{"id":469449,"date":"2025-12-24T20:32:15","date_gmt":"2025-12-24T20:32:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/469449\/"},"modified":"2025-12-24T20:32:15","modified_gmt":"2025-12-24T20:32:15","slug":"ever-since-we-had-a-baby-my-wife-says-one-part-of-sex-is-off-limits-it-makes-no-sense","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/469449\/","title":{"rendered":"Ever since we had a baby, my wife says one part of sex is off limits. It makes no sense."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife and I used to attend sex parties all the time. Ever since she got pregnant, that came to a halt. Our son is now nearly a year old, and I\u2019m really eager to return to the scene.<\/p>\n

However, she says that because we have a kid now, that chapter of our lives needs to remain closed. It\u2019s not like we would be hosting parties at our place, and the fact that we have a kid seems neither here nor there in terms of going back to what we were doing. How can I ease her hang-ups?<\/p>\n

\u2014Ready to Party On<\/p>\n

Dear Ready to Party On,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! There\u2019s a Nasty Rumor Spreading About My Marriage. My Mother-in-Law Called Us in Tears.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Regardless of the fact that you\u2019ll likely creep into coercion territory, convincing a person to have sex they aren\u2019t comfortable with is a recipe for destroying your relationship. You don\u2019t ease your wife\u2019s hang-ups. You respect her current boundaries. Where you\u2019re saying your son is nearly a year old, I\u2019m seeing a woman who is not even a year out from giving birth for the first time. Your wife\u2019s position might change again if you can exercise patience. If you push the subject, though, you\u2019re likely to create distance, resentment, and a rigid and eternal \u201cno\u201d on this practice.<\/p>\n

    It feels telling that you omit any mention of what your wife\u2019s reasons are for her decision. OK, yes, because the two of you have a child, but is this about fear of STIs? Does the fact of motherhood mean a change in the boundaries of what she considers acceptable conduct? Has something about the physical and hormonal process of pregnancy changed her relationship to her body or her desires? Is it that time with your infant, or protecting precious sleep, is a higher priority, and sex parties interfere with that? It doesn\u2019t seem like you have this information, and it does seem like you\u2019ve assumed one (probably not the actual case) reason and immediately dismissed it. If you do want to understand your wife\u2019s reasoning, ask her with genuine curiosity. Those answers are likely to help you come to terms with this particular manifestation of the fact that your lives are profoundly different now, because they need to be.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    \n Rich Juzwiak
    \n My Boyfriend Has a Gross Reaction to My Bathroom Trips. Every Time It Happens, I Silently Scream.
    \n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

    <\/a><\/p>\n

    It also might help to understand what you\u2019re missing about these parties. What are the emotional needs that were being met? Excitement? Novelty? Attention? Can you come up with potential ways to satisfy those desires while staying within your wife\u2019s boundaries? This can be a second conversation. If you\u2019re able to really hear your wife, and she\u2019s able to feel that you\u2019re hearing her, there will probably be at least some room for compromise and negotiation. This has to be collaborative, though, and you\u2019ll be wise to proceed cautiously, gently, and with grace extended regarding how she may be reacting to the massive life experience she\u2019s just been through.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Jessica<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    Recently, my long-term boyfriend got me a new dildo. It\u2019s pale green, fairly large, and has stylized eyes painted onto it. I thought it looked freaky, but he thought it was funny and it went to live on the rack with most of our other sex toys near the bed. It\u2019s never actually been used for any sexual activity, but I thought I\u2019d try it under the right circumstances\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Stoya and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":469450,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-469449","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-slate-plus","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115776451675837881","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/469449","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=469449"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/469449\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/469450"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=469449"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=469449"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=469449"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}