{"id":912927,"date":"2026-07-04T23:00:32","date_gmt":"2026-07-04T23:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/912927\/"},"modified":"2026-07-04T23:00:32","modified_gmt":"2026-07-04T23:00:32","slug":"lgbtq-seniors-shaped-by-aids-crisis-face-new-wave-of-loss-from-aging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/912927\/","title":{"rendered":"LGBTQ+ seniors shaped by AIDS crisis face new wave of loss, from aging\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"

To older LGBTQ+ adults, today can feel like the AIDS crisis<\/a> all over again.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Friends disappearing in ambulances. Calling hospitals, unable to find them. Weeks spent at hospital bedsides. Back-to-back deaths. So many funerals.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But now, 45 years since the first AIDS diagnosis<\/a> kicked off a crisis that defined life for a generation of LGBTQ+ people, it\u2019s not young people dying at alarming rates. It\u2019s old people dying at expected rates.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Jason Cuneo<\/a>, who leads senior programs at the San Diego LGBT Community Center, watched six clients die in a year. It reminded him of when he began HIV advocacy in 1992.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThe third one passed away, I was a mess,\u201d he said. \u201cIt triggered all the memories of doing that day after day after day. And I thought, \u2018are we having to go through this again just because everyone\u2019s aging?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was really depressing and very hard. And I see that in the community where there\u2019s just kind of a weight in the sadness of that starting to happen.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

San Diego County\u2019s LGBTQ+ senior population is growing alongside the general senior population, as nationwide, the Williams Institute at UCLA estimates <\/a>there are 2.4 million LGBTQ+ adults over age 50.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The young or middle adulthood of those LGBTQ+ seniors was defined by an AIDS crisis that radicalized them as they watched peers die amid government inaction. Some did survive, with over half of the 14,000 people living with HIV in San Diego County now over 50<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>A HIV long-term survivor in 2025 Pride Parade. (File photo by Chris Stone\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

But the experience of losing so many people was traumatizing. Reliving it again due to heart disease, cancer and strokes reignites those memories. Many are withdrawing to protect themselves. Others are amping up their organizing, relying on skills refined at Act Up<\/a> and other advocacy groups.<\/p>\n

Inside North Park Seniors organizing\u00a0<\/p>\n

At North Park Seniors, where dozens of low-income LGBTQ+ seniors live, the building hosts\u00a0 bingo events like any senior housing center, but the residents also open their doors to substance abuse recovery groups and weekly events for Pozabilities, the social group for HIV+ seniors.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cA building full of mostly straight people could not get this stuff organized,\u201d resident Mike Sloothaak said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

To some of the residents, it was the organizing experience of the AIDS epidemic \u2014 whether they had the disease or just supported those with it \u2014 that enabled them to navigate resources, build community events and help others as seniors.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have certain experiences that are unique to our generation,\u201d Sloothaak said. \u201cWe started to take care of each other long before we became seniors, so we know how to do that. So when we get older \u2026 it\u2019s not a shock to us that we have to take care of each other.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"woman<\/a>Nancy Peterson prepares to head home to North Park Seniors after attending a Lunch & Learn lecture at The San Diego LGBT Community Center. (Photo by Adrian Childress\/Times of San Diego) <\/p>\n

In June, the residents held a rummage sale, raising $700 to stock supplies in the community room.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The Center, as San Diego\u2019s LGBT center is known, hosts a monthly Senior Lunch & Learn event at the building, but the residents held the fundraiser to pay for other dates on their social calendar, namely monthly birthday parties and an annual Halloween event.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIf anybody gets bored here, we think of a reason for parties,\u201d resident Shelly Lorenze said.<\/p>\n

Community HousingWorks developed the North Park Seniors building in 2018<\/a> as the city\u2019s first LGBTQ-affirming housing community. The majority of units are reserved for independent-living, low-income seniors.<\/p>\n

The building is not restricted to LGBTQ+ people, but many of its residents are part of the community because The Center ran the building\u2019s resident waiting list. The Center also provides tailored programming and a part-time case manager.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Eight years since it opened, the residents themselves transformed the building into a thriving community that supports outside LGBTQ+ community groups and aging residents.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore I moved here, really, all I had to look forward to was doctors,\u201d resident Terry Vaughn said. \u201cNow I\u2019m exposed to theater, the ball game, the symphony.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Lesbian activist Jeri Dilno sitting on a couch in a photo dated 2000. (Photo courtesy Lambda Archives)<\/p>\n

