{"id":696763,"date":"2026-04-01T07:44:14","date_gmt":"2026-04-01T07:44:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/696763\/"},"modified":"2026-04-01T07:44:14","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T07:44:14","slug":"should-i-send-a-birthday-card-chicago-tribune","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/696763\/","title":{"rendered":"Should I send a birthday card? \u2013 Chicago Tribune"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have two sisters. \u201cBetty\u201d and I had a serious falling out a few years ago. She won\u2019t speak to me. She has cast herself as the victim in a situation where my other sister\u2019s husband became abusive to me. My heart is broken. Betty and I were very close all our lives before that happened.<\/p>\n

Betty has two sons. She is estranged from one. The other, \u201cAllen,\u201d has a child named \u201cRita.\u201d I live in a state far away from Betty, Allen and Rita. I haven\u2019t seen Rita since she was about two years old. She won\u2019t remember me, but I have been sending her birthday cards every year.<\/p>\n

Rita turns 10 years old in a few weeks and I\u2019m wondering if I should stop sending her cards. She is getting old enough to wonder who this is. I don\u2019t know if Allen knows about the rift between his mother and me or, if he does, if he has explained anything to Rita.<\/p>\n

Do you think I should continue to send this child birthday cards? I don\u2019t want to upset her, her father or her grandmother. I might never see any of them again because I would not be welcomed by my sister. I guess I really don\u2019t mind backing out of their lives altogether to keep the peace, but I also don\u2019t want to shine a light on the problem by stopping the cards if by chance Allen does not know about the situation. I\u2019m confused about the right path to take. What are your thoughts, please?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Invisible Aunt<\/p>\n

Dear Aunt:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think a conversation with Allen is out of bounds here. You and he and your sister are all adults and, as such, able to navigate having separate relationships. He may wish to set a boundary with you in order to keep the peace with his mother. But it\u2019s better to find that out directly, rather than to assume.<\/p>\n

Even though you don\u2019t know Rita, you\u2019ve extended your generosity and love to this family through these cards for nearly a decade. So, there is already a relationship. This isn\u2019t to say that they owe you anything, nor you them. But some of the confusion you\u2019re feeling may stem from the one-sidedness of the relationship. It\u2019s fine to get an understanding of the other side.<\/p>\n

You can practice discretion when talking about the fractured relationship with Allen\u2019s mother, if you\u2019d like. It\u2019s probably best not to get too deep into the specifics, anyway, just because they\u2019d distract from the true focus of your conversation. But this story is yours, too. You don\u2019t have to hide it. If it would be meaningful to you to continue to reach out to Rita, tell Allen that and ask if it would be meaningful to him and his family, as well.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I would love your input. My stepson has cut his dad out of his life because he will \u201conly\u201d inherit $1 million dollars when his dad passes. My stepson makes almost $500,000 a year. And he is upset that his dad will donate money to me and our local hospitals. What do you think?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Curious Stepmother<\/p>\n

Dear Stepmother:<\/strong> It\u2019s likely that there is something else underneath this conflict between your husband and his son. Sure, it could just be about the money, especially if the son had assumed he\u2019d be receiving far more than a million dollars. But for him to take such a drastic action suggests there are other sources of frustration in this relationship. They may be justified; they may not.\u00a0There\u2019s probably a bit of both\/and in this situation.<\/p>\n

Your husband could try to have a \u201clay it on the table\u201d conversation with his son. It\u2019s possible that there\u2019s resentment about the money going to you or to the charities. Your stepson may feel that it\u2019s his entitlement. And even though he makes a very good living, he may have counted his chickens before they hatched, as it were. Or he may have grander plans that match the lifestyle in which he was raised. Those are all feelings or intentions he has to reconcile on his own, however. Your husband can do whatever he wants with the money.<\/p>\n

This shouldn\u2019t be a reason to dissolve a relationship, though. When it comes to inheritance, money talks but it mumbles sometimes. So, your husband would do well to clarify what his intentions are and what he hopes to accomplish with the money. He doesn\u2019t need to justify himself to his son, but for the sake of the relationship he might want to open himself up to a conversation. It\u2019s ultimately not about the money. Your stepson can make it about the money, of course. But there\u2019s an opportunity to be clear with each other before it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at\u00a0eric@askingeric.com<\/a>\u00a0or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on\u00a0Instagram<\/a>\u00a0and sign up for his weekly newsletter at\u00a0rericthomas.com<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

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