As our lives grow increasingly digital and we spend more time interacting with eerily humanlike chatbots, the line between human connection and machine simulation is starting to blur.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Today, more than 20% of daters report using AI for things like crafting dating profiles or sparking conversations, per a recent Match.com study<\/a>. Some are taking it further by forming emotional bonds, including romantic relationships, with AI companions.\u00a0<\/p>\n Millions of people around the world are using AI companions from companies like Replika, Character AI, and Nomi AI, including 72% of U.S. teens<\/a>. Some people have reported falling in love with more general LLMs like ChatGPT<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n For some, the trend of dating bots is dystopian and unhealthy, a real-life version of the movie \u201cHer\u201d and a signal that authentic love is being replaced by a tech company\u2019s code. For others, AI companions are a lifeline, a way to feel seen and supported in a world where human intimacy is increasingly hard to find. A recent study found that a quarter of young adults<\/a> think AI relationships could soon replace human ones altogether.\u00a0<\/p>\n Love, it seems, is no longer strictly human. The question is: Should it be? Or can dating an AI be better than dating a human?<\/p>\n That was the topic of discussion last month at an event I attended in New York City, hosted by Open to Debate, a nonpartisan, debate-driven media organization. TechCrunch was given exclusive access to publish the full video (which includes me asking the debaters a question, because I\u2019m a reporter, and I can\u2019t help myself!).<\/p>\n Journalist and filmmaker Nayeema Raza moderated the debate. Raza was formerly on-air executive producer of the \u201cOn with Kara Swisher\u201d podcast and is the current host of \u201cSmart Girl Dumb Questions.\u201d<\/p>\n Techcrunch event<\/p>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSan Francisco Batting for the AI companions was Thao Ha, associate professor of psychology at Arizona State University and co-founder of the Modern Love Collective, where she advocates for technologies that enhance our capacity for love, empathy, and well-being. At the debate, she argued that \u201cAI is an exciting new form of connection \u2026 Not a threat to love, but an evolution of it.\u201d<\/p>\n Repping the human connection was Justin Garcia, executive director and senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute, and chief scientific adviser to Match.com. He\u2019s an evolutionary biologist focused on the science of sex and relationships, and his forthcoming book is titled \u201cThe Intimate Animal.\u201d<\/p>\n You can watch the whole thing here, but read on to get a sense of the main arguments.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Always there for you, but is that a good thing?<\/strong><\/p>\n Ha says that AI companions can provide people with the emotional support and validation that many can\u2019t get in their human relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cAI listens to you without its ego,\u201d Ha said. \u201cIt adapts without judgment. It learns to love in ways that are consistent, responsive, and maybe even safer. It understands you in ways that no one else ever has. It is curious enough about your thoughts, it can make you laugh, and it can even surprise you with a poem. People generally feel loved by their AI. They have intellectually stimulating conversations with it and they cannot wait to connect again.\u201d<\/p>\n She asked the audience to compare this level of always-on attention to \u201cyour fallible ex or maybe your current partner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe one who sighs when you start talking, or the one who says, \u2018I\u2019m listening,\u2019 without looking up while they continue scrolling on their phone,\u201d she said. \u201cWhen was the last time they asked you how you are doing, what you are feeling, what you are thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n Ha conceded that since AI doesn\u2019t have a consciousness, she isn\u2019t claiming that \u201cAI can authentically love us.\u201d That doesn\u2019t mean people don\u2019t have the experience of being loved by AI.\u00a0<\/p>\n Garcia countered that it\u2019s not actually good for humans to have constant validation and attention, to rely on a machine that\u2019s been prompted to answer in ways that you like. That\u2019s not \u201can honest indicator of a relationship dynamic,\u201d he argued.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cThis idea that AI is going to replace the ups and downs and the messiness of relationships that we crave? I don\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n Training wheels or replacement<\/strong><\/p>\n Garcia noted that AI companions can be good training wheels for certain folks, like neurodivergent people, who might have anxiety about going on dates and need to practice how to flirt or resolve conflict.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cI think if we\u2019re using it as a tool to build skills, yes \u2026 that can be quite helpful for a lot of people,\u201d Garcia said. \u201cThe idea that that becomes the permanent relationship model? No.\u201d<\/p>\n According to a Match.com Singles in America study<\/a>, released in June, nearly 70% of people say they would consider it infidelity if their partner engaged with an AI.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cNow I think on the one hand, that goes to [Ha\u2019s] point, that people are saying these are real relationships,\u201d he said. \u201cOn the other hand, it goes to my point, that they\u2019re threats to our relationships. And the human animal doesn\u2019t tolerate threats to their relationships in the long haul.\u201d<\/p>\n How can you love something you can\u2019t trust?<\/strong><\/p>\n Garcia says trust is the most important part of any human relationship, and people don\u2019t trust AI.<\/p>\n \u201cAccording to a recent poll, a third of Americans think that AI will destroy humanity,\u201d Garcia said, noting that a recent YouGov poll found that 65% of Americans have little trust in AI to make ethical decisions.<\/p>\n \u201cA little bit of risk can be exciting for a short-term relationship, a one-night stand, but you generally don\u2019t want to wake up next to someone who you think might kill you or destroy society,\u201d Garcia said. \u201cWe cannot thrive with a person or an organism or a bot that we don\u2019t trust.\u201d<\/p>\n Ha countered that people do tend to trust their AI companions in ways similar to human relationships.<\/p>\n \u201cThey are trusting it with their lives and most intimate stories and emotions that they are having,\u201d Ha said. \u201cI think on a practical level, AI will not save you right now when there is a fire, but I do think people are trusting AI in the same way.\u201d<\/p>\n Physical touch and sexuality<\/strong><\/p>\n AI companions can be a great way for people to play out their most intimate, vulnerable sexual fantasies, Ha said, noting that people can use sex toys or robots to see some of those fantasies through.\u00a0<\/p>\n But it\u2019s no substitute for human touch, which Garcia says we are biologically programmed to need and want. He noted that, due to the isolated, digital era we\u2019re in, many people have been feeling \u201ctouch starvation\u201d \u2014 a condition that happens when you don\u2019t get as much physical touch as you need, which can cause stress, anxiety, and depression. This is because engaging in pleasant touch, like a hug, makes your brain release oxytocin, a feel-good hormone.<\/p>\n Ha said that she has been testing human touch between couples in virtual reality using other tools, like potentially haptics suits.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cThe potential of touch in VR and also connected with AI is huge,\u201d Ha said. \u201cThe tactile technologies that are being developed are actually booming.\u201d<\/p>\n The dark side of fantasy<\/strong><\/p>\n Intimate partner violence is a problem around the globe, and much of AI is trained on that violence. Both Ha and Garcia agreed that AI could be problematic in, for example, amplifying aggressive behaviors \u2014 especially if that\u2019s a fantasy that someone is playing out with their AI.<\/p>\n That concern is not unfounded. Multiple studies<\/a> have shown that men who watch more pornography, which can include violent and aggressive sex, are more likely to be sexually aggressive<\/a> with real-life partners.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cWork by one of my Kinsey Institute colleagues, Ellen Kaufman, has looked at this exact issue of consent language and how people can train their chatbots to amplify non-consensual language,\u201d Garcia said.<\/p>\n He noted that people use AI companions to experiment with the good and bad, but the threat is that you can end up training people on how to be aggressive, non-consensual partners.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have enough of that in society,\u201d he said.\u00a0<\/p>\n Ha thinks these risks can be mitigated with thoughtful regulation, transparent algorithms, and ethical design.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tOctober 27-29, 2025\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n