{"id":46666,"date":"2025-07-07T18:49:11","date_gmt":"2025-07-07T18:49:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/46666\/"},"modified":"2025-07-07T18:49:11","modified_gmt":"2025-07-07T18:49:11","slug":"i-want-to-help-my-family-through-a-medical-emergency-but-not-like-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/46666\/","title":{"rendered":"I want to help my family through a medical emergency. But not like this."},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi Advice readers! Have you ever thought about writing into Care and Feeding? Now\u2019s the time\u2014our inbox is in need of more questions! Conundrums big and small are welcome, and of course, it\u2019s anonymous.\u00a0Submit your family and parenting questions to Care and Feeding here<\/strong><\/a>. (Or your questions about anything else to our\u00a0<\/strong>other columns here<\/strong><\/a>.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My brother and his wife live nearby, and our kids get along well. We definitely have different parenting styles, but we talk through them. We\u2019re comfortable with this, and we often host each other\u2019s children for the day. There\u2019s one major difference: Our kids (ages 3 and 5) are sleep trained, but my brother and sister-in-law never sleep trained their 5-year-old son, \u201cPete.\u201d They\u2019ve mentioned having to get up with him several times a night. Pete seems fine otherwise, and since it was their choice, I left it alone.<\/p>\n

But now that\u2019s changing. They\u2019ve asked us to take Pete for a while when his baby brother is born, and we haven\u2019t really said \u201cyes\u201d because we\u2019re trying to figure out how to handle it. My SIL is in her third trimester and found out that the birth will be complicated. Their baby will, at minimum, spend time in the NICU. It\u2019s scary, and we\u2019re all hoping everything goes well.<\/p>\n

It feels cruel to tell them to sleep train a 5-year-old in the last months of a difficult pregnancy, or else we can\u2019t babysit him. But it also won\u2019t get easier once the baby is born. If it were only two or three nights, we\u2019d manage, but we\u2019re probably going to be caring for Pete for longer stretches in that first month, unless the birth goes miraculously well. My husband\u2019s work shifts mean sleep is precious in our household. I\u2019m usually the nighttime parent, and I cannot be getting up multiple times every night, outside of emergencies and regular parenting stuff.
All this will already be a series of hard transitions for Pete. How do we approach the conversation with my brother and SIL?<\/p>\n

\u2014(Not) Up All Night<\/p>\n

Dear Not Up,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

As tricky as this is, your brother and his wife are in an emergency medical situation they neither asked for nor planned for. This is a time when you need to step up. You don\u2019t have to turn your own life totally upside down, but you should be prepared to make some adjustments or concessions. By asking questions and setting expectations now, you can help make the transition smoother for everyone. So, go ahead and say yes, but ask for a chat about the specifics of what caring for Pete might actually look like. For example:<\/p>\n