{"id":764822,"date":"2026-05-01T01:10:18","date_gmt":"2026-05-01T01:10:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/764822\/"},"modified":"2026-05-01T01:10:18","modified_gmt":"2026-05-01T01:10:18","slug":"my-kid-can-be-a-handful-but-he-doesnt-deserve-the-label-my-family-has-given-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/764822\/","title":{"rendered":"My Kid Can Be a Handful. But He Doesn\u2019t Deserve the Label My Family Has Given Him."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife and I have a 5-year-old son, \u201cArcher,\u201d whom I will admit can be a handful at times.\u00a0Last month, we attended my sister\u2019s wedding, and Archer ran in front of the staff members who were bringing out the wedding cake, causing them to drop it.\u00a0We paid for the cost of the cake. But now, not only my sister, but pretty much all of our extended family have banned Archer from their events until he is older.\u00a0Isn\u2019t that an overreaction to a kid acting like a normal 5-year-old?<\/p>\n

\u2014Accidents Happen<\/p>\n

Dear Accidents Happen,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Free Archer! I\u2019ll admit: The thought of your little man causing such a ruckus, knocking over an elaborate wedding cake like a tiny Mr. Bean, brings me great joy. But I can understand the rest of the family\u2019s position especially since, as you\u2019ve admitted, Archer can be a handful. (Personally, I\u2019d love a full rundown of his whole history of destruction, if you\u2019d like to share.)<\/p>\n

But my prediction is that your sister and the rest of the Shame Gang will thaw out and one day they\u2019ll be able to see how silly it was to give Archer a lifetime ban from all family events, as if\u00a0 he were a drunken football fan running onto the field<\/a>. For now, leave him home for the weddings and especially funerals (God forbid he tries to play hide-and-seek in the casket), but make sure you\u2019re the only one doling out the punishment if necessary.<\/p>\n

Some people are very uptight about their weddings being perfect and unable to roll with the Archers of the world, but that\u2019s their problem. You paid for the cake, you can leave him out of the next wedding, but never let them put Archer in the corner.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/strong><\/p>\n

Is it acceptable to tell a child \u201cno\u201d if they\u2019re not your family or friends\u2019 kids? I\u2019ve worked several different places (primarily retail, but I\u2019ve also worked in pre-k to 5th grade after-school programs), & in all of them I had a few basic rules for young children: No climbing things, no throwing things, no wrestling, things like that. I would lean down, gently, and say in a firm voice, \u201cNo. That\u2019s not safe, we don\u2019t do that.\u201d But both my retail and after-school jobs reprimanded me, saying I wasn\u2019t within my rights to tell someone else how to raise their children, and that my actions were deeply inappropriate. What\u2019s a better way to handle this, or should I stop doing this altogether? I don\u2019t have kids myself, and my only other experience is with my younger siblings when I was a kid.<\/p>\n

\u2014When to Say No?<\/p>\n

Dear When to Say No,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    We Planned Some Fun, Harmless Social Events for Our Office. Then We Got a Call From HR.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n <\/p>\n

    Help! My Friend Volunteered to Dog-Sit for Months. I\u2019m Horrified by What I Caught Him Doing on My Secret Camera.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    This is a difficult one, because on the one hand I would say \u201cyes,\u201d and you have absolutely the right to keep children safe and non-feral in situations where they could become distractions. But\u2014and this is a huge BUT\u2014I am only OK with you doing that to other people\u2019s children. If you\u2019re doing that with my children? I\u2019d have a serious problem with it, but that\u2019s just the way I\u2019m wired.<\/p>\n

    Case in point\u2014a couple of months ago, our entire crew of three kids (ages 6, 7, and 8) went with us to a restaurant. After the meal, all three of them decided to use the unoccupied small single-stall bathroom at once. Another slimy-looking adult male, whom I\u2019d just seen being obnoxious to his server a few minutes before, displayed a similar impatience with my children and gave a pretty loud, \u201cLet\u2019s go, guys, don\u2019t mess around!\u201d I felt myself vibrating with rage, resisting the urge to run over and dunk his head in that very same toilet. Again\u2014yes, you\u2019re perfectly within your right to kindly police children whose behavior is impacting your own personal space. But don\u2019t be surprised if angry parent objects to your method. So final thought: If you fear confrontation, best to mind your own business.<\/p>\n

    \u2014A.J.<\/p>\n

    More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

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    Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":764823,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[600,246,210,251,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-764822","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-kids","12":"tag-united-states","13":"tag-unitedstates","14":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/116496657887826535","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/764822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=764822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/764822\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/764823"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=764822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=764822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=764822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}