The residents also rally around neighbors who start to deteriorate. Recently, that meant organizing dog walking shifts for a resident with mobility issues. A few years ago, they helped the building\u2019s most prominent resident, lesbian activist Jeri Dilno<\/a>, who lived there until her death.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dilno, who died at age 86 in 2024, had many social connections through her leadership at Pride, The Center and San Diego Democrats for Equality. She still relied on her neighbors for care.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause of this place, she felt so loved,\u201d Lorenze said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Being accepted to live at North Park Seniors felt like winning a lottery to Lorenze. Sloothaak pointed out that, like other residents, she had in fact won a lottery to live there.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A lonely housing experience\u00a0<\/p>\n

Not every LGBTQ+ senior won that lottery. Others must secure housing elsewhere.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For David Tworkowsky, who lives alone, cheap rent in the Midway district also made him a target of harassment and an intimidation campaign he couldn\u2019t afford to escape.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I\u2019m the queer in that community of 900 people,\u2026 I live there in fear,\u201d Tworkowsky said. \u201cI get the lowest rent in San Diego, and I paid a big price.\u201d<\/p>\n

In June, Tworkowsky attended a Lunch & Learn event at the LGBT Center, where he knew he wouldn\u2019t be discriminated against for being gay.<\/p>\n

The Center has more than doubled its senior offerings in recent years, and now offers free food and activity nearly every weekday. It\u2019s a safe space for LGBTQ+ seniors, who sometimes go back into the closet to avoid harassment and discrimination from the service providers they depend on.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"table<\/a>Seniors look through information fliers and pamphlets at The San Diego LGBT Community Center on Wednesday, June 17, 2026. (Photo by Adrian Childress\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a level of anxiety that I haven\u2019t seen in a while, and stress that folks are coming in with, so (it\u2019s good) to have a place where they can find commonality, where they don\u2019t have to go back in the closet,\u201d Cuneo, who plans the senior services, said. \u201cThey don\u2019t have to worry about that here. So it\u2019s just come as you are and have community.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Cuneo believes the events build important social connections, combatting the elevated rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation and psychological distress linked to a lifetime of exposure to stigma and discrimination that LGBTQ+ seniors have experienced.<\/p>\n

Combatting loneliness<\/p>\n

Thomas Vegh, who founded Diversionary Theatre 40 years ago, began attending Center events this year after realizing he did not have support as his health worsened.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a lonely type of quality that I have,\u201d he said. \u201cSocialization is a big challenge for me. I have one good friend and I have a couple of acquaintances, and that\u2019s it. I don\u2019t have family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vegh points to losing friends, mentors and lovers during the AIDS crisis as the reason for his loneliness. After watching people die and developing survivor\u2019s guilt in the aftermath, Vegh did not pursue new relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Only in the past year did he seek out new places to socialize: St. Paul\u2019s Cathedral, The Center, Coronado Playhouse, where he was cast in a show.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"tables<\/a>Seniors get free lunch and a lecture at Lunch & Learn at The Center on Wednesday, June 17, 2026. (Photo by Adrian Childress\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

In a survey of 400 local LGBTQ+ seniors The Center conducted prior to North Park Seniors\u2019 opening, respondents listed their top concern <\/a>as social isolation and a lack of family, social and community support. The next greatest concerns were lack of culturally-competent medical care, lack of financial resources and lack of safe housing.\u00a0<\/p>\n

National surveys show the same results. LGBTQ+ seniors are twice as likely to be single and live alone as their straight counterparts, according to a 2021 poll <\/a>by Sage USA and the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Caregiving challenges without blood ties<\/p>\n

Senior care in this country is often based on the presumption that younger family members, typically adult children, manage care for aging relatives<\/a>. For low-income seniors, it\u2019s often family members themselves doing unpaid care, not just managing it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But built-in familial support isn\u2019t automatic for LGBTQ+ seniors, who are four times less likely to have children than the rest of the elderly population, Sage USA found.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy daughter has four legs and a tail,\u201d said Nancy Peterson, who attends Center events and lives at North Park Seniors. She planned how she wants to be buried, but not what to do if she needs additional care before then. \u201cThere\u2019s no family here \u2026 That\u2019s a big thing to think about as well.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Friends step into the care gap. But that can make it harder to conduct a welfare check or make a hospital visit without blood ties or legal documentation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Something as simple as family leave from a job can be turned down without those formal ties.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Summer White and Julie Hoffman, winners of the Inspirational Relationship honor at the Stonewall awards, celebrate in 2025. (File photo by Chris Stone\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

