smaller."},"content":{"rendered":"

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the How to Do It archives to share classic letters with our readers.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Jessica<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>and<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hooked up with an ex-boyfriend after five years, and we started to get to it until we realized neither he nor I had condoms. After he left, I was kind of stumped, as his dick seemed much smaller than it had when we were dating. He had lost about 30 pounds and everything I could find said most penises seem larger because of the loss of fat at the base of the pubis, not the opposite. And it didn\u2019t just seem shorter, but less thick. Does aging do anything to shrink it, or was it just a psychological trick, me remembering it as bigger? Since we never did anything more, I could never judge if it might have felt the same, and the opportunity has never arisen to try to get together again. Since then, he met someone else, so I probably won\u2019t have the opportunity to ever find out either. Do you know if this is possible, or am I cray-cray?<\/p>\n

\u2014Missing Inches<\/p>\n

Dear Missing,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shrinkage is, indeed, a thing<\/a>\u2014and it can be way longer lasting than the situational kind described on Seinfeld<\/a>. Usually the change isn\u2019t too drastic, but it may be observable to the eagle-eyed connoisseur. There are a few known causes for this, which include Peyronie\u2019s disease, weight gain, and prostate surgery. Another culprit: erectile dysfunction. In these cases, \u201cthe thought is that the shrinkage occurs due to the loss of spontaneous and nocturnal erections,\u201d explained Dr. Charles Welliver, director of men\u2019s health at Albany Medical College. \u201cThis more frequent nourishing blood keeps the penis healthy. The every-so-often erections guys get for intercourse (on average most people have sex once a week) wouldn\u2019t be enough to support good penile health and would lead to the shrinkage. The length maintenance is more about the erections and semi-elections (chubs if you will) that happen when not having sex.\u201d Welliver actually discussed this topic in more detail, including ways of treating such shrinkage, on an upcoming episode of the How to Do It podcast on the specific topic of \u201cCOVID dick.\u201d<\/a> So be on the lookout for that one.<\/p>\n

So, it\u2019s possible that your ex has lost some girth. It\u2019s also possible that you\u2019re misremembering. I\u2019ve done that\u2014every once in a while I\u2019ll catch a FWB on the long lap and I\u2019ll be slapped in the face with the realization that my memory was extremely generous with the inches. Again, it could be that your ex experienced one of the aforementioned conditions in the intervening time, but it could also be the rose-colored funhouse mirror of nostalgia coming from inside of you.<\/p>\n

\u2014Rich Juzwiak<\/p>\n

From: I\u2019m Afraid My Boyfriend Is Showing Me Who He Really Is While He\u2019s Asleep<\/a>. (Dec. 26, 2021).<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My partner of nearly two years gave me gonorrhea through oral sex. Once I had tested positive I got him to test and it was found in his throat. He told me he had suffered on and off with sore throats for some time. We have had plenty of oral sex previously and I\u2019ve always been ok. Is it possible he cheated or could this have been lying dormant for well over a year?<\/p>\n

\u2014Am I With a Cheater?<\/p>\n

Dear Am I With a Cheater,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Once again I am roped into a game that I would generally not elect to play, but am compelled to as a result of this job: Spot the Cheater. I wouldn\u2019t be comfortable even taking a stab here without some hard data, so I come bearing it: Researchers in a 2021 study<\/a> published in the Clinical Infectious Diseases journal found by analyzing 21 pharyngeal gonorrhea infections, that the estimated median duration of untreated infections was 16.3 weeks. Quite short of the \u201cwell over a year\u201d that you\u2019re inquiring about. Many infections cleared spontaneously in much shorter time periods, or so suggest the numbers.<\/p>\n

Keep in mind that data on this are scant, primarily because of the ethical barriers in monitoring untreated infections. This study overcame those hurdles by having the men who participated (who all had sex with men) swab themselves on a weekly basis, and then those results were frozen and not tested until the participants had completed the 48-week study. They were told to be screened for STDs as usual, and many were treated with antibiotics over the course of the experiment, as the study notes.<\/p>\n

For another layer of certainty\u2014the condom unrolled over our proverbial PrEP bottle if you will\u2014I consulted with some experts. Dr. Lindley Barbee, the lead author on that study, as well as a professor at the University of Washington and the medical director of public health at the Seattle and King County Sexual Health Clinic, pointed out in an email that, \u201cpharyngeal GC usually doesn\u2019t produce many symptoms, so if you equate dormancy with symptom status, it is pretty much a \u2018dormant infection\u2019 by definition. Definitely will only be found if tested.\u201d Barbee also emphasized that her study should be taken for what it is\u2014a series of observations. \u201cThere could certainly be longer infections, but that has not been observed,\u201d she wrote. Finally, Barbee reminds us to keep in mind that gonorrhea may be spread via kissing<\/a>. If extracurricular make-out sessions are allowed in your arrangement, that could potentially be one pathway.<\/p>\n

