{"id":91060,"date":"2025-07-25T09:50:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-25T09:50:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/91060\/"},"modified":"2025-07-25T09:50:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-25T09:50:10","slug":"is-50-too-late-to-get-pregnant-should-i-just-go-off-birth-control-and-see-what-happens","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/91060\/","title":{"rendered":"Is 50 too late to get pregnant? Should I just go off birth control and see what happens?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0<\/strong>Submit it here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding, <\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m in a relatively new relationship after getting divorced from my partner of 20 years. While our relationship is new-ish (eight months) we\u2019ve known each other for 30 years.<\/p>\n

My ex-husband and I don\u2019t have children, and I never really wanted them. My boyfriend has a teenage daughter from his first marriage. He would love another child. I\u2019ve never wanted kids before, but now I can\u2019t let go of a certain thought.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m considering just going off birth control and seeing what happens.<\/p>\n

Except I\u2019m 49. Can I have a baby at 50? I\u2019m not currently menopausal, and I know, in theory, I can get pregnant. I understand the statistics, but obviously, most people (sensibly) choose to have their families when they are younger. My largest concerns are health-related, especially for the baby. Realistically, how much of a risk is this? Is having a child at 50 a terrible idea? Is it irresponsible? We\u2019d be 70 when our child turns 20.<\/p>\n

How do I talk to my boyfriend about this, given that he would die happy just knowing I was considering this option? He knows I\u2019ve never wanted children before (until?) now.<\/p>\n

I could just go off birth control and not tell him, but that seems crazy. Right? Adding to the dilemma, we\u2019re currently long-distance. But obviously, if we do want to have a baby we don\u2019t have time to waste. If there is a window, it\u2019s closing. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014Maybe, Baby?<\/p>\n

Dear Maybe,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are circumstances under which people should have a child, and then there are yours: new relationship, long distance, ambivalence about becoming a mother. We don\u2019t need to factor in your age to see that just \u201cgoing off birth control and seeing what happens\u201d is not a good idea.<\/p>\n

Perhaps you can become a mother at 50\u2014would you want that to happen before you and your partner have even had the chance to live in the same area, let alone the same home? I realize that you\u2019ve known this person a long time, but you\u2019ve only been together a hot second and you\u2019re physically distant.<\/p>\n

Now let\u2019s talk about the age part: According to the American College of Gynocologists and Obsetricians<\/a>, it\u2019s very unlikely that you\u2019ll get pregnant at 50 without medical intervention, such as in vitro fertilization or the implantation of donor eggs. If you were to get pregnant, the risk of complications is higher due to age. ACGO data shows that the risk of chromosomal abnormalities increase with age, as do the risk of preeclampsia and other pregnancy complications, including miscarriage.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n <\/p>\n

    I Gave My Nieces a Generous Gift. Now It\u2019s Tearing Them Apart\u2014and I\u2019m Getting All the Blame
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  2. \n
    \n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

    My Husband Made Me Choose Between a Move or Our Marriage. I Think I Made the Wrong Choice.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  3. \n <\/p>\n

    My Late Husband Left Me With a Very Strange Demand. I\u2019m Not Sure I Can Honor It.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n

  4. \n
    \n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

    I Often Give My Friend Tickets to the Ballgame. I Just Found Out What He Really Does With Them.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Parenthood at any age should be taken seriously and planned for, not just left to chance, and at your age there are even more important considerations. Something could happen to one or both of you before your child is grown that prevents you from caring for them; do you have loved ones who could step in and raise your child if you two no longer could? Imagine yourself at 65: do you think you\u2019ll be up for the task of parenting a teenager? Is that how you want to spend those years? The answer may be \u201cyes,\u201d but I think you and your partner need to have more serious conversations about what having a child would entail and make a decision based on your lives, not the idea that maybe having a kid might be cool.<\/p>\n

    You absolutely shouldn\u2019t just get off birth control and just see what happens.\u00a0 I understand that facing the end of your fertile years can be emotional, even for women who hadn\u2019t previously desired motherhood. Don\u2019t let your big feelings lead you into making such a major decision without the utmost consideration.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Jamilah<\/p>\n

    \n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

    More Parenting Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My awesome, challenging, sweet, infuriating 9-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD. This was the least surprising thing to ever happen to one of my children, as far as I\u2019m concerned. I had expected the diagnosis to help my husband and I agree on strategies for supporting our kid, but unfortunately it has not. The report we got back was very rote, and felt like a generic set of recommendations. I think, in fact, it was a case of the doctor including every possible recommendation so that we could bring a comprehensive document to the school and whittle away to what is needed\u2014an easier process than fighting for things that aren\u2019t included. But the result is that my husband has written off the whole thing. <\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":91061,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[600,246,251,159,5597,67,132,68],"class_list":{"0":"post-91060","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-kids","11":"tag-science","12":"tag-slate-plus","13":"tag-united-states","14":"tag-unitedstates","15":"tag-us"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/114913255294824577","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91060","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91060"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91060\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/91061"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91060"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91060"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91060"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}