extreme emotional upheavals<\/a>, her sessions are often focused on the holidays.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/0075_ARV00951ed.jpg\")
Julia Hoffman is a therapist in Dallas who specializes in familial relationships. <\/p>\n
\t\t\t\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re thankful for you. Are you thankful for us?\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n
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\u201cOld family patterns replay in a high-stress setting with expectations of perfection layered on top,\u201d says Hoffman when describing the upcoming gauntlet of gatherings. \u201cStressors all collide under one roof.\u201d <\/p>\n
To avoid collateral damage, she has specific strategies for many of the most dreaded situations that can arise during family holidays. But first, she advises, \u201cThe energy you bring matters more than perfection. Assume the same family dynamics will show up, and go in with a plan for how you\u2019ll respond, not how you\u2019ll change others.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Pass on the Politics, Obviously<\/strong><\/p>\nThe situation:<\/strong> What started with some banter about current events has created a War of the Worlds at the dinner table, and you\u2019re stuck between political rival relatives.<\/p>\nThe strategy: <\/strong>Though the rule to stay apolitical in polite chit-chat may seem like common sense, every year we still end up playing referee as we pass the potatoes. In this situation, Hoffman advises a direct approach. \u201cIf you don\u2019t want politics at the dinner table, make it clear up front,\u201d she says, adding, \u201cYou can even post a sign at the front door.\u201d If your family insists on debating something, she recommends playing team trivia after dinner or another game to allow an outlet for friendly rivalries.\u201d<\/p>\nDismiss Drunk and Disorderlies<\/strong><\/p>\nThe situation:<\/strong> Last year, that one cousin had too many spiked egg nogs and lost his Christmas cookies under the tree.\u00a0<\/p>\nThe strategy: <\/strong>This year, Hoffman recommends transparent honesty with your family member. \u201cLast year was upsetting for both of us, so tonight, let\u2019s use a code word. If you are too intoxicated after one warning, the plan will be to use the code word and call you an Uber home. I love you and want you to be safe and healthy.\u201d Alternatively, you may choose to limit the availability of alcohol entirely by offering guests a single low-ABV welcome drink, or by serving wine with dinner \u2014 not both, and no open bar.<\/p>\nNavigating Split Decisions<\/strong><\/p>\nThe situation: <\/strong>Your presence is requested (or demanded) at a festive brunch, leisurely lunch and two sit-down dinners \u2014 all on the same holiday.<\/p>\nThe strategy: <\/strong>Whether your parents are divorced, your family is feuding, or you\u2019re the separated co-parent, criss-crossing the metro to attend multiple gatherings is exhausting. It also tends to leave everyone disappointed, no matter what. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to feel bad about leaving early or choosing one destination \u2014 everyone who loves you wants you to enjoy the holiday,\u201d says Hoffman. \u201cI like to advocate for \u2018do what\u2019s best for you,\u2019 because if you\u2019re fried by driving all over town, you\u2019re not going to bring good energy to the gathering anyway.\u201d In other words, in this situation, you have permission from a therapist to set the boundaries. <\/p>\nManage the Martyrs<\/strong><\/p>\nThe situation: <\/strong>Aunt Debbie Does-it-All is in charge of everything, every year, and don\u2019t you forget it.<\/p>\nThe strategy: <\/strong>When someone takes on all the responsibility during the holidays, whether voluntarily or out of a sense of obligation, it can be difficult to break the cycle. What\u2019s more, this can leave folks feeling left out and not invested in the celebration. Hoffman recommends that we \u201cfirst respect the host\u201d and avoid bringing anything into the home that makes more work for them. (We might add that this advice applies to negative attitudes and high-maintenance side dishes alike.) And, if the host is truly overwhelmed by it all, whisper these four magic words in their ear: \u201cI\u2019ll do the dishes.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\nWhen All Else Fails, Bow Out Gracefully<\/strong><\/p>\nFinally, Hoffman concludes with three quick scripts for those times when you absolutely, positively, just can\u2019t get in the spirit. At least, not with the entire cast of your family\u2019s take on Christmas Vacation.<\/p>\n
Quick and Easy: <\/strong>\u201cUnfortunately, we can\u2019t make it this year, but I hope it\u2019s a wonderful celebration.\u201d<\/p>\nTruthful But Kind: <\/strong>\u201cI love you and value our time together. This year, we need to keep things simple for our family. I hope you understand.\u201d<\/p>\nKick It Down the Road:<\/strong> \u201cWe can\u2019t be there, but I\u2019d love to plan a get-together in January once things settle down.\u201d<\/p>\nGood luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dealing with family during the holidays requires bringing in the professionals. Adobe Stock If we\u2019ve learned nothing else…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":404590,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5135],"tags":[5229,1596,7709,168029,358,3187,67,586,132,5230,68,2969,3149],"class_list":{"0":"post-404589","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-dallas","8":"tag-america","9":"tag-dallas","10":"tag-holidays","11":"tag-kids-family","12":"tag-texas","13":"tag-tx","14":"tag-united-states","15":"tag-united-states-of-america","16":"tag-unitedstates","17":"tag-unitedstatesofamerica","18":"tag-us","19":"tag-usa","20":"tag-wellness"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115612783484295340","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=404589"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404589\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/404590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=404589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=404589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=404589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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