I also spoke with Dr. H. Hunter Handsfield<\/a>, professor emeritus, University of Washington, and a nationally recognized STD expert. \u201cTwo years is an awfully long time,\u201d he told me by phone. \u201cI would be skeptical if someone said they had pharyngeal gonorrhea for two years, and only now transmitted it to his or her partner.\u201d OK, to cover our bases, let\u2019s be conservative, I said. How about one year? \u201cOne year is also unlikely,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Handsfield also pointed out that the majority of pharyngeal cases of gonorrhea present no symptoms. \u201cMost people have no clue anything is wrong. My guess is this has nothing to do with [the partner\u2019s] sore throats,\u201d said Handsfield. (Though, sore throats can certainly be symptoms <\/a>of oral gonorrhea.)<\/p>\n

So, there you have it. It\u2019s not looking good for your partner\u2019s veracity. Only he knows what he\u2019s been up to, but at least now you have your own information to check his against.<\/p>\n

\u2014R.J.<\/p>\n

From: Every Time a Girlfriend Learns My Secret From My College Years \u2026 Things Get Awkward<\/a> (Aug. 17, 2022).\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do it,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband and I have been married for 28 years. We have always had a good sex life and companionship. We went through a bit of a hard time when we had stage three cancer, but we got through and now he always says if we can get through that we can get through anything. We have always had kids in our lives, as I brought a child from a previous relationship with me and had one of our own shortly after.<\/p>\n

Recently, I found instant messages from another woman. Needless to say, I was stunned and hurt. My husband says it was just \u201cchatting\u201d and nothing happened nor did he want anything to happen. I was just recently diagnosed with endometriosis and the timing of this couldn\u2019t be worse. I felt like I wasn\u2019t good enough, pretty enough, that my disease (despite the fact I stood by him when he had his) was getting in the way. He said that wasn\u2019t the case, and it was just a \u201cmistake\u201d and since it upset me so much he would stop and not do it again.<\/p>\n

But since that happened, I feel a \u201cdisconnect\u201d with him. I still enjoy being with him, but can\u2019t look or feel the same way about him. I know he didn\u2019t physically cheat on me, but it still feels like a betrayal. He\u2019s hot and cold\u2014I never know what he\u2019s thinking now. It just seems like we can\u2019t get on the same page since this happened. What do I do? I really don\u2019t want a divorce or open marriage.<\/p>\n

\u2014Chatty Husband<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Allison Price
\n My Husband Refused to Throw Out His Old \u201cCollectibles.\u201d Now Our Son Is Paying the Price.
\n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Chatty,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Brother-in-Law Refuses to Wear Clothes in My House. But My Sister\u2019s Response Is Even More Revealing
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    My Sister Asked Me for a Massive Favor. My Response Might Ruin Our Relationship Forever.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    I\u2019m a Speech Therapist. I Warned My Cousin About Her Child. Now Look Where We\u2019ve Ended Up.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n <\/p>\n

    My Mother-in-Law Thinks I Should Prove That Her Son Is Our Baby\u2019s Father. This Is Beyond.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    He did betray you, and I hope that he adequately apologized\u2014his vowing to stop the behavior is a good sign, but your letter describes him as downplaying his transgression. Hopefully, he acknowledges the pain he\u2019s caused you. But even then, you still won\u2019t be out of the woods. Time is often necessary to rebuild trust\u2014it is one thing for a (roughly) unfaithful partner to apologize, it is another thing to atone. That means living the apology. I suspect this is too new for the trust to have been rebuilt (and certainly his hot and cold attitude is no help in that matter). If you want to see this through, trusting him may look like a suspension of disbelief for a while. You have to go out on a limb and actively engage in the process of trusting him as you once did\u2014provided that he warrants such mental heavy lifting. Reminding yourself of the fact that you trust him and why you\u2019re with him at all may be useful. The disconnect is not great. I suspect he\u2019s dealing with a good amount of shame and perhaps cannot quite embrace the full extent of his offense. He should, though, and you might want to look into counseling. An impartial third party could help you both see the other person\u2019s perspective and get you that much closer to being on the same page again.<\/p>\n

    \u2014R.J.<\/p>\n

    From: Crashing the Night With My Cousin Turned Into Something \u2026 More<\/a>. (Sept. 14, 2022).<\/p>\n

    More Sex Advice From Slate<\/strong><\/p>\n

    I do not fit inside my girlfriend. It\u2019s giving her dysphoria and frustrating both of us. I\u2019ve been fortunate to have larger than average parts, but it\u2019s never been a problem before with other partners. Despite our best efforts at communication and adaptation\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the How to Do It…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":38831,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,31195,210,5598,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-38830","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dating-and-relationships","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-sex","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/114796604078379460","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38830","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=38830"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38830\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/38831"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=38830"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=38830"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=38830"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}