{"id":75979,"date":"2025-07-19T18:05:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-19T18:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/75979\/"},"modified":"2025-07-19T18:05:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-19T18:05:10","slug":"i-though-we-got-divorced-because-shes-gay-it-was-all-a-lie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/75979\/","title":{"rendered":"I though we got divorced because she’s gay. It was all a lie."},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0<\/strong>Send it to Stoya and Rich here.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!<\/p>\n

Dear How to Do It,<\/strong><\/p>\n

A year and a half ago, my wife came out as a lesbian.\u00a0While losing her this way was painful, I agreed to end the marriage because I didn\u2019t want her to have to live a lie.\u00a0We\u2019ve stayed in touch, which has been nice, but I recently heard something that made me really mad.<\/p>\n

It turns out that she and her wife sometimes have threesomes in which they include a guy.\u00a0Now a part of me feels like she ended our marriage under false pretenses and I feel betrayed.\u00a0Did she deceive me?<\/p>\n

\u2014I Thought She Didn\u2019t Go For That<\/p>\n

Dear I Thought She Didn\u2019t Go For That,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your ex-wife may have deceived you. Maybe when she told you she was a lesbian, she had lingering doubt or even full knowledge that she still had sexual attraction to men. Maybe she thought it would be too complicated to explain this, that other present issues with your relationship (including the sexual aspect of it) were too much to get into so that \u201cI\u2019m gay\u201d was the most efficient explanation. I\u2019m not in her head and neither are you, so while it is reasonable to mull these possibilities, we can\u2019t say for sure if they are real.<\/p>\n

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    There are many other potential explanations. Maybe your ex-wife realized that she is homoromantic (that is, only interested in romantic relationships with women) but bisexual. Maybe she doesn\u2019t subscribe to these labels at all and is just feeling her way through. Maybe when she came out to you, she thought she\u2019d only have sex with women for the rest of her life but discussions with her wife and\/or other surfaced feelings have caused her to reconsider. All of these things are valid if true. Sexuality evolves. Life is a journey. Her truth a year and a half ago may not be what it is today.<\/p>\n

    She moved on from you rather quickly, it seems\u2014in a year and a half, she came out, left you, and managed to remarry. That must have been difficult and it seems that it is still difficult. While reasons can give us some sense of comfort in their promise of closure, the truth is that life is complex. Not every decision people make has ironclad rationale, or rationale that can be verbalized with clarity. Despite recent evidence, it seems fair to continue believing your wife that her sexuality was a key factor in your divorce. The bigger picture is that regardless of sexuality, she knew that your relationship wasn\u2019t right for her. It\u2019s sad\u2014devastating, even\u2014but these things happen. I think most people would agree that someone should not be in a relationship that isn\u2019t working for them. In that sense, her reasons and explanations are immaterial.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Rich<\/p>\n

    More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We\u2019re planning on moving in together, but I don\u2019t think he\u2019s going to like it, for one big reason: I don\u2019t want to have sex. He thinks living together will significantly improve our sex live and help us rekindle the flame, but that\u2019s not what I want at all. I love him and he\u2019s my best friend. What should I do?<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How to Do It is Slate\u2019s sex advice column.\u00a0Have a question?\u00a0Send it to Stoya and Rich here.\u00a0It\u2019s anonymous!…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":75980,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,210,5598,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-75979","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-slate-plus","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/114881227974153662","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75979","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=75979"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75979\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/75980"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=75979"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=75979"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=75979"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}