{"id":68003,"date":"2025-07-16T20:03:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-16T20:03:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/68003\/"},"modified":"2025-07-16T20:03:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-16T20:03:10","slug":"my-wife-wants-to-have-more-sex-but-ive-discovered-a-much-easier-way-to-get-my-fix","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/68003\/","title":{"rendered":"My wife wants to have more sex. But I’ve discovered a much easier way to get my fix."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Jessica and Rich here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m in a loving relationship with a woman I absolutely adore. We have sex two to three times a week, and it\u2019s wonderful. But I\u2019ve been using AI tools for masturbation nearly every day. It\u2019s just so easy to explore wacky and fun scenarios (specifically in the fantasy and sci-fi genres) that I\u2019ve found it dividing my attention from my girlfriend. I feel selfish and immature for not giving her all of my desire, and she\u2019s told me she would like to have more sex. I really don\u2019t know how to feel about this. Your perspective would be greatly appreciated.<\/p>\n

\u2014AI Sloppy Seconds<\/p>\n

Dear AI Sloppy Seconds,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to circumvent getting into the specific ethics of AI from an environmental\/representational level because that\u2019s not really what this column is about. Plus, you\u2019re probably hearing about AI ethical concerns <\/a>everywhere these days<\/a> (and if you\u2019ve somehow missed the discourse, you can get up to speed on Slate<\/a>). I think AI\u2019s only going to become more integrated in our culture, whether we like it or not. So I\u2019m accepting it as a given and treating it here like garden-variety porn, as you\u2019re using it as a masturbation aid and the content is basically immaterial, or at least not nearly as important as its role as said aid.<\/p>\n

You are allowed to have a sexual life of your own. Masturbation is healthy and a great way of keeping in touch (literally!) with your own body and sexuality. It becomes problematic when it causes distress and\/or is subtractive from your lifestyle. If you had written to say that all of your sexual energy is taken up by your masturbation and porn viewing, and that you and your partner don\u2019t like this, it would be a different issue. However, you are enjoying it and managing to have sex two or three times a week, which is above average. If you were preoccupied by said porn\/unable to focus on your partner, again, it would be a different issue, but it seems as though you have struck a balance.<\/p>\n

If you think that less masturbation would yield more sex, and you actually want that, then by all means, cut back. You don\u2019t have to abstain. Instead of nearly every day, you could masturbate every other day and see if that increases your energy and desire for partnered sex. Maybe on the days that you are feeling less sexual with your partner, you show up for her anyway and make out with her while she masturbates, give her oral, finger her, use toys on her, or something of the like. Make the session about her, not you. Perhaps there\u2019s some aspect about the fantasies and scenarios you feel comfortable exploring through AI that you can share with your wife, either by viewing\/reading porn together or role-playing. But it sounds like you\u2019re having a healthy amount of sex. It could be that you\u2019re at your natural limit for partnered sex, and masturbation is simply not affecting it. Again, experiment. Go a week without masturbating and see if your sex drive for your partner increases. You may surprise yourself, or you might not.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 26-year-old single gay man who has recently been dealing with mild prostatitis<\/a>, of which the only symptom that presents for me is hematospermia (blood in semen). It\u2019s a very small amount of blood, but it means that the majority of my loads have a light pink or red tinge to them. I\u2019m grateful that this is all I\u2019m dealing with, as I\u2019ve come to learn that prostatitis can present some serious, incredibly painful symptoms for people. From a medical point of view, I\u2019m handling it. I\u2019ve got a good urologist, am attending pelvic floor therapy, and am massaging my prostate regularly.<\/p>\n

But from a sexual point of view, I\u2019m having a hard time. Cumming is not painful, I\u2019m still horny, and my doc has assured me I should still ejaculate on a semi-regular schedule while I\u2019m working to get this managed. But as a single guy who prefers low-key hookups, I\u2019m struggling to figure out a way to finish with someone without having to explain the whole deal. And while I\u2019ve become accustomed to it, I get that the sight of a red-tinged load of cum is not normal for someone (the first time I saw it myself, I actually fainted!) and isn\u2019t a welcome surprise during climax. Unfortunately, I\u2019m not into orgasm denial\/chastity play, and getting off is an important part of a hookup for me if I\u2019m going to have one.<\/p>\n

From this, I\u2019m left trying to figure out a way I could possibly hook up with someone (and finish) without them actually seeing my load. Should I make a big deal about being very turned on by cumming on a guy\u2019s backside? Are there ways, both creative and ethical, that I could employ to enjoy some fun with a casual hookup that doesn\u2019t require me to give them a spiel about why they\u2019re seeing what they\u2019re seeing? I\u2019m vers, so I am open to pretty much any suggestion. I\u2019m also on PrEP, vaccinated, and tested regularly\u2014it\u2019s just something about the presence of blood that makes me feel like nondisclosure here is more unethical, somehow.\u00a0Any guidance is appreciated!<\/p>\n