\u201cGay families, lesbian families, they\u2019re not by blood,\u201d Sloothaak said. \u201cThat heterosexual nuclear family is presumed to be the proper thing, and if you don\u2019t have that, you are at a disadvantage. You have to go get documents, you have to go to a lawyer.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

John Keasler recalled one North Park Seniors neighbor who was admitted to the hospital without giving power of attorney to someone local.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he went to the hospital, he never came back,\u201d Keasler recalled. Even a roommate could not find out which hospital he was in. To Keasler, it felt like the AIDS crisis all over again.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Tony Alexander and his best friend took care of each other as they aged, doing everything together from daily dog walks, yoga and dinners until the friend died.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he died, it was like a piece of me died, because it was a big part of my life that\u2019s gone, it\u2019s erased,\u201d Alexander said. \u201cWithin one day it all changed, and he\u2019s gone. I still am not used to it. I still can\u2019t believe that he\u2019s not here anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Two<\/a>Charles Kaminski and Elaine Lewis after The Center\u2019s board meeting on Tuesday, April 28, 2026. (Photo by Adrian Childress\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

It also left Alexander without someone to help him navigate his own frail health.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201dOften the folks doing the caregiving are not the best person to be doing it, because they\u2019re struggling themselves,\u201d Cuneo said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

While new medications have made HIV manageable, many suffer from comorbid illnesses and even long-term side effects from experimental medicines that impact pancreas and liver function.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of my illnesses are related to HIV,\u201d said Alexander, pointing to discoloration on his arms while waiting for a free memory assessment at The Center.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Just as they were the first generation to experience HIV, they are now the first generation to experience aging with it. That means discovering new unknowns with the virus.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Financial concerns\u00a0<\/p>\n

In early years, an HIV diagnosis guaranteed a prolonged and degrading death. Many patients embraced a live-like-you\u2019re-dying ethos, the \u201cNo Day But Today\u201d attitude of \u201cRent\u201d in real life.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For those who died, embracing vive ut vivas \u2013 Latin for \u201clive so that you may live\u201d \u2013 helped them find joy and purpose. But for people who avoided a death sentence they thought was certain, it resulted in a lack of preparation for retirement.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Even guaranteed government financial benefits, like Social Security, are impacted by the epidemic because many young patients left careers when they became disabled, resulting in smaller payments.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Seniors<\/a>Seniors hear a presentation on dementia from Esteban Gonzalez, standing, of the Sharp Neurocognitive Research Center, during a Lunch & Learn on Wednesday, June 17, 2026. (Photo by Adrian Childress\/Times of San Diego)<\/p>\n

With thousands of HIV-positive people in San Diego over the age of 50, a population exists that community services aren\u2019t equipped to handle. Aging services are already strained by a general boom in seniors. The specific needs of HIV-positive seniors compound the issue.<\/p>\n

Mike Haynie-Valdivia\u2019s first husband died of HIV\/AIDs in 1994, but he is a long-term survivor.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI had to watch him die, take care of him,\u201d Haynie-Valdivia said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Last year, his own health failed as memory loss left him disabled. As his condition worsened and he could no longer work, good friends ensured he did not become homeless. Despite their separation, his ex-husband stepped in for many daily needs.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cMy Jim would do anything for me,\u201d Haynie-Valdivia said. \u201cHe would come help me \u2026 You need that.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

His informal support network kept him alive. Now, his memory is improving.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"To older LGBTQ+ adults, today can feel like the AIDS crisis all over again.\u00a0 Friends disappearing in ambulances.…\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":912928,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[5134],"tags":[369054,5229,1582,276,369055,19272,3549,40461,7264,103572,67,586,132,5230,68,2969],"class_list":["post-912927","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-san-diego","tag-aids-crisis","tag-america","tag-ca","tag-california","tag-lgbt-center","tag-lgbtq-history","tag-san-diego","tag-san-diego-pride","tag-sandiego","tag-the-center","tag-united-states","tag-united-states-of-america","tag-unitedstates","tag-unitedstatesofamerica","tag-us","tag-usa"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@us\/116864197953428451","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/912927","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=912927"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/912927\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/912928"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=912927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=912927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=912927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}