A lot of couples fight over money or argue over who pays for what, especially in a world where the \u201cman\u201d is no longer the sole \u201cbreadwinner.\u201d But what does \u201cfair\u201d really look like in today\u2019s society \u2014 and when might a marriage counselor (or divorce) be in order?<\/p>\n
Take the hypothetical example of Nick and Katia. Nick works in finance and makes $700,000 a year, while Katia works for the federal government and earns an annual salary of $90,000. They\u2019ve been married for 10 years and have no kids.<\/p>\n
Each month, Katia puts $1,100 into a joint account for their fixed expenses \u2014 they own a large house and two cars \u2014 while Nick contributes $6,500. Nick also picks up any extra bills and entertainment, such as dinners out, and pays for their vacations.<\/p>\n
While they have a cleaner who comes by once a week, Katia takes care of all the cooking and daily household chores, such as washing the dishes, grocery shopping and going to the dry cleaners. She even files their taxes.<\/p>\n
Still, Nick doesn\u2019t value the work that Katia does around the house and believes she\u2019s not pulling her weight in the marriage because she doesn\u2019t bring in enough money.<\/p>\n
Ideally, he wants to split the household costs evenly, even though he makes significantly more money, and consider what is left of their discretionary income. And because he makes more money, Nick likes to exert his control over Katia\u2019s discretionary spending.<\/p>\n
Katia would like to discuss their finances and plan for the future, but Nick refuses. Now Katia is wondering if their way of handling finances is normal and what\u2019s fair when it comes to splitting household expenses.<\/p>\n
Married couples handle finances differently \u2014 and this has been changing over time.<\/p>\n
In 2023 (the most recent date for which census data is available), 23% of married couples didn\u2019t share any joint bank accounts (1), which is up from 15% in 1996 (2). The most common setup, accounting for about two in five couples, is to have only a joint account, although this has become less prevalent since the late \u201990s.<\/p>\n
While the data doesn\u2019t reveal how expenses are handled, 17% of couples approach their finances the way Nick and Katia do \u2014 with each spouse maintaining an individual account in addition to having a joint account. This setup has grown in popularity over the past couple of decades [2], including among non-married couples in committed relationships [3].<\/p>\n
Story Continues <\/p>\n
Many experts agree that the way couples share their money comes down to personal preference. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to have an answer that\u2019s going to be the same for each couple about what is fair,\u201d social psychologist Michael Kraus, an associate professor of organizational behavior at Yale University, told CNBC.(3)<\/p>\n
That said, plenty of financial advisors recommend couples split household expenses proportionally rather than 50-50. That means splitting expenses according to each person\u2019s income level and other household contributions. This strategy can be revisited each year or when one partner gets a new job or a windfall, such as an inheritance.<\/p>\n
Ultimately, any payment structure can be considered fair \u2014 so long as both parties are okay with it. The focus isn\u2019t necessarily on equal contributions but what\u2019s equitable considering each partner\u2019s salary and net worth.<\/p>\n
Read More: This is the quiet portfolio shift many wealthy investors are making in 2026<\/a>. Should you consider it too?<\/strong><\/p>\n The key to moving forward together is ensuring that both partners agree on their financial goals and communicate regularly. Failure to do so can lead to financial infidelity (4) \u2014 where couples lie or keep financial secrets from each other \u2014 and potentially even contribute to divorce. (5)<\/p>\n Having these conversations can be difficult. To help, Fidelity Viewpoints suggests couples give each other \u201cfull disclosure of your finances as early as appropriate in your relationship (including all debts, assets, income and expenses).\u201d (6)<\/p>\n Fidelity also suggests choosing the \u201ctime, place and agenda for your money conversations carefully\u201d \u2014 not when you\u2019re tired or rushed \u2014 and focusing on shared goals.<\/p>\n If one partner, like Nick, isn\u2019t willing to have these conversations, a bigger problem may be at play and the couple may need to seek professional help.<\/p>\n For example, Nick wants Katia to make more money, but he doesn\u2019t seem to care whether she enjoys her current job or whether it comes with good benefits and a pension.<\/p>\n In this case, it appears the couple has a difference in values, not just different money mindsets.<\/p>\n Katia and Nick may want to consider speaking with a financial advisor, who could help them get a view of what\u2019s equitable, how to define their shared goals and how they can work together to reach those shared goals.<\/p>\n When one partner isn\u2019t willing to budge, like Nick, it may be helpful to consult a financial therapist, a certified professional who helps people understand how they feel and behave around money and make changes if necessary.<\/p>\n A financial therapist may be able to facilitate a respectful, open conversation and help the couple come to an agreement as to what is fair.<\/p>\n For this couple, it sounds like there are issues beyond finances, such as Nick\u2019s lack of respect for Katia\u2019s other contributions to the household and his need to dictate how she spends her money, that a financial therapist or even a marriage counselor could help them address.<\/p>\n We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines<\/a>.<\/p>\n U.S. Census Bureau (1<\/a>); (2<\/a>); Pew CNBC (3<\/a>); Bankrate (4<\/a>); National Library of Medicine (5<\/a>); Fidelity (6<\/a>).<\/p>\n This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A lot of couples fight over money or argue over who pays for what, especially in a world…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":476131,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[64,525,215712,215711,70130,215710,164948,83770,10604,255,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-476130","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-business","9":"tag-finance","10":"tag-fixed-expenses","11":"tag-household-expenses","12":"tag-joint-account","13":"tag-katia","14":"tag-marriage-counselor","15":"tag-married-couples","16":"tag-nick","17":"tag-personal-finance","18":"tag-united-states","19":"tag-unitedstates","20":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/115794731518780614","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476130","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=476130"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476130\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/476131"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=476130"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=476130"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=476130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}