\u2014Overthinking and Horny<\/p>\n

Dear Overthinking and Horny,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your concerns make sense and underscore a paradox of modern gay hook-up culture: We put ourselves in vulnerable positions again and again with strangers who don\u2019t know (or sometimes don\u2019t care) much about us, so they may feel free to dispense their judgment openly, which makes us that much more vulnerable. Your ros\u00e9 loads could be received by partners with not so much as a shrug, just as easily as they could be regarded with suspicion or even mockery. For you, each shot load is a crapshoot. You could take this as an opportunity: Partners\u2019 reactions will show you whether they\u2019re worth keeping around. You\u2019ll see what they\u2019re made of by what they make of you, to paraphrase Ani DiFranco<\/a>. Of course, that would mean enduring the bad feedback as well as the good, and it seems like you want to avoid the bad entirely, which is understandable.<\/p>\n

Given that hematospermia is generally regarded as benign<\/a> I don\u2019t think you have too much to worry about in terms of the ethics of disclosure here. Sometimes it\u2019s caused by an STI<\/a> but you know for a fact that\u2019s not the case here. If it is discovered by your partner, you would definitely want to explain that it\u2019s not the product of an STI, but it makes sense that you want to fly under the radar with your pinkish sperm.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jessica Stoya
\n My Husband Has Always Assured Me My \u201cComplication\u201d in Bed Is No Big Deal. It\u2019s Time to Put His Promise to the Test.
\n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

You could come inside of them, whether or not you use condoms. Burying your load is the best way to prevent your partner from seeing its color. Guys who want to be bred typically really want to be bred, so you are unlikely to arouse suspicion. A condom would be even easier to manage, as you can handle the disposal yourself\u2014tie it up, throw it in the trash, and no one is the wiser. And yes, you can pull out and shoot on their backs as well\u2014offer to towel them down yourself after, and, again, handle the disposal.<\/p>\n

Given your proactive approach to treatment, it seems like this will be a temporary problem\u2014if nothing else, take solace in that.<\/p>\n

Send Us Your Questions About the Workplace!<\/p>\n

The columnists behind our new advice column,\u00a0Good Job<\/a>, want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry?\u00a0Ask us your question here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 38-year-old man, and my wife and I have recently opened our marriage for casual play. This is working out pretty well, all things considered, but we\u2019re not ready for group play at the moment. My wife thinks that means that we can\u2019t reach out to other couples who are looking to swap because her opinion is that a swap means group play with everyone in the same room. I think it\u2019s more likely that you just swap partners in separate spaces. I know there\u2019s no right or wrong answer here, but what\u2019s the more common interpretation?<\/p>\n

\u2014Maximum Occupancy<\/p>\n

Dear Maximum Occupancy,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think your wife\u2019s prediction is more likely to be correct. If you think about the way the greater culture of swinging and polyamory operates, swapping often takes place at parties\/clubs, where the action is out in the open. Yes, some parties have private booths or sections where interested people can go for some one-on-one time, but the general vibe is all out in the open. That, of course, allows for people to scope out the action and potentially join. \u201cOpen\u201d often has a multipurpose use when describing relationships\u2014it is often taken as meaning not only that you are open to other partners, but open to a lot of different things that you can do with them.<\/p>\n

    \n
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    But why leave anything up to assumptions? People have boundaries, and they are best stated upfront. Even if people would normally enter a situation with another couple with the expectation that you all play together (or at least in the same room), you can counter said assumptions by stating your limits and preferences. People will then use that information to determine whether or not they\u2019re willing to hook up with you. There may be couples that you encounter who have a rule that they only play together (in the same room). There may be others who are a bit freer (which is to say: open) and will accept your stated parameters because they\u2019re really into you and want you however they can get you. You can explain to them your reasons for wanting the configurations that you do (you\u2019re new to this, moving slowly, and full-on group play is off the table for the time being) or not. Just be clear and let people respond in kind. You\u2019ll be fine. Certainly, what you are asking for is not unheard of.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My partner has recently come out as nonbinary and bisexual. They have discovered this about themselves (or perhaps just been more open about it) the last year or so. I\u2019m glad they are finding their truth, and I have tried to be supportive of them, helping them learn to do makeup, buying them nice heels and helping them pick out clothing, defending them to a few members of our families and other bigots. What\u2019s really frustrating me, is lately, or the last year or so, they\u2019ve made comments about lack of sex to our mutual friends and even around our families.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Jessica and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":68004,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-68003","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-united-states","12":"tag-unitedstates","13":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/114864705049425053","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68003","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68003"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68003\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68003"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68003"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68003"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}